Arts Orientation Week

Arts Orientation Week is finally over!

I now can have the time to do stuff I didnt have the time for during the past week. After almost one and a half months of solid procrastination, I went down to collect a reserved book from Marine Parade. One and a half months, really, Im amazed that the shopowner still recognised me. Also collected a pink top from Esprit which I bought about a month ago, but my size was only available about a week ago. Well, the top wasnt as impressive as I thought I had seen, the colour of this top seems a bit dull quite unlike the one I set my eyes upon. Anw, it was on 50% discount so I shouldnt complain.

I had also found time to change the skin of my blog to welcome a new page in my life, my university life! My previous blog I thought was a bit too depressing, but then again, this blogskin isnt very cheerful either, so never mind me Im just talking nonsense.

Speaking of nonsense, maybe this is a good time to add in more Stupidity Symptoms...

Stupidity Symptoms 4
Friend A and Friend B were chatting about Friend B’s very funny and lame jokes. Friend A wanted to hear more lame jokes from Friend B but Friend B was too tired to tell any jokes and instead asked Friend A to tell a joke for a change. When Friend A couldnt think of any jokes to tell, Joan came by and announced that she had a joke to tell. Joan went, “I give you a J; I give you an O; I give you a K; and here you go an E!” Friend A and B immediately turned their heads away from poor Joan.

Stupidity Symptoms 5
How long would it take for a person to get from Lt11 in Arts Faculty to Prince George’s Park in NUS? Especially when that person drives... Well, it took Friend to an hour to get from Lt 11 back too Lt11 when the intended destination was PGP. And, yes, dear Joan was the one giving directions to friend. After an hour reaching back to point zero, both Joan and Friend took a 5 min shuttle bus ride down to PGP.

On a more serious note, I think I really need to apologise to that poor friend who tried to drive down to PGP. Wilson, to boost your inflated ego a bit more, Im really very sorry, the whole fiasco was my entire fault, okay? So blame me, shoot me, eat me up! But of course, as we all know although Joan doesnt like to use her brain, she is actually quite smart, so was in entirely Joan’s fault?

To dear friends who want to be updated on Joan’s uni life, well, I will be staying at PGP blk 26, level 6, so feel free to drop by and bunk in if you have any early lessons the next day. Btw, just to add some salt to the above mentioned group of people, Joan’s earliest lecture is at 10am, the rest are all aftn lectures.

I will be doing History, European Studies and Political Science exposure modules, and German language, and a Singapore Studies module Politics of Southeast Asia. On this note, Id like to make used of this opportunity to thank Yingling for helping me monitor my bidding and helping me to secure my SS mod as I was practically in school the whole day. A big thank you, Yingling!!! Hugs and kisses and flowers all for you!

I would also like to thank my OG mates for being so sporting and fun! And also to give them credit for being able to endure my endless nonsense, think the JOKE joke, and I also have a CHEER cheer and a JOAN cheer. All of you are just so cute!!! You are so cute that I want to grab your head and kiss you! Haha... But I havent actually done that yet, Id only grabbed some people’s head and shook them when I got so exasperated with them, it wasnt really a good thing though.

I really hope that we Gaedians can remain in close contact even though we all have different timetables.

race, religion and political direction

History repeats itself. Within the period of one blog entry, I find myself right in an almost similar position.

And this was after I promised Victoria that this would be an interesting blog entry. Sorry Vic, you will have to listen to my grouses again, but this would be slight different.

The following words might offend some people, so if you think you will get offended, well, I guess that will be it. Today, the Gaedians played Truth and Truth and I ended up pondering over one particular question even though it was not directed to me. Thinking abt it, I guess, I wont dare to say the truth in front of them knowing that I will definitely offend some people.

The question was what of a guy turns you off.

The politically correct answer would be some bad habits like smoking, or some character flaws like arrogance or something along the lines.

Joan’s offending answer, three aspects of a person can turn me off and that was the reason I steered away from this during lunch and dinner today with the Gaedians. The three aspects are race, religion and political direction. Just mentioning this any of these three things alone in public can have me detained by the ISC. The following things I am saying can see me as Chia Thye Poh number 2.

Im anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim, anti-Christ, anti-Malay, anti-Indian, anti-Malaysia, anti-America, anti-bananas (both figuratively and literarily), anti-Bush, anti-Japanese. Some people also call me a neo-Nazi which Im not, but Im definitely a Nazi-symphatist. Im also a Communist-symphatist. I support great war leaders such as Bismarck, Stalin, Hitler, and closer to home, Chin Peng. A small paradox here, Im pro-Lee Kuan Yew, but anti-PAP; Im pro-MCP, but anti-BS and Lim Chin Siong.

So, shoot me if anyone is not happy! Send for the ISC to capture me and imprison me in some barrack in Sentosa!

Himalayas to the Marianas

Remember my imagery, from Himalayas to the Marianas?
Hehe... That was what I felt in the last 24hr...

I started out at Himalayas with a very blissful dream, a dream in which I felt peace, comfort and serenity. But the day evolved into one which brought me right smack in the centre of cold, harsh reality. Then it pushed me right down into the Marianas. Only that this time I knew it wasnt pms.

Its amazing how little control one have over self. One may think that he seems to be controlling his own fate but is he really controlling it? Or is fate controlling him?

From an ancient Chinese tale:
There was once a flag in the middle of a large field. A gust of wind blew across the field and the flag swayed with the breeze. A sage asked his disciples which was causing the other to move. The first disciple answered that it was the wind causing the flag to move. Upon hearing that, the second disciple blurted out that it was not true as it was actually the flag causing the wind to move. The sage answered that in fact neither moved, rather, it was their minds that moved the wind and the flag.

Well, to me, I think that all the answers can be true. What really moved is what you want it to be moved. If you want the flag to move the wind, then so be it; if you want the wind to move the flag, then so be it; if you want neither to move, then so be it; if you want both to move, then so be it. No one can stop you from thinking so.

The moral of the story? Fate and self runs parallel to each other, pessimists will let themselves be controlled by fate and the optimists will try and control fate. I’m a pessimist trying to act like an optimist. I know I can control fate, but I dont want to, I don’t know why, I just don’t want to.

I wanted to feel happy before I slept last night, so I had that nice dream and woke up feeling happy, after some occurred events, I let myself sink deeply into decadence, hence my sad feelings now. I know I can always stop these bad thoughts by keeping my mind clear, but I dont want to do so, I want to let my mind explore the range of my feelings.

Pathetic...

The Return

I went to watch The Return.
And lo and behold, it was screened in cinema 6 of Cathay Cineleisure. In my last entry I described it as small 100-seater cinema, but ytd I counted the number of seats inside, 100 was a very rough estimate! There were only 68 seats inside that tiny room!

The outline of The Return is rather similar to Japanese Story, only more enigmatic, more engaging, and more sad. Sad as in it really invites your heart to bleed for the characters. My heart bled for the father, for the two sons, and also for the mother. The only regret that I have is not being able to speak the language. I felt rather short-changed by the translation. I dont know why, its just a feeling I felt while watching the characters talk.

I caught the trailer of In Terminal.
I think that will be the next movie I will be watching. Anybody wants to join me? It seems to be about Tom Hanks as this foreigner whose flight is delayed at this American airport. His passport was also held in custody of the officials rendering Hanks to have to stay confined in the airport. Seems like a funny film and Catherine Zeta-Jones and Steven Spielberg both add to the watch factor. This film seems to be in the same category as Catch Me If You Can, Steven Spielberg’s previous film and I think that the legend is quite suited for these kinds of films!

After reading Jasmine’s regular Additions and Acquisitions, Joan is prompted to start a personal regular on her blog.

Welcome to Stupidity Symptoms!

Stupidity Symptoms 1
Joan and Friend were on board an MRT. Joan suddenly develops a craving for ToriQ’s yakitori. Joan turned to Friend saying, “I want to eat chicken! Chickee chickee chickee ckickee-en! Quack quack quack quack...” Then Joan stopped suddenly as a wave of thought swept past her and she burst out laughing. “Wrong wrong wrong wrong!” After laughing for another short moment, Joan turned back to Friend and said, “Let me start again. I want to eat chicken! Chickee chickee chickee ckickee-en! Cock-cock-cock-cock-kay...”

Stupidity Symptoms 2
Joan and Friend were at Taka’s Kinokuniya. Joan went over to the shelf carrying Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle (its a Jap comic) 1-5. Joan disappointedly said to Friend, “Hai... Number 6 not out yet.” Friend walked over to the outer shelves and spotted Tsubasa 6 and called Joan over. Joan proceeded to the shelf and upon seeing the filled shelf of Tsubasa 6, exclaimed, “Whoa so many 6 arh?!” Then as Joan left the shelves, she spotted a trolley of comics, all new arrivals. She went over and took a closer look and saw a pile of Tsubasa 6, exclaimed, “Whoa! Even more 6 leh!” Then moving her eyes to another ple on the trolley, she spotted yet another pile of Tsubasa 6, exclaimed, “Whoa! Really a lot of 6 leh!” Walking away from the trolley Joan noticed that the whole of the next shelf of the trolley was filled with Tsubasa 6, exclaimed, “Whoa! So many 6s!”

Stupidity Symptoms 3
I dont know if anyone noticed this but outside the library in Takashimaya there is a frame circling the escalators. And on that frame, there is a door. The door isnt locked and anyone can open the door. This day, Friend pointed out the door to Joan. Utterly amazed, Joan stretched out her right hand and placed it on the knob. Turning it, she opened the door as if she were Alice opening that little door to a whole new world, only Joan opened it to what she could see from the sides cos the door was standing in the middle of nowhere. Walking through the door, Joan bore a totally amazed look and allowed the door to slam behind her.

That will be it for the brand new Stupidity Symptoms. All acts will be fresh. If they are not freshly done, then it wont be included, so you guys need not find the over-told glass door stories here!

I want to watch a movie.

I want to watch a movie.
The last movie I watched was Around the world in 80 Days, a purely feel-good movie which I didnt think was very well worth that $6.50 I paid for, but I was feeling pretty bad when I watched it so it sort of helped me regain my emotional balance.

I wanted to watch King Arthur.
Ever since I saw that trailer like 3 months ago, I was waiting for that show to be released. The trailer was pretty decent, I must admit, so even though the cast was pathetic, okay not really pathetic but there isnt well, a cute guy, I was looking forward to the show. However, it seemed like King Arthur garnered rather bad reviews. If the show isnt going to be good, I dont think it will be worth it to watch it. I was supposed to watch it with the girls on Fri but it turned out that no one other than Yingling was interested so the girls decided not to watch the movie after all. Well, now I sian jit buah liao... Might not watch the movie. Well, Yingling, if you want watch it, give me a call, if you also sian jit buah then suan lor.

Presently, there are two well reviewed movies, Taegukgi or Brotherhood which ST Life! gave it 4 stars and Vozvrashcheniye or The Return which ST Life! gave it 5 stars.
Hmm... One Korean and one Russian. Does this measure the pathetic quality of Hollywood films?

Brotherhood
I swore not to watch it after watching the trailer for the like 1001st time. The trailers were everywhere, on tv, on tv mobile, and worse still in K-ster when after every hour or show there would be a pause for the trailer to be shown twice!
But I like war movies. And I like Jang Dong Gun. So, well, if anybody wants to go and watch can call me along, but only on a $6.50 day. Im not very inclined to let the advertisers have the misconception that over-exposure can lead to increased box office takings.

The Return
I caught the trailer when watching Japanese Story. I like the pace, the emotional intensity and the cut of the trailer which I guess speaks volumes for the actual show. This show will be exclusively showcased in Cathay Cineleisure. Cathay Cineleisure really brings in lots of pretty decent movies like, ya, Japanese Story, Zatoichi some time back and earlier this year there was Last Life in the Universe and so many more alternative films. I just hope that The Return wont be screened at that pathetic cinema hall where I went to watch Japanese Story. Cinema 6, I think, a small cinema at the back of some hidden stairwell and with like only 8 rows seating about 100 or so people. Anyone wants to watch this show can also ring me up!

busy busy week

Ive reached the height of procrastination. And much higher in contradictions.

Ive got a couple of outings with friends lined up this week and a whole lot of other stuff Ive got to do too. In chronological order,
wed morning go down NUS to register for some German Language course
wed aftn visit the library
wed aftn help Huijing play a prank on her friend
wed night chiong session with psycho ppl
fri aftn movie and shopping session with the girls clique
fri night dinner and chiong session with velut ppl
sat pool party with psycho ppl

According to schedule, there doesnt seem to be any clashes, but I dont think my pysical self can take that. In fact, other than the outing with the girls, I have yet cfm my attendance in any of the outings though I have to go down NUS on wed or thu by hook or by crook to register. Reason for my procrastination? The battle between the heart and mind. Heart says go, mind says dont go. Its getting like real bad that now my mind is even telling me not to go out with the girls this fri.

I need sleep.

I havent been sleeping much since I came back from union camp. I cant sleep at night, I dont know why; I tried sleeping in the day but the lure of tv is just too great; when I attempt to watch tv, I start to feel drowsy. My bio clock has gone all wrong.

Scanning down the list again, if I only visited NUS tmr morning and go mia for the rest of the activities, would I be able to fully adjust my bio clock and end my dumb procrastinations? Well, I did promised Huijing that Id help her even though I dont support what ahe and her friends are doing. It will be nice to meet up with the psycho people either on wed or on sat though both would just probably reduce me to a panda. Its been ages since Ive last seen the girls, but movies on a fri? That I dont think is very worth it even though Shuhui let me chose my fav cinema. Velut ppl... I thought we had just met up like ytd, but still chilling out on a fri night would prob ease my nerves.

By now most of my friends shd know that Im claustrophobic, I dont like to be in places where there are a lot of ppl. Even though aft going to arts camp and union camp have eased my nerves a little in crowds, I still feel a tinge of unhappiness in crowds and esp strong pangs of rising tempers aft leaving the crowed place. Is that a legitimate psychological disorder? I dont know...

Right now I just want to curl up behind a good book and enjoy, but procrastination kept me away from the lib, I prob not go to the lib too tmr but I need to return books. Seems like I will need to have to pay fines again. Am I such a loser?

Union Camp

For the past 5 days, I checked myself into torture camp. I got a place into union camp as a replacement. The news came very suddenly, only the day before, and I seriously was considering not joining it, but, well but, I didnt know why I went for it in the end.

Met many familiar faces there. Chong Han, Xuzi, Pam were also there though none in the same group as me and hence we didnt get to talk, except for Chong Han who ended up as one of the 10 guys whom I speed-dated. Yes, dont laugh! More on that dumb thing later cos that was really dumb. There were also many other arts campers back there including my sp replacement from arts camp who was a councillor in union camp. But the most familiar face in union camp was that of my cousin. Yes, my cousin. As how he put it, I was his mother’s brother’s daughter, so he is my father’s sister’s son. And he happened to be a councillor in my group.

Union camp was quite similar to arts camp, and I am not going to compare them as they both have their pluses and minuses. Though my sp replacement, from a councillor point of view, thought that this year’s union camp, unlike last year’s, was better than arts camp. All I can say is, well... I preferred arts Sentosa activities, or was it that it was with Velut that I preferred it. But union camp had this pool games which took place in the swimming pool where we went to different stations to play water games. I thought that that was my favourite game in union camp.

But then again, union camp had quite a number of sponsor activities and the dumbest of all was SDU-sponsored speed-dating where 10 girls sat in a row and 10 guys rotated to speak to each of the girls for 2 min. Yes, 2 min!!! Like, what can we know abt a person in 2 min?! One thing Id learnt from this is that never to join SDU and even if I join, never will I join its speed-dating activities.

The funny thing was that I seemed to become hyper on the last day of camp and when I left for home I wasnt inclined to sleep immediately, only slept at 1 last night but spent most of today sleeping. Haha...

Procrastinated so much today. It was as if I was paying back my procrastinating debts today just like I was paying back my sleeping debts. Haiz... Was supposed to do so many things to day, but... After 5 days of not doing any procrastination, I felt compiled, or rather, I felt the privilege of finally being able, to procrastinate. Sad...

Going Up the Roller Coaster

Im on an emotional roller coaster ride.

After dropped down into the Marianas Trench and was starting to dig, I suddenly find myself thrust up onto the Himalayas.

Possible reasons for the change?
* end of pms?
* acquisitions? One OP pouch, one OP Kids tee, one Happy House tee, one Giordano Dry-Tech bra top
* learning a new skill? Rollerblading
* 2 karaoke sessions in 4 days? Esp the second one, 6 ½ hr of singing, like, wow.
* good meals?
* watched a feel-good movie for a change? Around the World in 80 Days, mindless, senseless, funny, and a cute Luke Wilson and a cuter Owen Wilson. Really, Jackie Chan, who is he?
* mindless soccer? After dear dear Germany crashing out, and me getting over that tragedy, Ive seemed to feel less stressed and nervous over the Euros
* Dicky Cheung? He is my Panadol when I feel terrible, so with me back on track, being able to watch endless repeats of his shows and my on my vcd collection, I naturally feel better.
A packed schedule to keep my thoughts from running wild?

Aged

I realised that I seem to be on a different mental frequency of my peers.

Maybe its due to my complicated emotions different perceptions that people dont seem to be able to understand me.

I knew I was different that day when I read that stupid article by this columnist for a certain Chinese entertainment magazine. To translate it, it went “If I were 18 this year, my subject of fantasy would not be Wu Bai, but would be Zai Zai.” I was 18 when I red that article and pretty much in love with dear Wu Bai, so can I not get offended?! It seems to me that there are many people out there who share the sentiments of that columnist and with their broad generalisations slam oddballs like me. Or rather, they think Im weird.

I think my problem is that somewhere along my growth, I stagnated. And after that, I most immediately aged a couple of decades.

To a certain XX,

My life stagnated after we parted. I didnt know what to do without you even though you were never actually by me. I felt that during my 4 years of sec sch life and 2 years of jc life, I had just shut myself emotionally from the outside world, no thanks to you. Not really the physical you, but the memory of you that really haunts me.

At the end of last year, I decided to push memories of you out of my life, a move friends say should have been done long long ago. I really dont know why I procrastinated doing this. Maybe Im just self-degrading?

Well, half a year past with you successfully behind me, yet I seemed to have aged a good decade during this half a year or so. My attitudes towards love and life; friends and family have also changed. My emphasis towards various values has also shifted.

I know its not your fault. Its really all mine. Yes, Im that sad.

Im that pathetic.

Emo Day

Ive just awaken from a 3-hr nap and my specs are missing. I cant see what Im writing and my eyes re so near the keyboard that Im like breathing in dust. No one is ard to help me look for my specs. Shd I call my sis and ask if she had seen them? Or shd I just remain blind? I dont know...

I dont know... is how Ive been feeling these couple of days, being in a web of dilemma. I want to do something yet also want to do another thing; I dont seem to know what I want or what I dont want; I just dont know...

Arts camp proved one thing that Ive been dreading to realise: Im weaker than I thought. Injuries amassed: aches in my shoulder joints, back, upper arm muscles, thigh muscles, knee joints, calf muscles and ankles, a cut on a finger, a blue back on my hand aft someone stepped on it and not to mention all the symptoms I experienced from pms, nauseous, cramps, loss of appetite, blah...

I hate being weak. But can I help it if my constitution is weaker than others?

Not only my constitution is weak, I also suffer from a fragile emotive make up. I think too much. I let my thoughts run wild and not keep a rein on it. I often find myself mixed up between reality and fiction. Television affects me badly, a good movie affects me worse, and the last two movies I watched were emotively-charged critically-acclaimed ones, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Japanese Story.

I need to relax my emotions badly, but I cant seem to decide how to do it.

Torn is exactly how I feel. How can one feel happy when one has a grandmother undergoing series of operations? But how can one feel upset when one just welcomed the birth of a cousin?

Refer to my past entry on the excerpt of Harry Potter on the roller coaster of emotions. I cant help wishing that Im not a female and not a female Pisces in that matter. But then again, only a female Pisces can handle this whole load of emotions. If I were Ron Weasley, I wld have burst the moment I had emotions.

new blogskin

Ive removed everything except for the blog...

Any comments can be directed to my email account. Friends can msg me. I might bring back the tagboard if I change the blogskin the next time, but in the meantime, I will stick with this.

I wonder if there is anyone out in the www, other than my dear friends, reading my blog. Any soul can somehow find my blog appearing in some search engine for some search. And it seems that Im the only one who is using the moniker jal4eva as my blog was the only result that showed up when I typed that in Yahoo! search engine.

jal4eva. Ive used that since primary school like thats 7-8 years liao... Wow... I think Im the last living person who stuck to one and only one email account for that amount of time so much so that 85% of it is spam nowadays. Haiz...

I like Yahoo! If you are sick of your lousy hotmail account, turn to Yahoo!, it can only change your life for the better.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Its a Tuesday night; its a ulu movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; its into its second week of run; its one whole hour before the movie started that I went to buy the tickets, you would think Ive no problem getting decent seats for the show, dont you? Then you are so very wrong! I got front row seats! Like, wow... So, Singaporeans do like this sort of films, so overflowing with emotions.

Okay, to give credit to the show, it did garner excellent reviews. A certain critic with i-weekly said that that was the best film she had watched this year. The film was written by this fantastic screenwriter Charlie Kaufman who also wrote other excellent films like Adaptation and Being John Malkovich. Charlie Kaufman’s pieces characteristically feature characters with complex emotions and Eternal Sunshine was no exception.

But what struck me most of the film was that Jim Carrey is really an actor. Id always thought that he was merely a comedienne and nothing more, although I do admit that he is somewhat cute when he grins, in Eternal Sunshine, Jim Carrey was Joel. After watching Eternal Sunshine, I dont think I can ever see Jim Carrey as himself again. He just so convincingly transformed himself into Joel!

I think Im in love with Jim Carrey. Or maybe Im in love with Jim Carrey’s vivid portrayal of Joel. Or maybe, Im just in love with the magic that comes out of Charlie Kaufman. Just like I fell in love with Nicholas Cage after Adaptation.

I like men over-brimming with emotions yet too shy to show them out directly, and these are the main similarities of Charlie Kaufman’s male protagonists. From past television shows and movies from America to the Far East, this category of men are most likely to stay loyal to the One he loves and would put in their whole heart into a relationship. A current example would be that Cao Pi (Zihuan) from that 9pm channel U show.

Back to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, cant go on digressing about men if I want to properly introduce this film, can I? Basic plot of the story, Joel (Jim Carrey) meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) and they clicked at their first meeting, then the story goes back to the day before when Joel returns home to execute a memory erasing of Clementine, then probes back to Joel finding out that Clementine had erased Joel from her memory. From there, the story goes backwards in time and we learn of Joel and Clementine breaking up, them quarrelling, them falling deeply in love, them first meeting each other through the process of Joel erasing his memory.

I wonder where on earth Charlie Kaufman got the idea of such an interesting narration of events from end to beginning. He did it with such good effect that my feelings for the characters linger on even after the show end.

An example, Joel’s meeting with Clementine in the opening of the show. Clementine asked Joel if she knew him. “No, I dont think so” was his reply. Then she introduced herself as Clementine and asked him not to make fun of her name. He gave her a blank stare and asked why anyone would make fun of her name. “(Its that song) Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine” she sang. “I never heard of it” was his reply.

This scene didnt evoke any emotion from me when I watched it, but after watching another scene, memories from this scene pricked my heart as it ached for both characters.

That was the scene when Joel first met Clementine. Their real first meeting. She introduced herself as Clementine and asked him not to make fun of her name. Joel went like, “(Its that song) Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine”. She laughed. That probably made him fell in love with her. I dont know.

In Eternal Sunshine, people have their memories erased so that they can carry on with life and not be burdened by past sad memories.

When I wanted to forget someone by pushing him out of my mind, I found that the harder I try to get him out of my mind the more stubbornly he stayed there, then I tried to forget him by coming to terms with it and it worked, Im a lot happier now.

As Joel tried to erase Clementine out of his head, he found himself wanting more and more to keep memories of her alive that forced the procedure to get more complicated. But the ending of the film echoes my personal experience to a certain degree, they are a lot happier after they finally come to terms with each other.

Memory erasing, is it ethical?

In a scene from Fruitsbasket, a Japanese manga with an anime version, two characters Hatori and Kasa had such a turbulent relationship that Kasa was on the verge of breaking down. Hatori erased her memory of him so that she could carry on with life happily. She did just that after her memory was erased, but Hatori kept his memory of her intact along with all the pain. Ayame, Hatori’s best friend once remarked to him, “I want to see you hundreds of time happier than Kasa.”

In another scene from the same source, Momiji’s mother, for similar reasons had him erased from her memory and continued her life seemingly normal, but Momiji had to endure the stigma of his mother treating him like an almost stranger.

Personally, I thought that it wasnt fair for Hatori and Momiji to suffer emotionally in silence when the latter’s mother and Kasa could carry on with life happily. I dont know why, but I just dont find it fair.

But in Joel and Clementine’s case, maybe it was better for them to start anew literally. Maybe it was due to Charlie Kaufman’s wonderful script that made me think so. I dont know.

Go watch the film and share with me your thoughts.

Judgment at Nuremburg

D-Day special: Judgment at Nuremburg at 11pm on Central ytd

Aft watching that, I started thinking about the basis for the trials of war crime. What exactly amounts to a war crime? Are they against the law? The trials for war crime charges the defendants as acts against humanity. But in another perspective, some of those war crimes were carried out as executions, ie legal and dignified, of people who were seen to be ought to be put to death during the war era. As it was acted out according to law, the defendants actually hadnt broken any law and shdnt be found guilty of anything.

Hitler came to power through democratic means. He became his party’s leader, then through elections, his party emerged as the largest ruling party, it was only after that then Hitler slowly through the passing of bills and amendments to the constitution – all agreed and signed in favour by the legislation – that he cld become a dictator. The defendants were not guilty for crimes, but shd be guilty for the toleration of the decadence of their constitution.

However, if this were so, then wldnt there be more Germans guilty? The Germans who voted for Hitler; those who put Hitler into power; those who readily allowed Hitler to pass his Enabling Act. Not only are the Germans guilty, other countries who saw the rise of power of Hitler but did not intervene to put an end to it shd also be guilty. Russia who signed a non-aggression pact with Hitler shd be guilty, Britain who had an appeasement policy towards Hitler allowed him to become bolder in his demands shd also be guilty; America, France, and other European nations all had a part to play.

In the show, the judge finally found the defendants to be guilty of their charges and sentenced them to life imprisonment. But as the Cold War and the Berlin blockade prevailed, America was desperate in finding an ally with Germany, most of those prisoned war criminals were freed not long aft. It is interesting to note that to the vast Germans, these war criminals were heralded by them, they did not see them as guilty, thus the Americans by freeing them gained the popularity of the masses.

At this point in the show, I became extremely disgusted by the hypocrisy of the Americans. Personally, I dont think that the war leaders shd be found guilty of committing those acts against humanity, but if the Americans were to find them guilty, then they shd jolly well let them serve their sentence and not act accordingly with times.

Personally, I think that in circumstance were right and wrong cannot be quantified, the war leaders in order to preserve their dignity, shd commit suicide. In Japan, aft the war ended, throngs of Japanese war leaders committed suicide as they thought it was a great shame to be tried. Likewise, as defeat loomed near, Hitler, Goebbels and Himmler all committed suicide. Goering committed suicide just before he was tried for his war crimes.

Such committing suicide not only cries out “innocent!”, but also allows one to leave the world with one last shred of dignity. They wld die not as war criminals or defeated foes, but as great leaders.

Faye Wong World Tour 2004 Concert

Faye Wong World Tour 2004 Concert

I wouldnt say it was an amazing experience, but it was indeed an interesting one. Wangfei’s vocals were well worth the ticket price. She had about 6 costume changes, but unfortunately most of her costumes were rather simple. Simple yet elegant though.

The only thing that spoiled the concert was that I was not in a very good mood.

It isnt that Im in a bad mood, but my emotions seemed to have run way out of hand lately. Everything around me is affecting my emotions. Television, radio, shopping, reading, writing, etc. Can someone help me to stop my thoughts from running wild? Please...

At first I thought that this mood swing was merely pms, but it escalated into I dont know what. Unlike normal mood swings, I dont feel of ups and downs, I feel of down and downer. And unlike pms mood swings which lasts only a couple of days, this has been going on for a couple of weeks liao. I think I might need help.

My mind is so jumbled up that I dont even know what Im thinking about. I want to talk about the tv shows Im watching, I want to talk about the songs Wangfei sang ytd, I want to talk about my new handphone and how to download mp3 songs, I want to talk about the weird dreams Im having, i want to talk about I dont know where to start.

Id really wanted to enjoy myself at Wangfei’s concert ytd. Really. I tried to block everything else that came to my mind. But they seemed to have came back to haunt me doubly after that.

Tsk...

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Roller coaster of emotions.

An excerpt from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

** "Dont you understand how Cho's feeling at the moment?" [Hermione] asked.

"No," said Harry and Ron together.

Hermione sighed and laid down her quill.

"Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she cant work out who she likes best. Then she will be feeling guilty, thinking its an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she will be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably cant work out what her feelings towards Harry are, anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so thats all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly."

A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person cant feel all that at once, theyd explode."

"Just because youve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesnt mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again. **

Sometimes, I really wish I have the emotional range of a teaspoon. Being able to feel about so many things at once; having to think about so many different or even related things all at the same time; feeling so bad about myself, all put a strain on my emotional balance.

If people who think of so many things at once would explode, I would have exploded before the period in the first line. But wouldnt exploding be better? There neednt be that much after Ive exploded... I dont know...

I Went Yesterday...

I went yesterday...

After much consideration, I decided to go. But with hindsight, Id rather not have gone. It was a compete fiasco. Like, what duh?!

Staying at home is still the best. Just me and my computer and/or my darling jotter book with all the wonderful characters of my story... I was supposed to be doing my story ytd when I was all hyped up and totally in the mood, overflowing with creative juices, but, well, its all gone today. My pathetic muse is lazier than me...

Haiz... Today will just be another day... Procrastination seems to be setting in liao, wonder if I will actually be working on my story anot later.

I guess I will stick to my moods the next time. Ya, really, why bother let sudden changes change your plan? Just stick to the original plan and I know I will certainly be comfortable with it!

Sucky Day...

Umm... Rather disappointed with the effect of this new blogskin. The dimensions are weird, and I cant seem to be able to fix it. The html writing for this template is not as clear as the previous skins I worked with before. Haiz...

Ive seen this pix before, and also other works by this artist. Found them to be quite interesting. But it does seem weird on my blog... It makes me seem as if none of my friends are true friends. Maybe I will keep it for some time, until I find a blog that expresses my feelings.

Okay, I just received a call from Zihui and I am like totally pissed!

We girls were like supposed to go West Coast for a day of fun outing tmr, but I just heard that its pushed forward to today (?!) later at 3 (!!). Like, what is the time now?? I hate being totally unprepared! Now, Ive got nothing to wear; Ive not taken my bath; my pathetic handphone is not charged; Im in a totally foul mood! Man, man, man... Damn it, man! Seriously considering if I should go anot, and Ive less than an hour to think abt it, what shit is this!

I think Ive got pms. Probably getting my period soon. Oh man, if its coming later, I really wont want to leave my nice comfy room with all its security.

Time is ticking.

Go.

Dont go.

What fuck lah!

Next time, friends, dont put me in such a spot. Dont make last min plans; dont make last min changes to plans; dont plan on gng to somewhere without air-conditioning; dont piss the hell out of me; dont only think abt yourselves!

piss piss piss

**Needed: Someone to accompany this little girl to Faye Wong’s Concert
Price: Negotiable
Please, someone, reply to this notice and contact me...
Im getting desperate...**

Sometimes, people think little of what they say, they dont realise that something, little to them it may seem, but actually pisses the other party off. This would be like putting a frog into a pail of water and very gradually increasing the temperature. The frog in the water cant react to the subtle increase in the temperature of the water until it is too late, the poor frog would already have been cooked. Likewise, the pissed-off party would not immediately show his unhappiness but would slowly and subtly launch his revenge plan condemning the oblivious “frog” into eternal damnation.

This would be in stark contrast with outright pissing people off. When you knowingly and openly piss people off, it would be like immediately placing a frog into a pail of boiling water. In this circumstance, the frog would instinctively jump out of the water before much damage can be done. Similarly, the pissed-off person in this context would launch an open rebuttal against the “frog” thereby allowing the “frog” to work out a defensive plan.

So, what exactly is the point of my frog theory?

Well, I would like to warn people to watch their speech and not to unknowingly piss me off. Im the kind of person who gets pissed of easily even though I sometimes wont show it, and I harbour grudges.

What would piss me off?

Comments on my weight.

Okay, not all comments would piss me off, so the exact answer of the above question would be, ignorant comments on my weight in an ignorant tone.
Those people who are pissing me off with their ignorant comments on my weight are basically friends I’ve made from March 2002 to May 2003, so that would be all those people in TJ.

Examples of piss-worthy remarks:
“Oh, Joan! Are you still eating?!” I mean, we go out for lunch, for dinner together, and you see me eating as much, if not more than you and you still got the cheek to ask if Im eating?!
“Joan, I think its time to stop your diet. You lost enough weight.” My crash diet lasted only the whole of May 2003, one year ago, and after that I continued by eating regular portions of food (note: regular as in what you and everyone else is eating!). Besides, Im not the kind of people who can stare into a delicious serving of whatever and say I cant eat it as Im on a diet, NEVER.
“Joan, can you stop losing weight?” Some things are beyond my control. Im eating well and happily, never munching on carrots, or lettuce or tomatoes ever in my life, esp if they are raw. Double the yucks!
“I must take Joan as an example and lose some weight!” Really, are you so thick to believe that losing weight is in everyone’s blood? Its not something any Tom, Dick or Harry can do.

History of Joan’s Weight

Ever since I was young, I was tall and skinny. It is naturally so, hence it will also be so. I was 40kg throughout my first two years in secondary school, then I started eating at an exponential rate. Fast food would be ordered as a meal up-sized, buffets would see me downing what could feed a family of four in Ethiopia for at least half a month, snacks about the portion of one big bag of Lay’s became almost an everyday affair, the list goes on. It was no wonder that I ballooned and graduated from Sec 4 with a weight of 55kg.

The situation worsened during the period March 2002 to May 2003 when I did nothing in TJ other than eating in the canteen or scope and sleeping in the library or scope, I think I did try to fit in some lessons between eating and sleeping but that was negligible. Hence, I reached my peak in May 2003 with an impressive weight of 63kg.

I am a naturally thin person, so it was not difficult for me to lose the excessive weight Id built up over the horrific 3 ½ years and I did so only by cutting back on my humongous diet, so if you are the kind of people who are already fat in the first place, I suggest that you dont try to emulate me. Its no use.

Another thing about me is that Im small boned. Even though I may look thin, and I may be weighing very little, Im still covered with fats around my tummy area and upper thighs and even on my upper arms. Note: fats are less dense than muscles and bones. So, it is of no wonder that I weigh lighter than what people think.

And my stretch marks... My stretch marks didnt appear after I lost weight as most people think. They appeared during my 3 ½ years of exponential weight gain and merely deepened after my weight loss.

Now I weight 47kg. It may be a little on the light side, but Im still 7kg heavier than I was supposed to be, so please, all those people who never saw me in my 40kg stature, stop your ignorant comments and accept the fact that the world is loads bigger than you think!

All Hope's Gone

**I still need someone to go with me to watch Faye Wong’s concert.
Anyone interested? Dont hesitate, just call me up!
Price negotiable, just treat it as accompanying me... Please? **

10 min ago, I dropped my bottle of anti-stretch mark essence and onto the floor it went in pieces. The essence splattered all onto the bathroom floor; the glass bottle shattered into tiny bits.

When the bottle broke, I felt that whatever hopes that I had harboured in it came crashing down with it.
Is Something Up There giving me a hint not to place my hopes in it?
Is that same Something also telling me not to continue to buy anymore hopes?

Should I buy another bottle and continue my therapy to at least see if that thing works?
Or should I take a hint from that Something and just put the whole issue behind me?
Should I also forget about buying my other hopes?

Buying a Piece of Hope

**I still need someone to go with me to watch Faye Wong’s concert.
Anyone interested? Dont hesitate, just call me up!
Price negotiable, just treat it as accompanying me... Please? **

These few days, my life seems to be rotating round a singular concept, buying a hope. What I have been doing lately have been pretty much trying to get out as high a percentage of hope as possible. What is hope? How do you actually buy hope?

I dont really know the answer of the above two questions myself, but an example would be the bottle of anti-stretch mark essence I just bought. It is a widely know fact that these sort of commercial products, like bust-increasing cream, slimming gel, blah, are not known to be that miraculous, but I still bought a bottle to try out. The $19.60 I paid for is what I can call buying a hope.

Sometimes, I dont use money physically to buy a hope, but my actions and the real value of my sacrifices make it that I am almost as if I were buying a hope. Using opportunity cost to buy my hope.

Why do I need such hopes? I dont know that either...

I just know that my ultimate hope is to find a someone who can provide me with all the hopes that I need to go through life... ...

Or that my hopes can slowly one by one materialise into reality... ...

At the Ritz

For the past 4 days, I took up a short stint as a guest relation officer at Ritz-Carlton Hotel. After those 4 days there, I can only say life is tough.

To some, being able to work at Ritz-Carlton sounds glamorous, ya, Liyun, you sounded so envious while Im like more envious of you students. Behind the facade of such a beautiful and classy lobby that guests see when they enter the hotel are complicated, winding staff passageways where I always got lost. Collecting my pay was also tough as there were like so many bureaucratic procedures that I have to follow.

Work there was almost a big killer. I had to stand all day, opening the big glass doors for guests with such a big smile that my face was cracking. Well, actually, what cracked was not really my face, but my 2-inch thick makeup. The makeup was thick enough for stage makeup at Kallang Theatre so much so that when I met Jiadai on the train after work she asked me if Id just had a performance. I dont know if it was PMS but, I was so drained out after work that I felt like dying. My colleagues expected me to know what to do, but I didnt, and after asking, they made me feel stupid. I dont know, but I thought that the people working there spoke in a tone that sounds superior which to my ears made me feel stupid, and they were ALWAYS asking others how were they and I hate it when they ask me that cos you cant really expect me to answer “Shitty!” and I really cant bring myself to answer in their model answer of “Excellent!” cos I really feel shitty.

At the end of the second day, I felt so so bad that I thought I was going to burst. Thanks, Vic, for lending a listening ear! Tuesday night was one of the most remarkable nights ever in my life. After feeling so bad, another chain of incidents really lit up my life again! First there was the nice chat with Vic, then I met Jiadai on the train. There I was chatting animatedly on the phone with Vic when Jiadai messaged me that she was on the same train as me, but no matter how I looked I couldnt see her, finally I heard her voice and went to chat with her. When feeling down, friends are the ones who can provide you with the comfort you would need. Really. Thanks Jiadai! Things didnt end there, just when I was feeling loads better, I met Alexis at the MRT station! He just left camp and was going home cos he had an interview the next day. It was really great catching up with him at the bus stop. That is really what I like most about 4B, you can put any two 4B people together and we can just talk, well, almost all... Its nice knowing from Alexis that basically all the 4B people did very well for the A levels, many people got like 3As 1B, the rest also did reasonably well. Its also nice to know that Alexis applied for dentistry (?!) and was given an interview, all the best to you, Alexis! And also good luck to you over in the army, dont get sent into military jail (although you seem to have half a foot in it already)! Really, after the nice catching up with him, bad feelings? all thrown out of the window liao!

Okay, back to my job... What I liked about the job was meeting lots of different kind of people, being able to lead them around the hotel, rendering them all the help that they can get, and also going around to check the state of the rooms to see if they were all in order. I even went into the presidential suite! but it was to do the most unglamorous job of sending a message... haiz...

In my short (it seemed really long then!) 4 days there, I also learn many things like having to control my temper, even when I think Im right I must also appear to accept that Im wrong. The high points during my work there... I received a nice big tip of $10!! I didnt expected it cos I didnt do much to that pair of guests, just led them around and answered a couple of questions, gave them advice on where to go shopping, so the tip was very sudden. Well, rich people are just rich people... How envious can I get?! The funny thing was that the guest slipped the tip into my hand while we shook hands so Id thought that the piece of paper was some rubbish that he wanted me to help him throw away so I didnt thank him for that tip... Well, in Ritz-Carlton, there isnt any dustbins, so our poor staff always have to improvise as portable dustbins... sounds stupid, but the threat of terrorism outweighs stupidity...

I also got to meet some famous people and one of them was Prof Tommy Koh! He was at the hotel for some UN seminar or something and when he was leaving, I held the door open for him! Sounds pretty unglamorous, but hey, its Prof Tommy Koh leh...

In all, it was an eye-opening experience working there, but Im not in it anymore, my poor legs are all spoilt from prolonged standing, my poor toes are in blisters from the stuffy shoes, my torso is stiff from the prolonged upright posture that I have to maintain to look good in that uniform, my shoulders are aching from all the opening and closing of those heavy glass doors (note: shouldnt it be my forearms aching? I used body weight to open the doors, so its my shoulders that ached... must rmb that someone failed her IFAH, so it was almost impossible for her to use her forearms to open the doors), my face has deteriorated from the heavy use of cosmetics, my head hurts from the tight bun that I have to put up... hai...

But the most pressing agenda I have now is to find someone to accompany me to Faye Wong’s concert... Im getting so desperate that Im willing to negotiate the price of the ticket and suffer a loss... Calling, if you are interested, do not hesitate to call me to negotiate a price, really...

help

I desperately need someone to accompany me to Faye Wong’s concert.
I have with me tickets to very decent seats and it costs only $135, a far cry from the original price of $150.
Ya, its very decent even for the seats in the same price block.
Please somebody out there, consider this deal carefully.
Its Faye Wong... ...

help

Faye Wong World Tour Concert
2 June 2004 Wednesday 8pm
Anybody wants to go and watch with me?
Its $148+2 but I can pay using citibank credit card so there will be a 10% discount.
Its Faye Wong!!!
Okay, please, please, somebody, stand up and volunteer to accompany me to the concert, please! Hey... I can get 10% discount leh...

ting wen

Well, I have decided not to find work anymore. I will just lounge around until the Taiwan trip and make further decisions after. In the meantime, I will probably be rendering help to Adeline for the upcoming Temasek Nite Lu Yuan Zhi Ye, people, must go and watch hor...

While helping Adeline look for suitable music, I went through my cd collection again and listened to some music that I had seemed to have forgotten. Sharing with everybody some really nice listening pieces,

*In the Mood for Love Original Soundtrack
Good to listen at night cos the lounge music of Yumeji’s Theme, the dadada dadada dadada daa very popular one and the Ang Kor Wat music relaxes your mind and body and puts you to an easy sleep. The Shanghainese Operas on the other hand adds to a sad night of recollections if you are still not sleepy.

*C’est la Vie – Chyi’s English album
As we all know Chyi soothing voice is for easy listening and in this album where music is kept o a minimum, it is easier on the ears and is good for relaxing at any time. My recommendations, Forever, and At Seventeen

*Pocahontas Original Soundtrack
A Disney classic. Need I say any more?!

*Fearless vs Future – an Aaron Kwok ep
A very Aaron Kwok mix of a few songs in both Cantonese and Mandarin so its only for die hard fans like me. Most people know I am like crazy over Faye Wong and Wubai but not many people actually realise that I am also a die hard fan of the Heavenly King whose dance moves are to die for. I think I must have surprised dear Jiadai when I sang a whole lot of Aaron’s songs when I went ktv with her and Zihui...

*Golden Flower – a Karen Mok Cantonese album
This album is completely produced by Wubai who used about only a synthesiser, only occasional tracks include proper instruments, bta, ya. It is a very experimental album which I dont think will appeal to many, but one thing can be very surely concluded, Lin Xi is a godsend genius! And Karen is a weirdo, like who would wrap oneself in Clingfilm as a photoshoot outfit?!

Try listening to the above albums! You can borrow from me, ya?

47 48 47

47kg
Thats my weight in the morning.
48kg
Thats my weight after dinner.
47kg
Thats my weight before bedtime.

Boy, I sure do need help!

But somehow for me, the fats dont disappear as my weight continues to plunge... Theres still the humongous thighs and the protruding tummy even though Im now a size S (big S though)...

Or are the fats that I see only just a facade?

Boy, I sure do need more help than Id thought!

And the thing is that even with my mum administering my diet and my regular once a week bowel movements (its so ever since I was young so its nothing to worry abt), there still seems to be no improvement in my weight...

Help!

Elaine

Just 30min ago, this girl Elaine called to the radio station wanting to dedicate a song to her friends cos she could not continue befriending them. Upon probing, the deejay found out that Elaine was detained by her boyfriend in his house at this very moment. He had also disallowed her to continue meeting her friends or talk to them over the phone. To ensure her obedience, he beat her up and even used cigarette butts to burn her. The deejay advised her to report this matter to the police immediately. A while later, Elaine SMSed back to the radio station that she had called the police and the police would be arriving to rescue her.

This set me thinking. What is love?

Females have always been disadvantaged in a relationship ever since the beginning of time. They have been the subject of violence and abuse when the relationship goes wrong. They suffer both emotionally and also physically.

Man?!

Here, I would like to dedicate a song to Elaine. This is one of my favourite songs, but here, ive translated it. I think id still captured the essence of the song... Any idea what song is it originally? hehe...

*If Only I Were You*
I’d used all my heart to hug you
Willing to love you and put your interests before mine
Thought you’d taken over the whole of me
Suspicions mixed with faith
Our present also includes our past
Time is not enough for you to commit yourself
You would always leave me at the wrong moment
Distancing from our relationship
For me to take the initiative and look for you
If only I were you
I’d relief you to love me wholeheartedly
Every moment from the bottom of my heart
And when you look back at me
I’d still be at where you’d left me standing
Really, can you ever pay me back?
More courage than what I’d put in
If only I were you
I’d continue this long path of love
But I am not you
And whenever I think of this
I can only try and understand and keep the tears to myself
Loving you, Never giving up
We’d been through many rough patches
It’s not my intention to beg you to come back to me
Just to let you know the pain I’m suffering
And every time I think of this
Not a slight hope is left, Only tears
But I can never be you
***
Although this situation is quite different from Elaine’s, I can say that her life could have been better if she was him, but as the last line, she can never be him... Well, on a lighter note, since she has called the police, that guy would probably get into trouble with the law; Elaine can live a better life now!

I would like to use this opportunity to wish Elaine all the best for her future (without that guy)!

What Shall I Do Now?

Im officially unemployed now that my contract with John Little has ended and I have absolutely no interest in extending it. It is not that I dont like working there, but I really need a break to slowly ponder over what I want to read in Uni and to settle all the administration stuff which Im really bad at. Id really like to take this opportunity to thank all my superiors and fellow colleagues at JLPP for their guidance. Now that I left, Id also promised them that I will be back... as a disgruntled customer! Now that I now how things work in there, haha, I try my best to make life difficult for them! haha...

With all the time on my hands, I think I will also write a book titled How to Do Well in Exams with Minimal Studying. I think I have every reason to succeed with that book cos I can just put my whole personal experience in that book! Okay, Im not trying to gloat, but thinking back, I think Im really lucky!

For Maths, I didnt study complex numbers, differential equations, ap gp, applications of integration, applications of differentiation, pdf cdf, and a whole lot more, but I got an A for Maths! How amazing!

*To my dear juniors, the trick behind is do specialise, pray hard, and dont make mistakes*

For Econs, I studied like 4 topics to do 3 questions, only Labour Market didnt come out, but the rest was just as I spotted. Considering that for two years in JC I never got more than a 9/25 for my essays, the B that I got for Econs is really a godsend. This I must thank Ms Leong for spending much time with me going through MCQs and the Case Study.

*So, the trick is to concentrate on what you can score in (note: I didnt waste my time studying essays), make your teacher work (you didnt pay your school fees for nothing) and pray hard that you spotted correctly*

My Hist was quite expected, so there isnt really any trick being the score that I got except hard work, a hardworking Mr Thompson (thanks) and a well, Mr Hasim, whom Ive got nothing to say about.

Maybe I can write another book called How to Spot Questions Correctly...

On Top of the World~

Very pleased with my results. Especially for Econs. Thank you very much, Ms Leong!!!

Now that Im quite certain about my future, I can start making plans for the rest of this nice long hols without much agony. After the John Little stint, I dont want to continue any more. I would probably want to bum around... Ya, Vic, you too, bum around with me, the unity of the voluntary unemployed!

Maybe I wld want to try out for relief teaching... Sounds pretty slack, quite easy money... Say, let us see how.

I will also want to try find time to meet up with all friends I havent met up for a long time. That reminds me, I have yet received ANY birthday present!!! This is so so sad... Where are my friends?! If you, my dear friend read this, and acknowledge that you are my friend, you get the hint? Peiting, hope you dont forget, it is double this year hor... hehe... so bhb...

Another incentive for me to remain unemployed and meet up with friends after leaving John Little... Ahhh... Cant wait to be free!!!

A Bad Dream

I had a bad dream. I dreamt that I received my A level results and got a D for maths, so devastating. My total points were also so low that I could not make it into uni.

Anw, I had a good talk with my parents after receiving my SAT scores which surprisingly was not as bad as I thought it would be. But then again, it is pretty redundant liao so I guess it would only come into use if I fluke my As. My dad has a friend who has two children studying in Australia, so my dad would probably send me over if I cant get into a local uni. I would then do some arts course, hopefully meet some rich guy and get married so that I can use his money to further my dreams...

As what my father said, I am not Eric Khoo with a multi-billionaire father to support my drama dreams, so I can only rely on either myself or a rich husband. Maybe I can hook up one of the elder Khoo grandchildren...

Well, I am feeling quite better now that I have an alternative plan of my future, not really that stressed on receiving my results. Must have confidence in myself! *determined* Like what a colleague said, worse come worse, sign on to be a perm staff lor... Quite looking forward to receiving my results liao...

sucks...

I have been trying my best to prevent my life from falling into a routine, but somehow certain aspects of life seem to have been mechanised.

I have been trying my best not to think about the release of A level results, but a nagging sensation at the back of my head seems to have planned for the worst-case circumstance. My blog entry for that day will consist of four letters only—F U C K.

I have been trying my best not to procrastinate, but I have just been procrastinating this resolution.

I have been trying my best not to feel lonely, but sometimes I just cannot help but feel lonely and I need something more than physical company, some sort of an emotional company to prevent myself from falling apart.

I have been trying my best to enjoy life to the fullest, but it seems the more I try the more empty I feel. 19 years of life, I cannot think of one thing that I can be proud of.

I have been trying my best to plan ahead for the future, to map out my whole career path, but the one thing I am striving for seems to be so distant and I cannot help but start thinking of alternatives. The singer Jewel once said that it was by not preparing any alternatives that made her even more determined to succeed in her singing career because she knew that once she made backup plans she would tend to fall into that trap. If so, am I destined to fail?

I have been trying my best to put all the unhappy memories behind me and start over again, but there is no one there to stretch out a helping hand. And I just fall deeper into a vicious cycle of my emotional blackhole.

Like. Don't Like.

I like being able to help my customers.

I like being able to answer my customers’ questions.

I like it when after asking if my customer has Robinsons’ card, he takes it out and thus being able to enjoy special discounts.

I like it when my supervisor asks me to help her.

But then again,

I dont like packing stuff.

I dont like folding clothes.

I dont like making mistakes.

I dont like customers who think they are the king and/or queen of the universe.

work. sian.

I have started working again. I dont like it.

I thought that perhaps I could do more cashiering this time, but I am so so wrong. I ended up doing more packing than ever. I had to pack bottles after bottles, tubes after tubes, boxes after boxes of facial wash, shampoo, shower foam, hand cream, masks, blah. Lunch was staggered, so poor little me had to have lunch alone. Luckily, the people there are quite nice and understanding and I was also let off on time, without having to complete what I was doing.

The best thing is that I am off today and tmr. What a nice duty roster... haha... I hope when I return back to work I can get to do more cashiering, but I dont think that would happen. We are now preparing for our sales and need more manpower to do the horrible packing and arranging and blah, the cashier counters are left unattended, only when there are customers then the cashiers will rush over to the counters and even then it is usually the more experienced staff that do the cashiering. haiz...

If only I can strike the lottery, or marry some rich guy, or something similar, then I can spend the rest of my life slacking around in luxury... ...

Christmas time is a sad time

Memories can be most painful yet dear to us.

Last Christmas, I took a friend out of my annual Christmas Card Mailing List because I wanted to wipe that person out from me. I want to just forget everything and carry on with life without having a constant unhappy feeling at the back of my head. Like what is the use of being friends when they are only for betrayal? If so, why bother being friends at all? Haiz... Until now, I have quite succeeded in removing that friend from my life.

After Christmas, I had decided to erase another person out of my memory and take out that name from my annual list end this year. When I make friends, I would always put my heart and soul into that friendship, but sometimes what you put in is not what you get. If that person really doesnt want to remain friends with me, I dont see a need for me to be so thick-skinned.

Lately, I have deliberated over the issue of friends again. I have finally made another heart-wrenching decision to take another person out of my end year list. After being on the list for 7 years, the decision to pull that name out is not for me to forget but for the other party to forget. A card represents much care and concern, especially at this digital age. By ceasing the reception of future cards is to put an end to the reception of care and concern. Some people might think this will be very mean of me to do so, but after much consideration I think that it would be meaner for me to continue showing that care and concern when it has the potential of becoming a heavy burden. I have decided to ease my friend’s burden and shoulder it myself... ...

Maybe if I can remove the latter from my memory, I would live a more cheerful life, but this action would also remove some of my most treasured moments. Deciding between two evils, I can only do what I do best, procrastinate. By procrastinating such an act, I more tend to fall back into the past and live in a pseudo-utopian world I created, and then I would continue procrastinating... A vicious cycle which I am still trapped inside... The only possible way to escape from this vicious can only be an ending from fairy tales. In Sleeping Beauty, the Prince fought with the evil Witch and finally kill her to remove the curse and save the Princess from eternal unconsciousness with a kiss... ...

Wherefore art thou, my dear Prince...

On the Trail of Wangfei

One of my New Year resolution was to be a more ardent fan of Wubai and Wangfei which until now I am proud to say I am doing it. Friends who have had their birthdays have seen my fanatics, poor Victoria and Yanling should also understand after accompanying me on a disappointing queuing up expedition at Plaza Singapura on Sunday and at Junction8 ytd. I would really like to send my utmost thanks the both Victoria, having to endure sun and horrible PRCs, and Yanling, having to endure 9hours of boredom and an evil PRC, for queuing with me just to see dear Faye.

Sad to say, I am utterly disappointed with the PRCs in Singapore... ... They are like a bunch of kiasu (really, who said Singaporeans are kiasu is totally wrong!), queue-cutting, evil-mouthed, self-centred assholes man! Cant wait to boot all of them out of my sight! But have also met some other more decent fans who really are able to queue for longer periods just to support Faye. Way to go!!!

Although in her 35th year, Faye doesnt boast the looks of her age. She seems to have put on weight in her cheeks yet her legs are just as thin as ever. My legs are just monstrous beside hers... She is now sporting a short haircut, but I think a longer permed one looks nicer on her, well, just my thoughts. She is still not very fond of speaking and has an embarrassed look every time we scream out her name. Just as the Faye we know... ...

Last Life of the Universe

An introduction of a fascinating movie I watched yesterday.

Title:
Last Life in the Universe (in Japanese, Thai, and English with Chinese and English subtitles)

Directed by:
Pen-Ek Ratanaruang

Starring:
Asano Tadanobu (a film actor who so dedicated to film-making that he never acted in any TV drama which is most unlike the typical Japanese actor)
Sinitta Boonyasak
Laila Boonyasak

Cinematography by:
Christopher Doyle (an award-winning cinematographer favoured by dear Wong Kar Wai

Basic plot of the story:
Kenji, a suicidal and obsessive librarian, after killing someone goes off into hiding with Noi with just knocked dead her own sister. Being with each other for 3 days, Kenji and Noi slowly finds light in their lives.

Other draws to the film:
* Very solid acting from the cast. Asano Tadanobu even won the best actor award for this film in the prestigious Venice Film Festival. Highly engaging interaction between Asano Tadanobu and Sinitta Boonyasak as neither speaks each other’s language and had to resort to using a third language which neither speaks well. This language handicap greatly brings out the best of their acting.
* The use of comic relief in this film adds a jarring and disturbing effect which, too, heightens the presentation of the ideas the director wants to bring forth
* The seed for this story, the reason for the title of this film, was from a children’s picture book entitled The Last Lizard which is the basis for this film. A lizard wakes up one day to find that all the other lizards were gone. He was the last lizard left. His family was gone; his friends were gone; and even his enemies were gone too. The lizard felt lonely and there was no one, not even an enemy, for him to talk to. He would rather have his enemies around him than be all by himself. Perhaps both Kenji and Noi, and even Noi’s sister, Nid, saw themselves in a similar position as the lizard.
* The Straits Times Life! movie correspondent, Ong Sor Fern, gave this film a five-star rating.

$1million

I would really like to share with all my friends news that I am one of the lucky 11 ppl who won the group 1 prize of today’s Toto. Although the prize money is $9 000 000 short of my expectations, I must admit I am absolutely delighted with my win. I will still spend the money according to the proportions I had previously meted out.

***
No matter how much I would really like to share that above piece of news, I am afraid I cant do so as I can only like what the title of this blog suggests, I can only build castles in the clouds.

Maybe I should change the title of this blog to reflect what I really want, not so much of building castles in the clouds, but building solid castles with stable foundations... ...

musings~

It is always good to meet up with old friends and have a good afternoon chat. Meeting up with the cds ppl ytd made me realise how fast time have past and how much our perspectives of life have changed. Most of us are working liao and somehow during our catching up, issues of our work were always brought up. I wonder if that would become the main topic of our discussions for years to come, especially if we still meet up regularly after our uni ed.

I wonder what will become of us in 10 years. Will I be happy with my job and able too feed myself well with that job? Will I manage to find a suitable beau and get married and have kinds? Will I grow wrinkles or put on weight or start wearing ah-soh kinds of clothes? Or will I just end up as a pathetic lonely soul, fed up with my work but yet need it to live? Or maybe life is so unpredictable that I might just die in an accident or contract some fatal disease like bird flu and leave the world before that 10 years... ...

Haiz... Really shouldnt be that pessimistic leh... Okay, to be more optimistic, maybe I will just win this Thursday’s Toto and become a multi-millionaire and need not work for the rest of my life! When (note: the use of when and not if!) I strike Toto, after tax-deductions, I will put 80% of it in a fixed-interest deposit to ensure that the money can last me as long as I live, 14% will go to my education fund. With the money, I can pursue my dreams of furthering a performing arts education at a nice liberal arts school, maybe in US or Australia or even UK. Then I will spend the remaining 1% on luxury goods to really pamper myself. A Louis Vuitton bag, a Burberry trench coat, Chanel underwear, Salvatore Ferragamo shoes and most importantly a nice dinner at Jade for my family!

this tone of voice...

There is this tone of voice that I sometimes would use to retort. At its very best it is a dismissive tone, rather nonchalant, but at its worst it is more of caustic and biting. I use it when I am unsure if a remark is supposed to be sarcastic or just a friendly joke. I also use it to test out if people are having negative thoughts about me through their reaction to my tone of voice. But using this tone can sometimes prove to be dangerous as it can easily lead to a communication breakdown.

There was this one time I used it to Zihui. She said something to me during a Maths lecture which I supposed it to be a playful sarcasm, so it used that tone to retort back, but she didnt take it well and continued the banter which didnt go well with me although we werent exactly in a badmouthing stage. Luckily, we managed to use clear up the mess of that communication breakdown by the end of that lecture without much damage to our friendship.

I didnt learn from my mistake and still like to often use that tone of voice to test grounds or when Im pissed but dont want to offend the other party. But there was another communication breakdown again with another person. This time it was because I was unsure if my friend’s remark was supposed to be sarcastic or just a friendly joke and I was a bit pissed that those words were said, so I used that tone. It turned out that that tone didnt go down with either of us and I became very very pissed. I dont know if my friend meant those words, but it really pained me. Sometimes people would say things they dont mean, but to the person who hears those words it might have been very painful. Just like I took my friend’s words to heart, my words might also hurt other before. I would like to just let every one of my friends know that Im sorry, if my words ever hurt them in any way.

Maybe, I shouldnt use that tone of voice anymore... But then again, not using that tone of voice would make me feel quite vulnerable... ...

Oh purple rain, please don't cry...

Heard a very old but nice song on tv. Chyi Chin’s Purple Rain, Zi3Yu3, its some old tv serials ending song. I remember Id used to like that song, but when was it, I cant remember. Possibly the mid-90s when there was a blossom of nice songs, the golden era of Chinese music when music was about great melodies and meaningful lyrics. Which album was Purple Rain from? Anyone has that CD?

Chyi Chin used to sing rather well, from what I remember of his songs. His songs also remind me of the Wubai kind of music, except that Wubai has a complete band to play music for him. Another thing I remember of Chyi Chin was his romance with Joey Wong. During the decade they were together, there were numerous reports that they had secretly got hitched in America or something similar, but all along, they never got married. Then there would be reports that they broke up and others would say they got back together and so on. Finally, that was it, a report revealing that Chyi Chin had a son borne by an ex-girlfriend. All along, Chyi Chin had this devoted lover image, no matter how badly Joey Wong spoke of him during their “off” periods, he would still say that Joey Wong was the person he truly loves. After that damned report, which Chyi Chin finally acknowledged, there were varying rumours that the couple was going ahead with their marriage plans and that Joey Wong dumped Chyi Chin. Only God really knew what was going on between them. Some time later, Joey Wong publicly admitted that their relationship was officially over. Even so, Chyi Chin still openly pined for the fair maiden.

Did Joey Wong dump Chyi Chin because of his past? Or were there really irreconcilable differences between them? Well, everyday folks like us will probably never know and it will never affect us personally in any way...

Sometimes I wonder, really, how does a relationship end? Especially relationships that lasted for many many years, I mean, after that many years wont you have fully understood and accepted that person? There is also the case of Ekin Cheng, he too ended a decade-old relationship for another person... Why, even after that long a time period, the relationship is still so fragile? In Japan, statistically, middle-aged people who have been married for over 20 years have registered the highest number of divorces. Why?!

My Chinese Birthday

Today the 6th day of the first lunar month is my Chinese birthday. Well, according to Chinese belief, I should have eaten longevity noodles with an egg for lunch just now, but instead, as nobody had remembered my Chinese birthday, I ate fish fillet and sausage omelette for lunch. I even had to cook the omelette myself! What a pathetic way to have lunch on a birthday...

Then again, who actually celebrates their Chinese birthday? I mean, like how many people even know when is their Chinese birthday? Or their Eight Characters? Ancient Chinese have a belief that everything on earth is predestined when one is born, so, our Eight Characters actually holds the key to our whole meaning of existence on earth. Our Eight Characters includes the year of our birth, the month, the day, and the time, each denotation consists of two characters, hence its name, the Eight Characters.

sian sian sian!!!

over with the dumb SATs liao... dont think i will actually do well, but deep down i do hope i can do well, at the very lest better than my previous score.

i went to acjc, not knowing anyone, not knowing what to do, but luckily i met these two tj students who were very friendly, sunni and nikita, from 0103! thanks! it turned out that there are many tj people around, at least 20% of the people there were from tj, and were wearing school uniform. i can only guess that there were many more in plain clothes. the rest were ac students, but mostly ex-ac students, ya, the whole lot were retaking that dumb test.

from now on, i am very free liao. and i badly want to go out!!! friends, where are you?! can any little body ask poor joan out? shopping?! lunch?! dinner?! anything?! i am damn bored!!!

gongxi gongxi

gong xi fa cai!
wan shi ru yi!

i wore the racial harmony day outfit with the oriental wooden slip-ons to the hyatts grand reunion dinner just now. well, 50% of the guests there wore mandarin or pseudo-mandarin outfits, of which 70% of the female guests wore that and 95% of the kids under 12, so i didnt look out of place in that outfit. took a whole lot of pix, of me and my family and of the glorious food. will be putting them up on my blog asap after i learn how to do it. my father recommended me to do it through frontpage, but well, i will have to see how far my limited computer knowledge can bring me to. till then... ...

for now, its pure word descriptions! heehee... first dish, yusheng, need not say anything about it. second dish, golden suckling pig, with sweet sauce and egg wrap like those for peking duck kind. oh man, cant wait to show the pix... third dish, you people are so so going to envy me, sharks fin soup with fish maw, the soup is the clear soup kind, not the starched kind and the sharks fin is the whole piece kind, not the individual strand kind, wow, you should see it man! well, pix coming out asap... fourth dish, abalone in coconut, its a very tropical looking dish, but fell short of expectations, only one (quite thick though) slice of abalone with sea cucumber, crab meat, dried scallops and white fungus, okay lah, still a top dish, only that i would prefer it if the abalone was whole... there was also oysters with whole mushrooms, fried prawns in wasabi mayo sauce (only a tinge of wasabi taste so it was just perfect!), korean-styled noodles, and of course the dessert buffet!!! i took a whole lot more photos, cant wait to let everyone ee the wonderful chocolate fountain, strawberry cheesecakes, tiramisu, chocolate mousse, mango pudding and a whole range of icecream. not forgetting other desserts such as tangyuan, berry pies and traditional new year snacks... ...

the whole atmosphere there was very festive as the hotel invited acrobats, a magician (a very lousy one though, his tricks were all seen through by my cousins and we ended up dissing the poor magician throughout), a chinese orchestra, and a lion dance troop. each guest was also given a 200g 4 by 7 white/milk chocolate bar as door gift. really, this dinner, priced at approximately $90 per head was like 10 times more worth it than our pathetic prom dinner (though they are of a different kind of atmosphere). interested? next year perhaps can suggest that to your parents/grandparents?

Fallen Angel Cries...

this is it.

the name of this blogskin coincidentally is a wong kar wai movie title. 1996, starring leon lai and takeshi kaneshiro, it is one of two wong kar wai movies without tony leung chiu wai involved. fallen angels, or duo4 luo4 tian1 shi3, is about hong kong prostitutes, and like most other wongs movies, the plot is forgettable. the blogskin was done by someone called wah_biangz, due credit must be given. i dont know if wah_biangz is a guy or girl, only that that person should be 18 this year, and i strongly suspect that wah_biangz is a singaporean. i mean, which other peoples in the world would call themselves wah_biangz man. here, im bowing three times to wah_biangz in gratitude of this wonderful skin which i think really expresses my deep felt sentiments. with a blog titled castle in the clouds, this angel is now degenerated, only able to pine for the clouds... ...

okay, enough of all the introduction. i hereby proclaim myself yet again unemployed! im done with the stint with john little, made many new friends, some others would be jerlin, julius, jin rong, willy... but ive also met some really qigek people, like this dumb sub packer whom i dont know his name, and dont want to know anyway. he was me and sherrys sub packer for 45min on sunday when our packers when for dinner. in the first min, he had already pissed me off with his lack of common sense. i had this customer who bought over $200 worth of items and my counter was overflowing with lots of small items, so i asked the dear dumb packer to help me pack the stuff first since sherrys customer had only bought a single bag which sherry could easily pack it herself, but my dear dumb packer started ranting that since sherrys customer had only one item, he wanted to pack that first. nevermind that, but he continued ranting that i treated him as if he was a thousand-handed guanyin. like come on man, what your problem?!

okay, i didnt mind that, but not long after, i needed some help with the nets machine as it ran out of paper, and i could not fit the paper in, i asked him if he knew how to do it, he tried but couldnt do it, but later muttered under his breath that feeding paper into the nets machine was supposed to be my job and why wasnt i able to do it. i was so shocked when i heard that, so i asked him what did he mean by that, he was like ohh nothing, i was just talking to myself. hey, if you are not happy say it out lah, what do you mean by saying in that manner?! like you are so great meh?

being a cashier, i had to retain my composure and smile to all my customers even though i was boiling inside. but i did almost lose my cool at one point in time when i was almost done with a customer, left with only one item to scan. my dumb packer was like telling me to just press 3. i mean, press what 3?! only one item was left why did i need to press 3? he went over to my keyboard and pressed function 3, repeat line, cos that item was the same with the previous item. he said that that would have been much faster, but really, walking to the key board and pressing that button was slower that me scanning that item. i told him off, he was damn displeased and started ranting under his breath. really, if there werent many customers, he would have been dead meat!

xumin was also pissed off with him when she came by my counter to collect the used plastic shopping bags and asked him if he could compress those bags when he dumped them in her bag. ya, he started ranting again. sherry was also quite unhappy when our place was filled with plastic bags (my legs was literary buried under those plastic bags) and he ranted that our counter was like a rubbish dump. in actual fact, he was supposed to be the one clearing the bags, but he didnt do it. he blamed us. but when we have long queue of customers behind us, we really couldnt do anything about it. thanks a lot im never seeing him ever again!

but luckily, that 45min was the only bad thing that happened to me during my 8 days of work. also, i got the chance to touch and see a $1000 note, purple in colour, with a picture of the government house on it, and a US$100 note, a true greenback...

looking forward: dinner at hyatts tmr night. chocolate fountain, here i come!!! but then again, i recently gained some weight again, my pantes became tighter. damn scared leh... sekali after tmr night i cant wear my new clothes then how arh?! die... i think i better not eat lunch, keep my stomach empty for dinner, so so looking forward to it! poor friends, i promise to give a full account of my meal in great detail asap so you can imagine yourself eating them. till then, you may quench your appetite with my 12 jan's piece! *giggles* *more giggles* *most giggles*

Warehouse Sales at the Expo

my arms and back are so so tired from all the heavy manual work setting up the wares for sales. my legs are tired from all the walking and standing around over long periods of time. my butt aches from all the long periods of time sitting on the cold hard expo ground. the term cashier was in fact a farce as basically i didnt do much cashiering, i did do some, but most of the time is doing odd works and trying out different ways to skive off work while apparently doing work.

the only thing good that came out of this stint was the friends id made. the girls ive befriends on tues and wed, rose, felicia, andrea, jaime, colleen, it was fun hanging out with them thinking of ways to do work when we werent doing anything at all. confused? an example, packing and folding clothes allowed us to have an excuse to sit of the floor, so we took a box of clothes, tagged them, folded them, sorted them in designs and colours, packed them neatly into the box, all at extremely slow speeds, then emptied the box, and packed them all over again. another example, when we were supposed to put up signages, we took the different signs and walked all around the expo hall looking as though we were finding suitable positions to put them up when we were in fact just blindly walking around and chatting. okay, i aint that lazy! it was just that most of the stuff we were supposed to do had been done and there was nothing to do but we cant blatantly just sit around and do nothing so we had to think of these ways to occupy ourselves!

finally, today i got to touch the cash till and serve customers. n i hell screwed them all up man! i broke down on the first customer i served. i was like so damn slow, made a whole lot of mistakes, and had to trouble my poor in-charge siew geok to help me clear up the mess while i had to endure pissed look of that dear customer. i fumbled on my first customer paying by nets too. id just blanked out on how to operate that stupid machine and had to call in siew geok again. luckily this customer was very easy going and he n his friend actually could joke with me being a pathetic greenhorn. well, to redeem myself, my cashiering skills actually improved along with the number of customers id served. yay!

n i did make more friends today. there is fellow cashier sherry whom i slacked around with today after id got ridden of my cashiering duties, my dear packer ser yang from ntu who had to work for his hostel hall, some other slacking merchandise clearer thian boon and his friend who took sherry and i on a slacking expedition around the expo hall, a poor san who had to sort out ladies wear all by himself until sherry, colleen and i went over to skive by apparently helping him, and many more other fellow slacking souls. another redemption was that john little really employed too many temp staff this time.

working at this expo sales really introduced many different kinds of people to me and it let me see how unreasonable some singaporeans can be. there was this old malay woman who wanted to buy a whole lot of crockery and insisted to the cashier that it is cheaper than we thought so when we knew matter of factly that we were correct. that woman insisted on seeing our in-charge, and when told over and over again the correct price, she decided to leave that big box of breakable items with us and continued shopping while thinking if she still wanted those goods. she came back to that same counter again with another box of similar crockery and said she didnt want the previous box when basically both are of the same items with the same price. really damn kanasai one!!!

the most head shaking people are those women who pick up bags and bags of clothes over to a corner then slowly pick and decide which ones do they really want, then just dump the rest of the clothes around. some women are even more impressive. since this john little sale is not equipped with fitting rooms, those women would pick up bags of clothes over to one side and try them on over their clothes, under their clothes, and when picking out clothes for children, they treated the whole expo area as one big fitting room. those poor kids. by the mid day, most kids were visibly bored stiff. one little boy around 2 years was so fed up with his mother that he kept walking away from her to sherry, colleen and me picking up hangers for us. like duh?! but because we were as bored as him, we humoured him. like even more duh?!

if only there were like some shuai ges around, maybe work will be more fun. but basically the guys there are like so so pathetic, not to mention short, like double the patheticness. haiz...

daydreaming of cny eve

the eve of chinese new year, reunion dinner at hyatt.

hahaha... just thinking about it makes me feel so so good! yu sheng. waited one whole year for it and finally i will be eating it like soon. sharks fin soup. still thinking of the one i had at the oriental last september/october when i went for a wedding dinner and now i can have it again. abalone. with all those skylight, new moon, fortune, blah blah adverts on tv, i want mine too. but the one thing that im like so so dying for and which is a speciality of most hyatt dinners is their dessert buffet! i remember one reunion dinner at hyatt, there was this chocolate fountain a la charlie and the chocolate factory... ... aww... *joan floating somewhere in heaven liao*

okay, earth to joan! the present most important thing is to come up with the perfect outfit to wear for the occasion. my mother wants me to wear what i wore for racial harmony day cos its a chinese new year celebration, for those who cant remember what i wore or didnt see me in that outfit, its a light pink sleeveless qipao top with a baby pink ankle length skirt. well, now the only thing im pondering is what shoes to match. should i wear my silver daniel yam heels or a reddish brown wooden craved with patterns slip-ons with silver finish. the daniel yam heels would be classy enough for the event, i mean, its at hyatt! but the wooden slip-ons has an oriental touch to complete the cheena look my mother want me to have for that day. comments?

well, either shoe i put on will still allow me to indulge in my favourites... really, who cares if sharks are facing extinction. really, who cares if you will see two joans after cny. okay, joan cares for the latter, but she will lose the extra joan straight after all the cny dinners.

sian day

want to scale new heights of the art of procrastination? learn a trick or two from the master herself. can you beat this procrastination record? id just sent my prom dress for drycleaning ytd, after one month and five days! then i went back down to tj to pass a book to my junior. seeing the newbies and the poor year 2s, i felt a certain sense of achievement, finally, i need not suffer like them anymore! hahaha...

after that, i could have went straight back home and slack another day with my tv set, but after talking to eunice, hearing her planning to go shopping for black skirts with yingling, i decided to go with them. they were going to the robinsons sale at the expo to get black skirts to wear for their banquet job at some hotel, kudos to them for finally finding a job! well, i didnt get any skirt, but being one who really likes buying things, i got myself a pair of jeans. okay, to redeem myself, the jeans was a necessity because now i can only wear one pair of pants out of all those my mother and i own. in a way, id treat it as a good piece of new as it meant that ive lost weight! yay! my waist is slimmer!

but yingling and eunice couldnt get everything they needed there so we made a trip to tampines. and the inherent shopper inside me got the better of things and i bought a pair of boots there, from everbest. the original price of the boots was $79.90 but the shop was having a 10% storewide discount, and as there was some marks on the shoe(which were cleaned away after some wiping so it wasnt a big deal), the salesgirl gave me another 10% off. but the story didnt just end there, cos the salesgirl in the end charged me $69.90 for the boots, which after the 20% discount costs only about $55. what a steal! i will match my new boots with the esprit outfit my aunt bought for me some weeks ago or with the esprit dress i bought on a 20% discount, or... suddenly, i cant wait for new year, i can get to wear all my nice new clothes...

speaking of nice new clothes, ive got this pair of op boardshorts free from my sisters friend. my sisters friend (a guy) likes this girl and bought a whole lot of gifts for her for her birthday, but as she didnt like him, she only accepted a pencil case from him. faced with the rest of the items, he can only give them away. and inheriting my maxim of no take whit no take(translate it into chinese literarily), my sister brought home the boardshorts, but as it wasnt her size, haha, it became mine!

counting my new clothes, blouse from esprit, miniskirt also from esprit, cotton spag top from 37degrees, boardshorts 37degrees, black dress esprit, boardshorts op, pink polo longsleeved top from ralph lauren polo (a gift from my uncle who bought it cheap from vietnam), tinted jeans bum (the one i got today), a red handbag from bum (a gift from my sister which she got in malaysia where i horibly didnt want to go), studded boots (the one i got today), pink shawl (a christmas present from an aunt), well, i think thats about it. wow, cant wait to wear them! umm, must start experimenting them and see what i should wear on the first day of cny, maybe picking out the outfit for the reunion dinner is more important if i get to go to some hotel or restaurant for dinner this year, and the 7th day dinner, that definitely will be at a hotel or restaurant... ...

bags, shoes, clothes, no one girl can ever have enough of them... a very good tagline used by a shoe shop that i came across in a book for advertising, “theres always a little Imelda in us”. note: Imelda Marcos, owner of over 1150 pairs of branded shoes, wife of Ferdinand Marcos, notoriously corrupt ex-president of Philippines who was toppled over by the people in the late 80s (die, cant seem to remember the exact year when i even used it for my history a levels exam less than 2 months ago, this is very bad!)

dear friends, please come and meet up with me after the cny so that i can parade round in my new clothes. thank you.

Job Job Job and some Resolutions

ive found a job. with john little at the expo for 8 days. its sort of like just the right kind of work for me, near my place, very short tern, working in shits so i wont fall into a routine, but early enough for me to start sleeping well. i wont say the pay is good, but it pays reasonably well for me to want to take up the job offer... hee... they are even paying us for the orientation session and our training session...

this job interview was nothing i expected other than the extremely long queue formed. from the last john little job interview they had and what i heard from people, large numbers of people swarmed the interview area during the time slots, so my friend and i decided to go there super early. still, the was already a lot of people there at the time we reached and had to join the long queue. about 20 min in the queue, my friend and i were segregated out from the queue. it seems that john little was only taking in students waiting for a level results and the jobs were filled on a first-come-first-serve basis. i dont know if i completely agree of their selection of temp workers, but i just feel lucky that ive finally found some work.

john little is offering another 3 weeks to a month stint at their various outlets in mid feb for their sale. i verbally gave my consent. well, the timing is just right, after the expo stint, after the cny and my dumb SATs and with an adequate 2 weeks rest before working again... quite lucky to land this john little stint, opened up other paths of working routes for me without any sort of interviews. now to think of it, other then the robinsons one which i backed out just during the queuing up, i didnt go for another other job interviews and since the john little one didnt have an interview, i dont have any experience of interviews at all! dont know if its good or bad...

and in the meantime, i still have my SATs to worry about... im like so damn pissed lor... ive got to go to a gawddamn faraway place right across the country in acjc to take that stupid test! id better do well for it, or id be like even more pissed than i am now which would be very bad... i wonder where is everyone else taking the test. it had better not be that im the only one taking the test in acjc, that would be like so sad...

anw, at this bright start of the new year, ive set myself some wishes. not resolutions since not all can me achieved by my sheer effort and i dont know if i can actually keep them, its more of wishes, hopefully procrastination doesnt step in and i can fulfil these wishes by the end of the year!
1. earn money
2. learn diving
3. get good a level results
4. get good SAT scores
5. find a boyfriend
6. become prettier
7. finish up everything im doing halfway
8. be a more fanatical fan of faye and wubai
9. perm my hair
10. get my ears pierced

well, that reminds me, when are we going to get our ears pierced?!! and friends, i will start evangelising all of you to fall in love with faye and wubai, so better prepare for it! anyone interested in diving? please let me know, then we can go for lessons together.