Shopping with Jasmine

I went Body Shopping with Jasmine last Sunday, and it became a mini shopping trip. I like hanging out with Jasmine, she's so cool~ In a way, I won't feel that bimbotic when with her as Jasmine never fails to flaunt her bimboness. erm... hehehe~

Put two girls in a shopping trip, one with a camera, and see what havoc we can do.

But Sunday was a bit subdued. We concentrated on getting the necessities from Body Shop, then we headed about for some light shopping. Jasmine wanted this pair of Diesel shoes. I think we are very bad influences for each other. Everytime we go shopping together, our mothers get angry over the stuff we bring home, and the amount we'd spent on them, so I guess it's evident to whether Jasmine bought that pair of Diesel shoes.

I'd say it's money well spent. Good shoes are hard to find, especially shoes that care comfy and don't cut your leg and can allow you to walk a hundred miles in them without giving way. I'd say Birkies are all we need, but then again, not everyone is like me who've gone to Germany and snagged Birkies at half the local retail price.

After getting the shoes, we headed for the toilet.

Remember Parkway? At the place where John Little used to occupy, it's now a dozen new shops and a spanking nice and clean female toilet and baby room. If you notice the sign beside Esprit and Topshop, the toilet sign is only the female toilet sign. At first I thought it was a signage error, then upon entering the corridor, I realised that there was only the female toilet. I guess, the men just don't get it~

The toilet has this huge mirror and a ledge for women to prim themselves.

I leaned on the ledge and waited for dear Jasmine to be done using the toilet. Then we noticed that the toilet was very nice. Jasmine said a little something about taking pictures in the toilet when I suddenly remembered that I did have my camera with me.


"Jasmine, You've managed to camouflaged yourself!" I exclaimed.

Then I turned back and exclaimed, "Hey! I can camouflage myself too, but just my shorts. Jasmine, help me take a picture too,"

And Jasmine took this...

"Eh, where's my head ah, Jasmine?" me asked.
"Oops..." Jasmine replied. "And I'm in the picture too. heehee..."
"Help me take again can?" me asked.
"Sure, no probs," Jasmine replied.

And she took this...

"Erm... You best lor, Jasmine," me said.
"I guess next time your wedding you won't want me as photographer," Jasmine mused.

Then Jasmine looked into the mirror and said, "Hey! Let's take ourselves in the mirror again!"

Oop... Me did a Jasmine.

So, we tried again.

Nice~

That was not the end of our bimbotic theatrics. We went into Kalm's and oohed and ahhed over this jewellery box that looked like a closet, complete with a hanger from the top which can put earrings and necklaces and drawers for little bling blings. And I lifted up the top of the box, a little ballerina stood up and spinned with a soft tinkling sound. "Oh my God!" went the both us us immediately and audibly. And we continued a few more "Oh my Gods!" before we left the store.

Can someone help the both of us? I think we are very bad influences on each other. But I still love shopping with Jasmine. Brokeback Mountain and late night shopping at Cineleisure, girl~

Then we went for dinner at Pastamania. Actually I brought my camera to take picture of my food, but I forgot all about taking pictures when I saw food. Seafood pasta on Sunday. I so love seafood. I just had seafood pizza from Cartel on Friday night and I still had cravings for seafood on Sunday night.


I cleaned off all the clams when I remembered that I was supposed to take pictures of my food.


That's what left when I remembered.
One stubborn clam which I can't seem to manage to open. So wasted... The idea of having one more clam but not being able to eat it sucks. But I tried to console myself that usually bad clams don't open up, so there's a high possibility that that clam is bad since it's shut tightly.

After that Jasmine walked home, I took a bus home. but our escapades did not end there. It started to rain. I got stucked in the bus stop outside my house, while Jasmine got stucked in 7-11's. Maybe it's girl thing, we ended up both separately calling the daddies to come pick us up even though we are not more than a couple of walks away from our house. hehehe~

Jasmine, we should do this more often. Beats stuck at home, or in school, or in anywhere and getting depressed for no reasons or whatsoever.

Beng Hiang

After every series of depression, usually follows a series of camwhore pictures, and yes, this cycles continues with this post and my next, all photo laden posts and a seemingly happy Joan. Maybe this is what is also known as bipolar disorder ba...

Every year the seventh day of the first month, otherwise known as renri, my grandfather would give the extended family a treat, an yusheng dinner treat, and this year is no exception. This year, for a couple of years, we visited Beng Hiang, a Hokkien restaurant some where somewhere. I never know the exact location of it since I never had to go down there myself, always the daddie would fetch us all there. By the way, I've downsized these photos. If you really like any one of these photos and would want a piece of them in their original size, do drop me a mail, even though I can't think of anyone wanting any of these photos... lol~


The signboard.
Apparently it's not complete, it just shows the big words Beng Hiang.


Nothing will be complete without a me in it.
Me sitting at the waiting hall of the restaurant. I like waiting halls, it's a glam place for people to sit and stand and to shut people up from complaining about the long time waiting. But since my family always reserves tables, so we don't really spend much time in that hall. I like those pictures they hang around though... Very cheena~

On to the dinner proper...

Any Chinese meal is incomplete without this.

Chinese tea.

But thanks to an uncle, we also had this on top of the tea.

Red wine.
It might seem weird for some people to have wine with a Chinese meal, but I must say, red wine goes extremely well with one of my favourite dishes, Kong Bak Pau. More on that later...

The food.
I think food is extremely important.

First up is the customary Yusheng.

It is the standard opening dish for any Chinese meal served in the first two weeks of Chinese New Year.

Then is the soup. Usually Chinese like to have Sharks' Fin Soup.

But for the Hokkiens, the Fish Maw Soup is very popular. We had that instead of Sharks' Fin, mainly because my grandfather loves Fish Maw.
I think the Chinese have a knack of thinking up weirdest animal parts and call them delicacies. Sharks' fin is still normal, fish maw is actually fishes' sperm sacs, sounds gross? Try having swallows' saliva in the form of Birds' Nest, or the underside of a frog's jaw as Hashima, or the grit under a tortoise's shell as Guilingao. Sounds gross? But very tasty and very nourishing. I actually like them... hehehe~


The texture of fish maw is actually a little bit like pig's skin. Fake fish maw is usually substituted by pig's skin, but without all the supposed noutritions.


Fried Prawn Dumplings, Hokkien styled.
I don't really taste much prawns in them, mostly pork. I'd go for any kind of Cantonese cuisine prawn dumplings with fresh prawns in them. But what to do? The Fukien province is not an island like Hong Kong which can get like fresh prawns easily and cheap.


Noodles.
I like their noodles, the prawn sauce taste is very strong, and the ingredients are generous. The only thing I don't like, is the taugey...


Sea Cucumber Duck.
I didn't eat this. I never eat this. Actually all the dishes here are our usual dishes, everytime we visit Beng Hiang we'd order these, and I do mean everytime. I don't eat duck other than a bit of roast duck breast, I don't know why either. I don't eat sea cucumber, I don't know why, I don't even eat cucumber, except when they are in sandwiches.

My favourite...

Kong Bak Pau!!!


I ate three of them that night. We had three tables of relatives, my table finished ours, no thanks to me and my dad, and after we finished ours, my dad went to one table to eat another pau and the other table offered their remainder paus to me. Our family really know each other's tastes very well.


Roast Chicken.
Beng Hiang does their chicken really right. I love it especially with lots of sng kam sprinkled on top.


Chicken Breast.
I love chicken breast, or rather, I eat only chicken breast. I like tough meat and I hate bones, so maybe that's why I love chicken breast that much. Most of the old people hate chicken breast, I think they find that their teeth can't chew them so I end up clearing all the chicken breasts from my table, and then the very very good granddaddie passed two more pieces of chicken breast meat over to me because he knew I love chicken breast and I'm a big eater. I feel like a pig. But that's out of his concern for me. I love my granddaddie~

Eating with Beng Hiang, there's always complimentary dessert, but it's always either red bean paste or green bean soup. If we're lucky we might get Almond Longan. Joan eats no beans nor nuts, so she never takes desserts from Beng Hiang, so she doesn't know how does dessert taste like. And she forgot to take the closing picture of the dessert, so that's all folks~

I think I gained like 3kg in that dinner after like half a dozen pieces of chicken breast meat and quarter a dozen pieces of Kong Bak Pau, not to mention the other food I ate. But I don't care~

I went for a swim on Sunday. I swam 1.1km, hope the fats I gained are now gone... hope~

Depressed

I'm so hungry now, but I can't bring myself to get anything to eat. I want to lose weight and save money.

I'm so bored now. I've been in the library for two hours and time is passing by very slowly. Before I was in the library for two hours I had already been in the library for two hours, one hour sleeping and another hour reading football reports.

I'm so disappointed with Chelsea. After three draws I don't know what more to expect from them. Anything less than a win from Pool with be rubbish. I thought with Drogba off playing in some African Cup, this would be a good chance for Crespo to shake his leg a bit and score a couple of goals, but Crespo has failed me.

I'm so muddled up now. I've made some wrong moves and now feeling bad about everything. Can I turn time back please?

I'm so screwed with my time. I've got bad time planning and now I realise that I've got no time to do anything I really want to do. And please don't make me feel worse by telling me it's my entire fault. I need sympathy and not more criticisms.

I'm so in a bad mood now. I didn't eat medicine today. Today is my lunar birthday. No one remembered. Sucks...

I'm thinking about the past. One year ago, on my lunar birthday. One year later, everything is different. Don't you understand, I more than anything want to have that little little celebration? You never understand.

Suddenly all the past evens are coming back to me like yesterday. I remember in the follow up to my lunar birthday last year I shamelessly posted large notices wanting someone to bring me out for dinner. This year, older and terribly jaded from my mistake made one year ago, I forgot about this day coming. I don't like having my past return to haunt, but as time draws near, the past returns and I can only spend nights in tears all by myself.

I need help. Someone please help me.

There are so many things I want to do. I want to:
1. Go Sentosa.
2. Go River Ang Pau.
3. Watch Huo Yuanjia.
4. Watch Proof.
5. Watch Brokeback Mountain.
6. Go shopping.
7. Eat.

But I either have no time or company. Wait, I think I've no time and company. damn... Wo bist du? Wo wo wo??? I'm feeling so lost now. I can't believe how I can again and again lose all my friends just with like a word or two wrongly said.

And I now only have a couple of days to decide if I should buy the Body Shop full brush set. If I buy it now, I can have 20% discount and using my $25 product rebate save a smacking $57. But I have no immediate usage of this, so should I? But if I miss this opportunity I don't know when would be the next time I'd be able to get this much a discount. But but but... Brain not working!!!

Today is seriously a very bad day. With nothing to do, or should I say nothing I want to do, I'm literally going crazy in front of my computer. I want to watch Proof. I always believe that real geniuses are all mad. My two idols Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf are all mad. I think I'd be mad if I'm a genius. wahahaha~~~ What brilliance do I have? Maybe a vivid imagination? Is that enough to deem me mad?

I think I've lost all interest in life. I no longer hang out at the bar, because I feel so jaded. Even Mr Depressed can give me a site where he hangs out and I've no interest in that. I have no interest in everything. I live my life of procrastinating then I end up feeling bored with nothing to do nothing I can do nothing I want to do. It's a vicious cycle.

I need some motivation in my life.

I don't want to live a life with no motivation and nothing to live for, but I can't bring myself to actually like whatever I'm doing now. I used to live for drama, but I'm so jaded by it. It isn't the kind I want to do nor like to do, yet I don't know what's the kind I like.

I wish I was at home now. I have a huge craving for Cartel's Seafood Pizza. I just suddenly jio-ed someone out for Cartel. Sucks that I just realised that there's no rehearsals tonight. And the horrendous thing, I didn't hear it from the director himself, but from someone somewhere else, so had I not heard about that news I'd have stupidly turned up for a no one around rehearsal.

Where are you when I need you most?

I was doing some simple calculations regarding my family finances. I'm really hoping that I can be an Eric Khoo. Eric Khoo has a grandfather who has the ability to provide him with the finances to do what he want. I know I'm no Eric Khoo, but I was just calculating if I could come a little bit close to him. I know my grandfather has a couple of properties somewhere, but the exact number is very sketchy, neither do I know who will inherit them. My father is the only son, but my father is supporting himself well, unlike some branches in the family. In fact, my immediate family, my dad and his sisters are all doing quite well, so there's a probability that the eggs will go into another basket.

I don't need a lot actually. I believe that I've more talent than Eric Khoo. With the little bit of finance that I have I'll make it up with all my talent and one day I'll produce a series of short films based from my short stories, and a series of film joan noir that will depress the whole world... yay~

My ultimate motive shall be to turn the world into a Prozac Nation!!!

hahahaha~~~ Suddenly I feel a bit of life coming back into me, a bit of motivation, a bit of direction. But I also need the finances. Can someone help me?

PS: This was written much earlier than the time stated here but Blogger was down this afternoon and luckily I've saved my post on MS Word for posting now.

Stalkers and Hoppers

I've typed a long parchment of words before I selected all and backspaced everything. Self censorship I guess.

Why?

There was a question posed to me which I dont want to answer. A positive reply would seem too protruding while a negative answer would seem brutal. I'm too shy to tell the truth yet if I told a lie I would be hurt. Stuck in limbo, I shall write in circles and try to hint a bit or as some people might label this as, mindfuck a bit.

The answer is in you, and I should say I hold no answer to anything. (sounds like a bit too zen, but who cares sia... sounds nice can liao)

I think I'm indeed a masochist. I know I won't be answering the question but I focefully asked for the question to be asked when the said party had not wanted to ask what was to be asked. But at least I can get to confirm something, that the message is getting through, at least a bit of it.

I trust my intuition, and a bit of fate. Why can't you trust yours too?

A Prozac Nation

Random Ramblings

天龙八部.

I finished watching 40 episodes of 天龙八部 this Chinese New Year. Okay, I missed out 6 episodes with 3 episodes missing due to my windows media player crashing on me for a particular dvd and another 3 missing due to a missing dvd. Luckily, I still managed to understand the story thanks to me having read that book a couple of years ago.

My sister still don't understand how I can manage to read all those Chinese martial arts novels. Actually I don't understand how I can do that too. Give me a piece of paper filled with Chinese words like my script, I'd take ages to read it, but I can finish those martial arts novels within the least possible time. I can even read as fast in Chinese as I read English. The rate I read martial arts novels is about the same rate as I read those Harry Potter books, or Donna Leons, or whatever books I read that are similarly engaging. I can read manga faster though, with majority being pictures.

Money.

Yesterday I won $10.20 playing mahjong with the last $6 coming from the last round in which I got an am gong then immediately zi mo.

I was checking my accounts for the next half month. I get my allowance every middle of the month, so I do a check every week to make sure I need not go on a diet the following week. Everytime my accounts to not balance I'm forced to go on a diet. But this month I was on a diet so my accounts worked out pretty well for me. I really need to watch my expenditures to make sure I can shop lots when in Europe.

Diet.

I'm supposedly on a diet, but from the last entry I'm sure it's clear that my diet isn't working very well and I'm now expanding along my waist. My tummy is growing bigger.

The funny thing? I'm not eating a lot. And this is worrying. I don't eat much outside. I eat more at home, but that also means I'm snacking, and with the Chinese New Year goodies around everywhere, everything is so tempting.

I guess I should change the dress code for my birthday party. If it isn't going to be "as little as possible", then what can it be? I can't possibly say red or pink or the guys will boycott the party. And being held in the beach, I cannot think of things like formal or smart casual or even stuff like in your best wear. Can someone think of something interesting for me?

Boys.

I think I'm a big masochist.

I was looking back at some of the past guys I've flitted around with. Yes, I do mean flit, no typo in that. The better the guys treat me, the worse I treated them. Or maybe I should say, in the beginning most guys will treat me very well and I'd treat them badly, the the tables would turn and when I start treating them well, they'd treat me bad. And the worse they treat me then better I'd treat them. Likewise, the better they treat me the worse I treat them. Honestly, can I say I'm not being a masochist?

Two incidents which happened recently.

This guy used to treat me well, but I thought he was just flitting around, just as how I was flitting, so I did not take much notice. But when I finally did take notice of him, the attention he lavished on me ceased. I mirror that to the other guys I have been with. Can I say the cycle continues?

To prevent myself from allowing history to repeat itself, I've decided to take the opposite of what I would do. Instead of me piling the attention of people, I've decided that me shall not be bothered with whatever that's happening.

Then the other day this other guy came over to meet me somewhere in school. Instead of me entertaining him like what I did the last time I met him, I totally ignored him. I don't want to send out wrong signals, but I always end up sending them. Making them think that I might like them, while on the other hand, making them think that they've got no chance. hai... Don't know what's wrong with me...

Jealousy.

I think I'm a green eyed monster. I was saying about the first guy just now. I know the reason for that ceasure in attention lavished, and I'm bloody jealous of that. But that, I know I've only myself to blame.

Maybe it's fate. Fate has it that he thought I might be a nice girl, but also fate has it that I'm not a nice girl, but fate has it that I'm an interesting and conversant girl, but fate also has it that I have something that he doesn't want, but fate has it that I got so used to his attention, but fate also has it that he has now turned his attention to some other girl he thinks might be more suitable than him. What else can I do?

I typed another paragraph of something about jealousy, but I've backspaced everything until here. I don't know if I should say that anot. Damn... Suddenly feeling so vulnerable. I've no idea who might or might not be reading all these I'm typing.

Prozac.

I hate fratenatising with relatives, and sometimes I can be a brat in front of my relatives. So, before Chinese New Year, my mum pulled me and my sister aside for a lecture. She wanted us to make sure that we both don't make her lose face in front of relatives.

She wanted us to put on a smile. To that I say, it isn't about our mood, but whether we've taken or not our prozac. I think I can now get away with almost everything...

Ironically, during Chinese New Year,I've changed my MSN nick to "why does coke works better for me than prozac?" I've been downing lots of coke lately, and it really does wonders to me. Haven't made my mother lose face in front of anybody.

My MSN picture.

One guy said I look like a Shanghainese in this...

Do you think it's a compliment or an insult?
He said it was a compliment...

Some other guys have complained that my skirt is too short.
Do you think so?

My set of flickr photos.

Because I put up the above picture, I went back to review my flickr photos from my third account. Suddenly, it has received lots of hits due to my camwhore-ness. And the picture of those which received the highest hits, other than the one of my Rolex are those which I've been exposing lots of legs.

I know I have nice legs, and I'm proud of my legs, but it does feel a bit weird, like suddenly having like tens of eyes staring at your legs and scrutinising them.

Hmm... I've also noticed something else... My nails got loads of hits too... So I guess my nails are really nice~ wahahaha~ I rather have tens of eyes on my nails than on my legs. Wait... I take that back. I don't mind the attention lavished on my legs since they're not that bad, I rather have people staring at them than me having ugly and short and fat legs and nobody even noticing their presence. yea... hehehe...

High hits also on my bikini shots. Think that's normal. But surprisingly, I've also have high hits on my bruised legs. hmm... Both times from http://jal4eva.blogspot.com/2005/11/week-of-sick-and-pain.html and http://jal4eva.blogspot.com/2005/12/blog-post.html, both showing big pictures of bruised body parts.

Other stuff.

Nothing else already. Think I'm going to sleep soon.

Things to do tomorrow:
1. Do German homework
2. Go library to return books
3. Buy student concession
4. Go for German class
5. Watch my daily dosage of Joe Mah
6. Sleep somemore

Things to buy from Body Shop: (Maybe going down on I dunno when)
1. Facial Wash
2. Foundation
3. Facial Wipes
4. Sponge
5. Face Lily
And talking about Body Shop, I previously bought a concealler from Body Shop then lost it for several weeks and when I needed it I couldn't find it, I panicked and bought another one, but still have yet used the new one, then I found the first one I bought, so now I've two conceallers and I have a bit of my current one left, shouldn't have bought that in a hurry.

Thursday.

I've tuition on Thursday, but I've received a late notification that I've a tech meeting on Thursday. I hate late notifications. I guess, I'll have to miss the tech meeting again for my tuition, but I'm so lazy to reply. And I'm angry for the late notification esp on a time I can't make it.

And I've make up German tutorial on that day. Wonder when is my next doctor appointment, hope it's not on that day too.

Weekend.

I want to go Sentosa see the flowers. Anybody care to jio me? Actually, from above, I had wanted to jio guy one to go one, thought he might like that sort of thing, but I guess fate also had it that things change so soon that I hadn't anticipated such in this short a time. hai...

Should I jio someone else? Maybe a couple of friends might lighten things up better... Bah... Feeling so depressed now. Shouldn't have named this entry Prozac Nation. But I thought this sounds pretty cute, I think it's a book about depression. Check out amazon if you want ba...

Good night.

Reunion Dinner

Warning: Total camwhore alert!

I can't believe I can be this camwhore when I actually managed to gain 5kg in one sitting. To people who are going to say I'm not fat, I'll have to say this is not about me being fat, but about me gaining 5kg in one sitting. I managed to gain 5kg just in one dinner. Amazing? There are more amazing stuff I did.

Let's see, what had I eaten?

This year's reunion dinner was at Hyatt's Straits Kitchen (camwhore picture later) which was basically buffet styled, so I ate one popiah before we started dinner proper. Then we had yusheng, I had one serving, but lots of raw fish. Then I hit out the main dished. One portion of rice, one portion of noodles, a little bit of fried oyster, and get ready for this, two portions of chicken breast and one portion of duck breast, and not to mention two dozens of prawns. But this was not all, I had soup, two bowls of mini Buddha Jump Over the Wall. And of course dessert, how can I forget dessert? One large bowl of mango pudding with two scoops of mango sherbet, one large bowl of guilin gao, and some mini oranges. I can conclude, I am a pig.

I think I had the most worthwhile meal out of everybody, greatest value for me, since this is buffet, I just can't help it but know that I must eat more than the value I paid for the buffet. Actually the two bowls of Buddha was able to cover one and a half of the price of the buffet, but well, Joan the big eater.

Here are some pictures of the food I ate...


The yusheng


The mini Buddha Jump Over The Wall


The duck and the chicken... While other people shared their food, I ate everything on that plate myself.


The prawns left when I remembered


The mini oranges... They are so cute that me and my sister stuffed a dozen more of them into her bag and brought them home. They are now like lying in my fridge waiting for me to eat them. I'm such a cheapo...


I love mango

I hadn't taken lots of pictures because I kept forgetting that I wanted to take pictures. yea... The only time Joan can forget to take pictures is when Joan sees food and Joan wants to eat the food, hence Joan can actually forget to take pictures. So if any of you want to stop Joan from taking pictures, just stuff delicacies into her mouth, but note, I mean only delicacies~ lol~ Other food just don't work.

The thing about Hyatt is that it's a 5star hotel, and I needed to dress up for the event. And more importantly, there was many very scenic structures around the hotel for me to exercise my camwhore-ness. I think I can be a model already... hehehe~


First I tried modelling my hands, for my nails and for my watch. The manicure has already been detailed in my previous entry. The watch is a diamond encrusted Rolex watch, so it seems like waiting for me to take pictures of it. hmm... If only the face of the watch is in pink...


I'm very tempted to put them in a bigger size, but I guess I should not be that buay paiseh...












Straits Kitchen~ See, I've done such a good job advertising it, can I have an endorsement job? hmm... I guess at the rate I'm eating, I'd end up bankrupting them if they let me eat for free...



And once again, I've maxed out my flickr account for this month. But this month is worse, I've maxed out all three of my flickr accounts. I seldom have to end up using this flickr account, but this month is really a hectic month for me, so wahaha, more pictures~~~ And one thing I'm proud of is that, all my photos in this entry are not photoshopped!!! Not many people can survive without photoshop, but I think I can~ heehee~~~

I guess I won't be blogging about the Chinese New Year until February, so wait for me till then ba... Even if I blog anything about CNY, there can't be any pictures in my blog. yea... And I guess I'll also be receiving more complains about my blog taking forever to load. I'm so sorry peeps~

Wishing all of my friends, a very Happy Chinese New Year and have a sailing year ahead, every one of my friends~ Gong Xi Fa Cai, and don't forget the hongbao and my birthday pressie... hehehehe~

Temasek Junior College Revisited

I attempted to organise a girls outing back to TJ on Thursday, pathetically, only 3 folks including me turned up. I decided on going back on a Thursday only because it wasn't possible for us to go back on Friday as there was no school on Friday. The principal made this politically correct move of cancelling all classes on Friday for the students to go back to their secondary schools to visit teachers for Chinese New Year. Smart person.

First things first, pictures. I'm not going to talk too much today. I ate too much curry for lunch that I'm losing my voice, and I'm going for buffet later tonight at the Straits Cafe in Hyatt. I'll so grow fat.


With Mr Thompson
One of the greatest History teachers I had, other than Prof Farrell of course... bleahz...


With Miss Lim
I seem to like her more and more the longer I left TJ. hmm... Pretty weird of me huh? lol~

Walking about TJ, I spotted this very very lame wall paper...

See me with the lame sign?
This is the lamest thing I've seen in TJ, on top of other lame stuff of course. TJ academy??? I go hahahaha~

This is another lame thingie... The TJ look... Like what the heck??? There is a TJ look?

Please click to enlarge. Worthwhile to click and read the stuff and have a good laugh.

But of course, going back to TJ, one cannot help it but to take more pictures with the stuff back there...


Some light named wall sculpture.


The steel sculpture made by this blind guy, supposedly very famous one. Think it's named something wings one...

And of course, this pillar of wall paintings done by the art students of TJ themselves. I like the bright colours and of course we couldn't resist taking lots of pictures there...




On a side note, a dumb teacher I've never seen before stopped me and said to me that my shorts is too short. Like wtf? Who is she to criticise my dressing like that. I think she's just jealous I can wear short shorts out and not flinch at my dressing. bah... Those sports shorts are lagi shorter lor, and even more transparent somemore she don't complain about the PE department.

And to end of this photologue, a nice big big big picture of my face...

I think I'm growing fat and my teeth is growing crooked. What a waste of my diet and my dental expenses... bleahz...

Magenta Nails

All along I've decided to visit my manicurist on the Thursday before Chinese New Year. I thought that it was a good time to get a manicure and a pedicure done so that I can have beautiful nails for the Chinese New Year, and Thursday was my free day, I can get lots done on the Thursday.

On Wednesday afternoon or was it Thursday morning, I can't remember, I told my mother I was going to get my nails done. And to my greatest horror, I heard from my mother that my sister had gone to get her nails done, and there was a price hike of 20%. At first I thought that 20% for beautiful nails on Chinese New Year was still okay. I mean, the bak kwa too has got price hikes.

So on Thursday afternoon Joan went to the nail bar and to a greater horror than the price hike, she saw a long queue. I went on Thursday naively thinking that being a weekday there would be less people, but sorry hor, that wasn't the case at all. So I asked the manicurist if there was space for me to do. She gave me two slots, one on that day 6.15pm with a price hike of 60% and another on Saturday morning 9.30am with a price hike of 100%.

Thinking that I wasn't able to make it for the 6.15 slot, I picked the 9.30am one. But after walking for a few minutes, I realised that a price hike of 100% and having to wake up at a godforsaken time was absolutely horrendous. So I went back to the nail bar and crossed my fingers and asked if the 6.15 slot was still available. Luckily it was still available.

As I waited for my turn at 6.15pm, I the queue dragged on. There were still a lot of people waiting for the manicurists. I knew I was going to be late for my later appointment. I started regretting.

But I still went ahead and chose a colour for my nails. I wanted something red for my toes but I didn't want bloody reds. I went through the colours and finally picked one that was red with a dark pick tinge. Ladies Magenta it read as it colour. And that would be my colour.

As I was waiting for my turn, I noticed most other women colouring their nails dark red, I felt bright among them, and slightly regretted. Then I realised that unlike them, I've got what it takes to choose an eye-catchy colour, I might feel old, but the numbers on my IC can determine my youth. So that colour stuck.

I did my toes first. Once the colour went on my toes, all feelings of apprehension vanished. The colour was absolutely beautiful my my toes. Then it went on my fingers. Euphroia overtook me. BINGO!!! This is so my colour. Magenta, the colour of my shawl, the colour of a number of my clothes, including the piece I bought that day, and more accurately, it is my colour.



I've always loved the colour magenta, but this is the first time I'm going to acknowledge that as my favourite colour. All along magenta has this romantic image in me. I remember the days from my history lesson. It was said that the town Magenta was so named because of the blood during the war painted the whole area that shade of red. Sadistically, very lovely. It was also said that it was because of that scene after the war that led to Louis Napoleon pulling out of the military agreement he had with Cavour.

With this, I shall add under the favies section magenta as my favourite colour. Actually, this is also my favourite colour in the Blogger default colours. I might use red for my MSN, but when I use Windows Messenger, it's also this colour I pick. And most people dont know that my default colour for my MSN message window, it's this shade of pink/red that I use. hehehe~

I love my nails~~~

Me Kena Personal Attack

Read this first...
http://gssq.blogspot.com/2006/01/someone-has-suggested-to-me-that-i.html

Then read the comments...

Then tell me, have I been attacked left right centre?!!! wahahaha~~~

The story started one fine night when dear gssq asked me about what x and o represents, naively, innocently, the girl nicked xxoos replied him x=kiss and o=hug. I thought that was it, but he blogged about it. Interested in this topic since I do receive lots of queries about my nick, I naively and innocently posted a comment on his blog. And then the next night my dear friend greeted me with the message left by that ted guy who posted the second comment.

What's wrong with my nick?
http://jal4eva.blogspot.com/2005/08/my-nick-explained.html
This is the story behind my nick, at least the xxoos part still holds. Why must that guy personal attack me until like that?

And worse still...

kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
"I think signing off something like cheers and regards are simply nice ettiqute
imported from the letter writing days. If you think it's inane to to so than you
need not do it.
Of course, i think having a nick like xxoo is more duh."
- die xxoos der joan - says:
bleahz...
- die xxoos der joan - says:
cheers and regards in so formal
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
and xxoos so stupid
- die xxoos der joan - says:
like when u went to sign off from a close friend
- die xxoos der joan - says:
cute mah...
- die xxoos der joan - says:
bleahz~
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
lol
- die xxoos der joan - says:
anw xxoos now become my nick already~
- die xxoos der joan - says:
bleahz~
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
...
- die xxoos der joan - says:
who's that ted guy?
- die xxoos der joan - says:
why he personal attack me?
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
got personal attack meh
- die xxoos der joan - says:
attack my nick leh...
- die xxoos der joan - says:
not personal attack then is what?
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
cos it's dumb
- die xxoos der joan - says:
wei...
- die xxoos der joan - says:
where got dumb?
- die xxoos der joan - says:
kiss kiss hug hug tongue dumb meh?
- die xxoos der joan - says:
next time call ur gf give u slap slap beat beat kick then u know
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
I start a poll lah
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
haha I've no gf
so moot question
- die xxoos der joan - says:
one day u sure will have what
kimberly [9 days to Utrecht] says:
tell your bf xxoos
and telling everyone xxoos
not the same
haha thanks for the vote of support
- die xxoos der joan - says:
i emotive what

What's wrong with xxoos??? At least better than some people who don't even bother giving themselves a nick~ bleahz...

I am so angry! Even my pretty nail polish isn't brightening up my day. I went for a manicure and pedicure this evening despite the ridiculous price hike and got my nails painted a nice shade of magenta, my favourite colour~ I bet that ted guy doesn't even know what shade is magenta.

I'm going to sleep now... Shall vent my anger tomorrow when I have more time. hmm... Should I start a flame war on gssq's blog? wahaha~

Sorry 背影

Sorry -- An Excerpt

She lay in her bed with her eyes half closed. She tossed under her sheets and reached out for ther person who was supposed to be beside her, but all she grasped were more sheets. Her eyes flickered open immediately. The coldness of her bed beside all scared her. She bolted upright, all sense of tiredness was pushed to the back of her head.

He sat at the foot of her bed, buttoning up his shirt. His pants still lay on the floor beside the bedpost. As soon as she saw him, she pounced on to him and grabbed him tightly, wrapping her arms round his chest. She buried her head in his back. He took no more than a second to brush her arms away from him, he pushed her back. She fell back into her bed among her sheets. She looked up and stared at him almost pleadingly.

"Please don't go," she begged as she wrapped her arms round his waist, once again burying her face in his shirt and dampening it in the process.

He broke free from her grip again and pushed her back into her bed. He stood up to wear his pants, leaving her in a mess in her own bed. She stared hard at his back, hoping that she was able to will him to turn his head back to look at her, but she failed. She got up once again and knelt at the foot of her bed wrapping her arms round his neck. She brought her face to the back of his head and smelt the familiar smell of his hair.

"Please don't leave me alone," she whispered into his ear just before he pushed her away for the third time.

She fell head first into her bed and buried her head under the sheets staining them with her tears. She was not able to control those tear from flowing out of her eyes. She stared hard at the guy whom minutes ago told her she was the most beautiful woman on earth. The change was so sudden and shocking that she was unable to comprehend what was going on.

She looked hard at his back. "It's late. Please stay for the night, please I beg you," she pleaded, choking on her own tears. She couldn't help but start sobbing. If there was anything she so wanted at this moment was for him to turn his head back and just look into her eyes. She would melt. However, he did nothing.

He walked away from her bed towards the door. Without turning his head back, he uttered, "I'm sorry."

She stared at his back as he slipped out of her room and shut the door behind him. She stared at the door as it shut itself in front of her. She stared into space hoping that the door would open itself again. She stared at the door hoping to be able to see him walking through that door the next moment. She stared through her tears. Everything became a blur.

Slowly, reality sank in, she turn back to her sheets and the pillow he rested his head on a couple of minutes before. She bend down and buried her face in the pillow drawing a huge breath at the moment. She smelt him, she smelt him right beside her, and then she opened her eyes startled, he was gone. Unable to control herself, the tears streamed out. She cried out loud. She continued piling the sheets over her and burying herself deep into the bed hoping that she might lose herself by doing so.

The sheets turned damp and salty. She turned into a bag of nerves. She couldn't understand, it was a very simple request, and yet he couldn't oblige her. She felt cheapened.

《背影》 -- 短篇一则

她躺在床上，眼睛似乎已关上了。她在被单里翻来覆去，得不到一丝的安宁。她伸出手想抱紧应该躺在她身旁的伙伴，但她触摸得到的却只是一层层的被单。你在哪里？她心里想着，眼睛不由自主地睁开了。冰冷的床吓着了她，她立刻坐直，眼睛察看四方，寻找他的背影。她已不觉得累，不觉得困，她只想看到他。

他就坐在床脚，一粒一粒地扣上他衬衫上的纽扣，他的裤子还仍在床脚边。一看到他，她立刻扑上前紧紧地把双手卷在他的胸前。她把她的头埋在他它的背后，但他却用不到半秒钟的时间把她的头推开，把她推到在床上。她跌入她的被单中，把头往上仰，深深地注视在他的背影里。她的眼睛似乎在恳求着一样东西。

“请你别走。”她求着。她把双手紧紧地套牢在他的腰间，一再地把她的脸埋在他的背里，弄湿了他的衬衫。

他摆脱了她的纠缠，再一次地把她推到在床上。他站了起来，穿上了他的裤子，留她一团糟的曲卷在自己的被单中。她望着他的背影，希望她能够用心理感应来迫他回过身子望向她，但她却徒劳无功。她再一次的爬了起来，跪在她的床脚，把手臂圈住了他的脖子。她把脸带到他的头背，用鼻子深深的吸进一口气，闻着那那么首席的味道。

“请你别离开我。”她轻声地把话传入了他的耳朵，但他第三次地把她推到在床中。

她的头先跌入了床中，她又把头埋进被单中，无法控制她的眼泪，任由眼泪积在被单上。她无法控制眼泪不停地流出眼角。她盯住他的背影，回味几分钟前他还轻声密语的在她耳边说她是这世界上最漂亮的女人。他变了，不到几分钟，他变了。他变地又突然，又不似他自己。她不知道现在的他究竟是谁了。

她望着他的背影。“时候很晚了，你留在此过夜吧。我求求你好吗？答应我吧。”她哽咽地求着。她不得已地开始哭泣了。如果现在她能够许个愿而得到她所要的东西，她会要求他回过身来，让她最后一次望入他的眼睛，看穿他所有的心思。她就要求这么多而已。但他什么反应都没有。

他离开了床边，走到了门口，但依然不肯回过头一下。“对不起。”他最终说出了口，就走过了那一扇门。

她盯着他的背影，她望着他走过的那一扇门，她望入空白。她在空白中希望她可以看到他回过头来进入那一扇门，她要再一次用视线捉住他的背影。但她只看到眼泪。她只看到蒙蒙的一切。

慢慢的，现实似乎步入她的感觉。她把头埋入被单中，她又把脸扑入他刚用过的枕头，深深的吸进一口气。她闻到他的味道。她似乎感觉到他没离开过她，但当她已张开双眼，看不到他的背影，她又不由自主地大声哭了出来。眼泪跟着不停地流啊流。她把被单往身上盖，她想要把自己变得更渺小，再从这世界上消失。

被单变得又湿又咸。她变得无法控制。她不能明白，她只要求了那么一小点的东西，他却办不到。她觉得自己还真够犯贱。

Birthday Party 25 February

I've been billed for my booking of the chalet and barbeque pit for my birthday party at Sentosa's Costa Sands. Yes, the bill came in this early.

So, I'll set a few ground rules here before I even prepare the invitations...
1. dress code: as little as possible
2. presents: necessary, as long as you received the invitation
3. presence: if I invite you, you better show up
4. time: possibly the whole day, and please try to stay over
5. food: please eat more cos I won't be eating
6. cake: Joan eats no cake, so there won't be any
7. haven't decided yet...

I've booked for two nights, so the first night would be my party with friends, all friends will be invited. The second night will be for my relatives, friends please go away. I know it might be weird holding a party with different friends all in the same place, but don't worry, my friends are nice people and the venue being at Sentosa, we can all just play fun fun beach games.

A lot of people have reflected that they aren't very happy with my dress code, so until I think of a better themed dress code, this will remain, and I expect everyone to be in proper beach wear, and do bring a change of clothes cos there might be lots and lots of throwing of people into the big big sea, erm... yea... There's a reason for me wanting a beach party what.

I've long put up a birthday wish list by the side, I know most of them cost quite a bit, but I don't expect any one person to buy those for me, grab a few people to share, I'm fine, just let me know if you are getting anything from the list for me so that I won't receive the same present twice. If you don't have any idea what to get me, can visit my likes and favies column, think it might help, and also note that I'm going to Germany, so maybe you can also get me something for the trip? hahaha... Okay, presents are not really that important, what's more important is the thought. Please give me lots of love.

hmm... Now I've something concrete to do. I'll be needing to draw up my guest list real soon and start making my invitations. This time I guess I'll be needing to more than send emails cos the last time I tried sending out those e-cards, half of my friends didn't receive them. I can't let this happen again. Then I'll have to draw up my food list and all those food preparations. Anybody wants to volunteer to help please approach me, I'll be eternally grateful. And then the most important thing, the guest book!!!

Suddenly feel very excited.

Hope you'll be there...

Emo Thu

I woke up this afternoon at 1.30pm to a huge headache. From my bed, the angle of which my pillow is situated directs me to my parents' bedroom window. I don't know when did I start, but everytime when I wake up to that window being shut, I'd bolt up awake immediately. This afternoon I bolt up awake immediately.

I walked about the house hoping to find pieces of notes from my mother noting where she had gone or what food there was which I could eat, but there was neither. I didn't bother calling my mum anyway, I think somwhere along the way, I've developed a proud and pseudo-independent nature. Instead, I opened my computer and hanged out online. I didn't want to chat, I turned away those people who tried to chat with me.

Rather, I stayed online and read this the whole day, and even more pathetic, I played this and completed all 229 questions and scored 204 of them correct. I think I've reached the nadir of boredom. Then after that I continued reading The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde, it's just starting to get a little bit more interesting than I thought.

I don't know why I am feeling so emo today, I think it's the combination of the lack of sleep, outright procrastination and a myraid of other feelings regarding my impending trip to Germany. I came back from Germany the last time with something I didn't want and lost a lot of things I wanted. I'm really apprehensive about this trip this time. I'm really afraid of losing more than I want to or gaining things I don't want.

If not for the 10pm chU show every day, I don't think I even have anything which I can look forward to. Someone asked me why I am so attracted to that show, I don't know. Maybe it's not that show which I'm attracted to but the thought of there's something I can look forward to every day is very soothing. It's been a long time since I am so addicted to something, usually I'm like so nua with everything. There's nothing in my life which can light me up.

I see history repeating itself over and over again. Like an analogy I had with a friend of mine. I'm thrown into the big big sea with nothing to help me survive, then I see a log, I grab onto the log and grab it so tightly thinking that that is the key to my survival. I once had this log whom I rely heavily upon for my emotional outpour, but after sometime, I think he realised what I was using him for and we drifted apart. He thought it was for the better of me to learn how to swim on my own, but he didn't realise that after him I can just look for another log. Right now I've another log and I'm doing exactly the same things to my new log as I did to my old one. It's not a good thing, but I'm too deep into it already.

Last night I was seriously considering my actions, whether it was right for me to do somethings. Right or wrong it not determined by one person alone, but if everybody thinks I'm doing wrong, then I must have not been doing things right. Maybe I shouldn't take things so far, once in a while I should just lie back and look at what I've done and assess if I'm doing what I should be doing.

To my log, I wish to say, I'm sorry. Give me more time for me to adjust, I'm really trying to be a better person.

hai... Feeling so emo again. I hate it!!! I need a ship to save me.

Maybe later I can do my readings, or go back to reading Jasper Fforde, or start trying to comprehend the Memoirs, I really need to brush up on my German. Maybe I should be starting on my German homework, and my Chinese drama stuff, or help out with Cindy on her script for the Theatrefest, she isn't heading anywhere at the present moment. My procrastinating habits just set in like that. I think I need more discipline, can someone discipline me on my behalf? At this rate, I'll never get anywhere.

I've just finished watching the complete set of VCDs for 宝莲灯, I think that's making me more emo also. I think I'm starting to ramble.

My mum just gave me a bowl of double-boiled soup. The headache's a bit better, but I still feel damn emo, I don't even know what I'm doing what I'm writing, and for once in MSN I'm writing lesser than the other person. I usually write like as though I'm rambling but I just can't seem to be able to crap today. I don't know what will be this weekend, and Chinese New year is right around the corner.

I'm supposed to be organising a back to TJ outing for the girls, right now there's me, Jasmine, and Rozie having free days, Hamidah, Jiadai and Zihui end at about noon, Shuhui, Yingling and Eunice end at about 4, so should I go ahead with it?

So many things in my puny brain and worse of all, I can't shake some people out of my head. I think of them like day in day out, and worse still I don't even have a chance to tell them that. What the heck la...

Of Donuts

I seldom put up quizes that I've done, only just about once in a while. I only put up things I agree with and possibly want people to know, if not I'd just hide that up. This is one which I've done and well, I think is very true about me.

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image. On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex. You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time. Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

Sweetheart on the outside, innocent image, totally correct. I'm nice on the outside, most of the time forgetting to bring my brain out and can be so totally blur and bimbotic. But on the inside, a little darker, richer, and more complex, totally correct. Sometimes I even scare myself about what I'm thinking, because I really don't know what I'm thinking. I'm dark, and rich and complex from all those I've been through in life.

A hedonist, or rather a decadent and daring hedonist seeking pleasure and indulgence, that's me. Maybe I'm going to scare of some people when I say this, but I'm really just one screwed up little girl living a decadent life. 糜烂~ I'm just like that...

Seriously, I'm not saying this to scare people away, rather, I think I need help. I want to get out of this sort of lifestyle, and maybe be a simpler person in general. There's still beauty in simplicity, maybe just not founded by me yet, maybe I need someone to guide me to find what I'm looking for. maybe one day I might manage to find it, maybe never will there be a day, but I still harbour hope.

Finally!!!

I received this in my NUS mail today...

Dear Joan,

Your admission letter has been received and you may go to the student service centre at Yusof Ishak House to collect the letter after 2pm today.

Yours Sincerely, Calyn Ong Registrar's Office, NUS
Telephone: ᄍ 6874-1476 ᄍ 6776-3980 Website: http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/ Address: University Hall, Lee Kong Chian Wing,#UHL-04-01 21 Lower Kent Ridge Road, Singapore 119077
This email is confidential and may be privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it and notify us immediately; you should not copy or use it for any purpose, nor disclose its contents to any other person. Thank you.

FINALLY!!!
After months of waiting, after anxious nights, after periods of complains, after after after... ... I'm finally going to leave on a jetplane~ I want to take a direct flight, maybe the Lufthansa since SIA has a bad track record of it's discrimination against locals. I can hardly wait~ I can toss that pile of $25 worth of notes and readings I've printed two days ago, I can forget about everything in Singapore, I can forget~~~ wahahaha...

hmm... I'd wanted to upload some georgeous photos of Frieburg, but something's wrong with Flickr. damn... I can't wait for later. I shall go to school earlier then go collect that then go for my first German class~ Heute ist ein gute Tag!

The Big Lie

With regards to the huge commotion in the Blogosphere recently, I guess I can only say the following. Disclaimer: I stand on no one side of the two sides. I stand on my side. I'm also not a popcorn eater, I just want to act smart by saying all these.

When caught in a lie, there are usually three ways to go about doing things.

1. Come clean, apologise, and hope people will forget it sooner or later. Of course, one would lose credibility after it, but of course, there would also be respect appropriated.

2. Ignore the whole issue, pray, and hope things die down sooner or later. People have short attention span, so things will die down, sooner or later, but of course, that would mean that there would not only be a loss of credibility but also a subsequent loss of respect but people both on your side and against you.

3. The Chinese would call it beat die and not confess. It means that until death, one would not confess and argue that it wasn't a lie at all but the other party accusing you of lying. People who stand by your side will believe you, people who don't will hate you. It's like things remaining in its status quo just that it's more polarised.

In a circumstance of where evidence is clear that the lie is exposed, I would suggest that the first method be used. Like the Chinese would say, a big husband dare to do dare to admit. After all no man is faliable.

However, in a circumstance where evidence is not very clear and there can be room for manoevre, the third method might actually be more useful. I'm not encouranging lying per se, after all, one lie leads to another lie. But in a tried and tested method, lying straight through the teeth can indeed put things right. This is called The Big Lie in history, formulated and perfected by Nazi Propaganda Minister Dr Josef Goebbels.

More details of Dr Josef Goebbels and The Big Lie can be found in these two Wikipedia links.

If you are too lazy to click on the links and read about such serious political terms, I shall explain The Big Lie as simply as I can put it. It is saying a lie repeatedly that people always hear it and sooner or later after being so accustomed to it take it for real, and to them the lie has become a fact in the eyes of the masses. Dr Josef Goebbels did this to perfection and successfully manipulated the German people by his propaganda campaigns.

Of course, some people want evidence, so everything depends on how much evidence one can have on their side, but evidence cannot dissuade a person unless manipulated into a propaganda material. In fact, I seriously believe that a well presented evidence can make the most effective type of propaganda. I imagine if Dr Josef Goebbels has that type of propaganda on his hands and how much damage he can make with it.

I'm a big fan of propaganda materials, as in I like examining them and evaluating their successes and failures. Everything more or less can be political. Media is a very effective means of propaganda, but how does one manipulate media to their advantage? And another thing to consider is the reach of their media, it is directly proportional to its effectiveness.

And in politics, political allies are also very important factors. A good political ally can help one to garner support from a larger group of people while a weaker ally can quash one's successes. One reason why Hitler was able to make it to where he was on the eve of 1943 was his party members. He had people like Goebbels who was not only fiercely loyal but also one who had the power of communication in his hands. Goebbels did not start out as Hitler's ally early in the party's history, but Hitler won over him. He won fully over him.

Of course, some marriages of convenience might also be very convenient, but later it might still disintegrate. This can be seen as a reverse order of the Seven Warring States and the Spring Autumn Warring States. Although on paper it might sounds as though it is the Qin state vs the rest, but actually there are seven parties fighting all against each other in the wars and no two of them are actually close allies.

All I can say about most people are that they are actually ignorant creatures and do not learn from the experiences of the sages. Think, Sun Zi Bing Fa isn't popular for no reason. Why do people study Napoleon even until today. And Bismarck's Realpolitik vs Kaiser Wilhelm's Weltpolitik. I'm glad to be a history student with a good grasp of Political Science and with a wide reading interest.

Suddenly I feel like going to an office to work... hahahaha~ No way though...

PS: I actually didn't want to put the first paragraph in, no point linking everything I say back to one incident, but I'm afraid. I suddenly thought of something else and I don't want people to misunderstand me otherwise. Please after reading this just forget about the first paragraph. Treat this entry like an entry I've written for my own pleasure. hai...

Postdated Entry

I've a postdated entry here which was written halfway then saved as draft and continued and saved as draft and then continued again.

And I'm getting very forgetful lately, and restless. hai...

Random Thoughts

1. Angel and Devil
I am a Pisces, two fishes swimming in opposite directions. Like my star sign, I'm the kind of conflicted person who holds long debates with myself regarding a decision. Like the angel and devil, the angel in you telling you to do one thing and the devil in you telling you to do the other thing. In most cases of men, the devil wins as in all of us there is at least some evil. Last night I held another decision making debate, only that I had someone to pose for me as the angel. I played devil.

The angel basically told me what I'd have said myself had I played angel and devil myself. I didn't want to play it myself because I thought I wouldn't do a good job out of it, and it was too tiring to play two different characters at that time of the night. I must say, the angel did a very good job out of persuading me. I hope the decision I'll make in the next two hours will do me good.

2. Manchester United drew with Blackburn
I have this friend whom sometimes we'd make this pact, especially on nights with football and he's watching it and I want to sleep early. He's say he'd message me after the match if it was a certain result, but after a couple of time, he still have yet managed to message me. He's been struck with the SMS curse. Last night he was again unable to break the curse.

He said he wanted to break the curse, and he would message me when Man Utd won Blackburn. I woke up today to see no unread messages. I went online to check, they drew. hahaha~ The curse remains. I refer back to some other matches, the Man Utd vs Arsenal one too, the few other Man Utd matches which Man Utd drew or lost. And once he said he's message me when Chelsea drew a match against some other team, but he did not get to message me as Chelsea scored a late winner.

I think next time if I want Man Utd to lose, I shall make this pact with that said friend and keep the curse running. hahaha~ I am evil!

3. A Message on Someone's Tagboard
1:04am 12/1/06
Hi girl, I really think I donno u at all.. I believe all roles r equally impt.. n it's really ok tt u quit..
1:07am 12/1/06
But i really think tt u sld seriously reflect on how u treat the others. U will nv earn ppl's respect if u donno how to respect ppl..
1:08am 12/1/06
n i don think u respect drama either.. I seriously think u owe the director a sincere apology.. u r not tt great either to criticize others..

My thoughts? First that person said she don't know her at all, yet she went ahead and critised her, not only that she still preached her on what to do. All these when she did not know her at all! I think that is utter nonsense. I mean, it's okay if you believe in some things and you'd want to share your belief with others, but can you do that when you already said that you don't know that person?

Another thing that got me enraged is how ignorant some people can be. Apparently from the postings of her message, she only wanted to say the morally correct stuff and berate the subject in question, but what she did not realise was that by saying all those she is just exposing herself her ignorance. You weren't there for yourself to see what happen, how can you make assumptions, especially when you say you don't know her at all. I'm not saying I know everything, I know I don't, but at least I didn't make assumptions.

When the affair broke out, I did use a lot of moral judgments by saying all the "you should" and "you should not", but I used them more on stuff like "you really should sit down and think about it" or "you should not have done that, but since it has already been done, do something else", I don't think anyone can give anyone a moral judgement order on "you should apologise" especially when you are not part of the affair and you have absolutely no idea the intricate happenings between them. I don't know either, so I'm not saying anything. And I know I definitely know more than you, you why do you have the right to say more than me? It just doesn't tally.

Maybe that girl just wants to patch everything up, but personally I don't think that should be the way to do things. There is not right and wrong in everything. Some people might think one is wrong but others think he is right, some people might think one is right while other think he is wrong, it's the same thing in this affair, there is not one party who is right or wrong, so who should make the apology? I don't think anyone should make it. Yes, the one who most wants to mend relations up will be the one apologising, but that is not part of a moral judgement.

People try hard to be so good, but they don't realise the more they try the more unable they are to be good.

4. Rain
I hate the rain.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas
115min, I watched it at Orchard Cineleisure, exclusive showcase.
in French, German and Scottish-accented English

The title might be misleading. I thought beforehand when I read the description of the film that the film should not be named as such because it's just too misleading, but after watching the film, I cannot think of a more appropriate or a more poignant title than Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

The film opens with three small boys saying aloud the indoctrinations of their nation in their national language of French, English and German. The French of the possession of Alsace, the Scot of the will of God and the Germans being all evil, the German of the might of the Kaiser and their duty to the Fatherland. I shivered when I saw that. Those were boys, young boys, yet they were so fed with propaganda and indoctrination that they have lost the sense to think for themselves.

Then it pans out to the vast European lands, and into the trenches. With my knowledge of the Great War and everything to do with trench warfare, this film touched my heart more than others, who have no knowledge of what it was like under those circumstances. During the shelling of the trenches, I can actually feel all the vibration in the cinema. We got Hall 6 in Cineleisure. Fans of art house film would be very familar with Hall 6, it's the tiny tiny hall which can seat like 60-80 people only (I've counted before) and behind that stairwell. So, given the tiny hall, all the vibrations were felt on full force and it was just as if we were at the forefront of the battle.

This front of the war was fought between the Germans and the two allied people of Scotland and France. The Germans and the French all along have been against each other in almost every major European War fought between them, yet it was refreshing to have the Scots rather than the English in this front as I'd say the Scots have been underrated in this Great War, and actually, also other European wars. The only problem of the Scots was their accent, which I luckily did not find it too annoying. One thing good about watching films in Singapore, and being able to understand English, Chinese and 50% of the German used in the film, I was able to read the English and Chinese subtitles and differentiate the nationalities and the languages used by the different soldiers. Jasmine had some problems differentiating the German and the French. For me, those I understood 100% was English, 50% German, 0% French. Maybe it was due to my knowledge of the languages, I really felt I could understand and appreciate the scenes of which the soldiers used a smattering of languages to try communicating with each other.

Due to the equal weightage appropriated to the three nationalities, there was a large cast, with leads in all three nations and each with a side story.

The German side story was about an oprea singer and his wife, also an oprea singer. Because of the war, they were forced to part, and by chance they managed to meet up on Christmas eve and using their voices, they spread the warmth of Christmas eve not only to their own solders but also to the soldiers sharing the border.

The French story concentrated on the conflicts between the Lietunant and his Major and about another soldier whose mother stayed near the Lietunant's father-in-law. It was until later in almost the last part where we realise ***spoilers*** that the Major was the father of the Lietunant. Before the Lietunant went to war, he left his heavily pregnant wife in the care of her parents. During the war, there was a cease of letters from the warfront and the Lietunant was unable to find out the whereabouts of his wife. He met this soldier who on one occasion disclosed to the Lietunant that actually his home village was about an hour's walk about from the battlefront. His village happened to be the same village as the Lietnuant's father-in-law. ***spoilers end***

The Scottish story centred on a priest and two brothers. The priest and his struggle with the teachings of God. Who are the sons of God? Was it only the Entente Powers? Or did it include the evil Germans? The story of the brothers happened in a battle when one brother was shot. He told his brother to run ahead so at least one of them could survive. The surviving brother was filled with guilt over leaving his then still alive brother behind.

These stories were pieced together in a seamless fashion and brought together in the final tale of the Merry Christmas. The three groups of soldiers negotiated a ceasefire among themselves and buried the dead as they exchanged Christmas songs, had a mass and played football and cards and just had a merry Christmas. Those were not soldiers on the battlefield, they were men, who had families back at home. They were not fighting for themselves, they were fighting for the "fat blokes back in the HQ smoking cigar".

I always thought war was something that men had to fight in it with all their heart. I remembered in my European Nationalisms class, I scorned at this girl who said "I don't believe in war", but it is only when we face death in our face that we can truly realise that we are not soldiers, we are but faliable men. There was nothing different among the soldiers though they were wearing different hats, they had a family back at home and they missed them.

In the scenes of which the different soldiers came together, their topic always went back to their family. Soldiers would trade showing each other photos of their wives. Their family background and the circumstances that they were driven to war were very similar, leading them to befriend each other, to want to build up a friendship for when the war ends.

Maybe it's also my knowledge of the Great War that made this Merry Christmas more poignant. Before the war started, the general opinion of the war was that it'll be over by Christmas. But apparently, it's Christmas, and the war's not over yet. They really did want the war to end.

The thing about the three different groups of soldiers were that they lived very near each other, separated only by a thin stretch of no man's land. The Scots started their Christmas eve celebrations first, by playing the bagpipes and singing. These sounds could be heard by the Germans and the French. The French were suspicious and sent out a spy to check out the Scots and the Germans, the Germans on the other hand on hearing the singing, sang too. The oprea singer, sang for his people, and was heard by the Scots too. Later, the Scots played on their bagpipes Silent Night, which the oprea singer sang to it, in his native tongue.

[Note: I had written a lot after this, but stupid Blogger ate everything up, luckily I'd until this part saved.]

The French were sort of the comedians in this war, actually from history, we all know that the French have always been comedians in war. There's this joke, France never had any great militarians, except for Napoleon, who was a loser. In the part regarding the negotiations, the French were always the last to show up. Even in the Scottish trenches, there's a sign labelled "Froggie Land" in the direction of the French trenches. For those who don't know the joke, the British call the French Frogs.

There is still a lot I want to write but I feel so tired, I'll leave you guys to ponder over what I mean by I love the side story of the alarm clock the best. Many jokes were made out of it, but it's ending was also a tragic one, not only to those involved but to the general spirit of hope among mankind. ***spoilers*** There was this guy, his alarm clock was always set to ring at 10am, every day without fail. Soldiers from all three camps could hear it, and recognise it. The guy with the alarm clock said that he needed this to remind him that when the war was over, he had to be up at 10am to have breakfast with his mother. Because of the Christmas ceasefire, he borrowed a set of uniform from the Germans and set off for home to visit his mother. He had breakfast with his mother. He went over to visit the Lietnuant's in-laws too. And came back to the trenches the next day. However, the ceasefire had then ended. He was shot by one of his men because he was wearing a German uniform. They only recognised him when his alarm clock rang off at 10am sharp, as usual. Before he died, he managed to inform the Lietnuant that his wife had given birth to a son. I really liked that scene a lot, it was so touching, so poignant, and filled with all sorts of emotions.

It was also because of the birth of the son that the Lietnuant patched up with the major in the end. ***spoilers end***

A great film, a 10/10 film, a Joan's Top 10 Films Film.

A Busy Day

At the stroke of midnight I came online and this message window popped up on me. The following conversation ensues...

cindy: the line between stupid and clueless says:
been busy today?
cindy: the line between stupid and clueless says:
nv see u online
cindy: the line between stupid and clueless says:
till now i mean
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
went watch movie
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
bought a dress
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
lol~
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
went lib too
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
borrowed 3 books~
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
quite busy ba...
- xxoos - the next sylvia plath and virginia woolf says:
hahaha...
cindy: the line between stupid and clueless says:
wow...

Why did I put this log up? Cos why my dear friend first messaged me, I thought I wasn't busy. I woke up at 1030 this morning and went online and stayed online until 430 before going to the library and borrow 3 books by Jasper Fforde. Can't wait to read them... I'll read them in chronological order then do up a book review. Wait for my reviews! Ya, and I met Yang Shibin at the library just now. To all DHS CDS drama people, Yang Shibin sends his regards.

Then I went down Orchard Cineleisure to meet Jasmine for a movie. Merry Christmas. It's a war movie, and totally fantastic. It's quite the kind of feel good show and I think it can be considered as an antidote for that disgusting (not not nice, just overly violent and extreme) film I watched on Monday, Blood and Bones. I'll post up the review for the former later after I finish with this post first. I had wanted to lumo the review all into one blog post but I thought that might not do justice to that film since that film is really one of a war films classic.

Me and Jasmine had one of those standard boohoo moments before we entered the cinema. I think this can be a stereotypical blonde girls joke. We went into the lift with two guys and a girl. The girl pressed 3, the boys pressed 8, Jasmine turned to me, "Would it be 5 or 6 for us?" Joan went, "Erm..." while Jasmine pressed 5, then Joan continued, "I think it's 6!", then Jasmine pressed 6. "Wait a minute..." Joan looked at the level descriptions then said proudly, oblivious to Jasmine's doing, "I think it should be 4!" "Okies, no problem," and Jasmine jabbed at 4. Before we realised it, 4 5 and 6 were litted. Joan went, "Oops...", as the girl in the lift walked out at level 3 and sniggered at us.

Then the two guys in the lift did something to the buttoms and removed the lighted up buttons of 5 and 6. Joan saw that and asked them in a very surprised tone, "How did you do that?!!!" "Because I work here," was the lame reply. Joan and Jasmine hurried out of the lift at level 4. At least the two guys didn't have to endure waiting for the lift doors to open and shut at levels 5 and 6. And as we found out later, our cinema was at level 6 instead. So much for all the lift buttons pressing, I think Joan and Jasmine should stick to talking the escalators. wahaha~

After the movie I browsed through some clothes shop with Jasmine cos she was going to meet her cousin and her boyfriend at Zouk but she wasn't appropriately dressed. She wanted to get something cheap and nice to go clubbing. I browsed through with her, and as you know, I just can't resist a good buy. I spotted this green and orange sundress on a manequin and thought it looked nice, I went into the shop even before Jasmine to look at the dress, and Jasmine was the one who was supposed to be looking out for clothes. I bought that dress in blue and pink, thought it suited me better. For $39 only, I thought it was quite a steal~ hehehe...

And this is not all! I wrote a short poem this afternoon when I felt inspired by some things going on in my life. It's been quite some time since I last wrote in some other forms other than prose, and it's in Chinese somemore, so it's quite a milestone for me to be writing this poem.
我怨不了天 我怨不了你
我怨不了任何人 除了我自己
我怎么对他 你就怎么对我
我在他的身上看到了我的影子
世界本就糜烂
我在的世界是个恶性循环
I'm thinking of adding more verses to this short peom, but see how things ba...

In all, today was quite a productive day. It pains me to think of how I am going to plan my Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Thursday: 1200-1300, meeting my friend in town for lunch
Thursday: 700-1000, pailian in school
Friday: 800-1000, Imperialism lecture in school
Friday: 700-1000, pailian in school
Saturday: 945-1000, combined rehearsal in school

Can someone tell me what can I do in between all those time? Considering that I stay in East Coast. I don't want to spend 3 hours on Thursday on buses, nor do I want to spend 4 hours on buses on Friday, and I definitely don't want to wake up so bloody early on a Saturday. That would make it, including the 2 hours of bus ride on Saturday, altogether 9 hours wasted on headaches. Damnit... I hate it!!! I'm not just only wasting 9 hours, I'm also torturing myself for 9 hours by suffering serious headaches on bumpy bus rides and acute lack of sleep.

And it's not just headaches if it continues to rain. This evening I felt a sharp pain in my joints when it rained and the wind pricked my knees. I think I'm really aging, and suffering from rheumatism. What a scary thought.

I'm going to be 21 soon. My birthday plans are making headway. My birthday wish list is up by the right hand side of my blog. Friends, please don't happen to buy me the same thing, check with me before consulting that list if possible. Thanks~ By the way, my birthday party will be on the exact same day as my birthday, so keep that day free, if not I'll skin you alive. And it's common courtesy that as long as you've received an invitation, even if you don't attend the party, your gift must be presented to me. Yup... hehehe~

hmm... I think that's all I did today. Should I go sleep now or should I start writing my review now? This sounds like the standard Joan question she likes to pose to people and not expect any answer and then decides for herself what she wants to do. I shall go sleep now and wake up tomorrow to write the review before going to meet my friend for lunch. Just hope i don't get caught chatting online tomorrow, if not I don't know if I can ever get that review up anot. wahaha~

Untitled

I'm don't know what I'm feeling now. I feel so restless and so lost like I've lost all aim and motivation.

Bear with me as I bring you in chronological order of my day yesterday. I think it might have been that too many things have happened and my puny brain is unable to fit everything in and now I've the huge information overload and the worse thing that can happen? Waking up thinking of something totally undefined.

I woke up at 7am. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, packed my bag, couldn't find my notebook and hurried into a frenzy looking for it. I had a meeting at 9am but I threw a temper and said I'd only go at 10am cos I've had something planned. Yes, I planned to sleep a bit more. Maybe I should talk about the night before, I couldn't sleep. I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all. It sucked. I pulled on a huge amount of clothes on me cos it was freaking cold. Two days straight of raining. How gloomy can the first day of school get?

The bus ride to school was terrible. I stupidly sat right at the back of the bus and got a huge headache from the bumpy ride. I almost wanted to vomit like every two minutes. I don't know is it due to my sickness or the stupid ride, but it seems to be due to the ride cos I changed seats halfway through the journey and I felt loads better. I reached my meeting at 930 which I thought I was being a damn nice person by compromising. Maybe I shouldn't always rely on my mood to get stuff done.

The meeting was boring, like every other meeting, but this meeting made us realise how in need of money we are. The meeting ended later than I thought so that didn't give me enough time to take a nap. I rushed off after lunch to print my notes. I hate the bloody packed canteen and the bloodier long queue in the library. I hate people.

I finally sent out an email to Mr Ow regarding my SEP. Can't stand waiting any longer. I want to take leave of absence.

I finally went for my classes at 2pm, and the other at 4pm. It's amazing to see familiar faces popping up everywhere. I've seen like half the class from both classes from other classes before. Seems like the history community in NUS isn't really that big after all. This semester these two History teachers are new to me, an Italian and a British, very interesting mix of people. And it seems like everyone has something against Prof Farrell, both made jokes about "Brian Farrell". Suddenly can't wait for my Imperialism class with Prof Farrell on Friday, wonder who can he make fun of.

After school I went to watch movie with a friend. We went Marina Square. First time in my entire life Marina was like so darn packed up humans. Why? Cos there was a SHE autograph session. And the freaking queue was so long that we finished out meal and people are still queuing outside, and we took a damn long time to find the restaurant and eat our food lor.

The blind Joan with no sense of direction struck again and this time the poor guy with me is Yanwei. I'm very sorry for making you walk the whole of Marina. I think Joan should just give up trying to lead the way. We wanted to go Carl's Jr for dinner, but we just couldn't seem to be able to find it. And I only remembered it being "opposite a slimming centre" and couldn't remember other details. I think we walked the whole of Marina Square until I almost thought that Carl's Jr might have moved away until I saw people from the autograph session holding Carl's Jr's drinks.

Carl's Jr was damn packed with kids. Sian.

The movie. I have no idea what I can say about this movie. I don't even know how to feel after watching this movie. The movie seems to be relating the life of this person and we are brought to meet him from him 20 years old all the way until he died at about 100. And I couldn't understand how I felt about him. As Yanwei puts it, this film is just "too negative". Everything was negative in the movie, there wasn't a single thing positive about the movie. All the characters in the film are all fucked up, and I really do mean ALL. Even the kids, damn fucked up. It's not a film to watch on such a gloomy day. Still, the film was great in the sense that it is a good film, just that, I think it's affecting me too much. It's affecting me to think of what I'm thinking and I don't know what I'm thinking.

The whole night I thought of something undefined, I woke up thinking of something undefined. Now that undefined thing is occupying all my thoughts. Suddenly, I despise myself. I hate myself. But yet I'm proud of all those I've sacrificed.

I don't know...

I need an antidote. Should I get it from the undefined or should I seek from other resources or should I just get on myself?