this tone of voice...

There is this tone of voice that I sometimes would use to retort. At its very best it is a dismissive tone, rather nonchalant, but at its worst it is more of caustic and biting. I use it when I am unsure if a remark is supposed to be sarcastic or just a friendly joke. I also use it to test out if people are having negative thoughts about me through their reaction to my tone of voice. But using this tone can sometimes prove to be dangerous as it can easily lead to a communication breakdown.

There was this one time I used it to Zihui. She said something to me during a Maths lecture which I supposed it to be a playful sarcasm, so it used that tone to retort back, but she didnt take it well and continued the banter which didnt go well with me although we werent exactly in a badmouthing stage. Luckily, we managed to use clear up the mess of that communication breakdown by the end of that lecture without much damage to our friendship.

I didnt learn from my mistake and still like to often use that tone of voice to test grounds or when Im pissed but dont want to offend the other party. But there was another communication breakdown again with another person. This time it was because I was unsure if my friend’s remark was supposed to be sarcastic or just a friendly joke and I was a bit pissed that those words were said, so I used that tone. It turned out that that tone didnt go down with either of us and I became very very pissed. I dont know if my friend meant those words, but it really pained me. Sometimes people would say things they dont mean, but to the person who hears those words it might have been very painful. Just like I took my friend’s words to heart, my words might also hurt other before. I would like to just let every one of my friends know that Im sorry, if my words ever hurt them in any way.

Maybe, I shouldnt use that tone of voice anymore... But then again, not using that tone of voice would make me feel quite vulnerable... ...