Sunday, September 26, 2004

Blah Blah Blah

Miroslav Klose

Internet surfing used to be a leisurely hobby of mine, but recently I have taken to surfing the net with a dictionary on hand. My dear German-English dictionary. For whom did I slog for? The above mentioned fussballer.

From my meagre knowledge of German and my inadequate dictionary, and English webbies from Yahoo!, I found out that he had just did a hat-trick in 20 min after coming on as a substitute in the second half.

My fettishes (is it supposed to be -es or just -s?)

By now, all my dear friends should know about my fettish for Aryans.
The blond-haired blue eyed defined facial features kinda guys.
This stemmed from some neo-Nazi sentiments... Ya, BUT THEN AGAIN, I must reiterate this point, I AM NO NEO-NAZI!!! many people think Im neo-Nazi, but I cant be one due to my Communist beliefs. Ya, hard to think that this girl is pro-Stalin, right? But I am... I still love Bismarck though, but Im drifting further and further from my original point. The blondes. Owen (and NOT Luke) Wilson, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio. All Americans, probably of English descent, but I still like them. If you want an example of an SS kinda Aryan, that will be Oliver Kahn, German (to-be-retired) national goalkeeper. Now you know the reason for my soft spot for him.

Another fettish, the height.
1.82m or 6ft0.
I dont know why but I always thought that an ideal guy should be 1.82, no more no less. Anything more than 1.82 would be too tall, lanky, blah, and anything lesser than that made the person plain short. Maybe it is because 1.82 translate directly to a clear 6 feet and I like round numbers so that became a sorta fettish. Okay, after so much, the main topic, Miro is just nice standing tall at 1.82m. Okay, I liked him even before I found out that he was exactly 1.82, but anw...

Joan just has this thing for dictators!
From ancient Chinese emperors to dear Hitler, Joan does have a soft spot for them. Maybe its because power is aphrodisiac. Bismarck was also an authoritarian figure. The father of Deutschland, domineering even the Kaiser then. Stalin. Napoleon Bonaparte. Recently, I have also taken a liking to Robspeirre. Another thing about the authoritarians that make me like them even more, they are all dead. hehe...

The Eternally Depressed (or rather, Repressed)
Think Tony Leung in Wong Kar Wai movies. Those sad eyes and moody feel, that are all knee-droppers to little old Joan.

All of Joan's fettishes, it is of no wonder she doesnt have a boyfriend...

Monday, September 20, 2004

5 Year Egg Plans

The price of chicken burgers in Fong Seng has risen by $0.50. No thanks to eggs...

As we all know (if you dont, 1-you are not Singaporean, 2-you have been living in a hole, 3-you are a strict vegan), we are currently facing an egg crisis. The prices of eggs has risen to such an exorbident amount that you might as well be eating sharks fin, okay, that is an exaggeration, but I think it really comes close. Not only eggs have become so expensive, even with money, you might also not be able to purchase them. Families are hoarding them; hawkers are snapping them up; big players in the food industry have their regular suppliers to count on, so where can little Joan get her daily dosage of 2 eggs?!

And it is not just any egg that I want, although I am getting more desperate by the day, I want to eat Seng Choon eggs! Or Chew's eggs! I want to eat Singapore eggs. I dont want to eat that tasteless Farmer Brown's eggs or whatever New Zealandic weird eggs, nor do I want to eat those disgusting Malaysian eggs, so poisoned with bird flu or Dr M disease. Okay, I am supposed to give Malaysia more face on the account of Badawi, but nothing can stop my passionate hatred for what is across the causeway... lagila...

In light of this crisis, this little egghead drew up a series of five-year plans to build up an egg-pire in Singapore, and if it's highly successful, I can export my eggs and one day replace all the egg farms there distributing eggs in Badawi's territory! hahaha! I will be Queen Mother Hen!

1. Accumulate capital
In the first of my five-year plans, I will be concentrating on the accumulation of capital for the start up of my egg farm and the scouting of interested parties to joint-venture with me. In these first five years, friends, dont be too upset with me if my mind is only on money, money and more money. It is actually quite expensive to start an egg farm. An egg farm is not really a high cost business, but start up costs is much higher than other businesses, just think that later costs would then be at a minimum.

Of course, there is an alternative to this five-year plan. The alternative version is to spend this five years snagging a rich rich husband who can provide me with the capital to start my Mother Hen Egg Farm. That way, the egg farm can wholly be mine and I need not worry about being cheated by unscruplous business partners.

2. Infant care for my dear Mother Hen Egg Farm
In this following five years, my dear egg farm would be at its most precarcious position and special care must be undertaken to ensure the survival and expansion of the farm. With the capital earned from the previous five years, I will open that farm. But I am prepared to to stay in red for these five years. Revenue earned from the selling of whatever eggs I produced will be channelled to research and development. I will be experimenting to produce the cheapest, healthiest, virus-immuned hens and eggs. And by the end of this five years, I shall be successful and finally be able to break even.

3. Aggressive expansion of my farm
This five years will be devoted solely to the expansion of my egg farm. Instead of a little egg farm, at the end of this five years, there will in place be a multi-storeyed high-rised egg farm built. This farm will house 5 million hens, produce more than 4 million eggs a day, enough to feed an egg to each Singaporean every day. This egg farm will be quite unlike other normal egg farms. My hens will be living in clusters of 150-200 in a cubicle, so I will be having 50 000 cubicles spread over 60-over floors. Maybe I can build it to say 80-90 floors with the ceilings to be lower than our normal ceilings since hens are much much shorter than humans. The hens will be allowed to roam freely in their clusters so that they can remain as healthy as possible. For the reproduction of little chicklings, I will have put aside another set of hens and cocks to do the job, they will probably be housed in another wing of the building and not be counted with the 5 million hens.

4. Crossing the seas and oceans
The next of my five-year plans will see me expanding my farm overseas. I will not only be exporting my locally-produced 4 million eggs a day, I will also be setting up egg farms all over the world, or maybe, just currently in the region. In the meantime, I will also be investing on further research and development to stay at the top of the egg industry. By this time, anyway, my net revenue would be billions a year, considering that eggs are an important aspect in our diets.

My eggs would not be affected by regional viruses and diseases as they are all quarrantined in their own clusters hence free from other birds either from the region or from the other clusters. Even if my hens developed some kind of virus or disease, I can just have that whole cluster of hens destroyed and thus eliminate the spread of virus to other hens in my farm.

Singapore will never have another egg crisis ever again!

I will never go without my 2-eggs-a-day ever again!

Hail to all egg-lovers in the world! May all egg-lovers in the world unite!

Saturday, September 18, 2004

That Handphone in Your Pocket

Handphones as part of our lives

Do you think handphones have become an integral part of our lives? Or do you think we have become over reliant on them?

Im sure many times, we are all guilty of whipping out our phones to check the time even though we are wearing watches because we also want to check if we have any new messages or missed calls. And when the friends we are meeting are late for 30 seconds, we would without hesitating pull that trusty Nokia or Samsung out to text a whr r u message; and if they are late for like 2 minutes, it would be a verbal where are you question.

This evening I stood at the entrance of City Link Mall and counted the number of people who were using their handphones as they entered or exited the mall. In 15 minutes, I counted 176 people. And this number is excluding the people who were using their handphones around the MRT station but did not enter the mall, and it also excludes those people who held their handphones in their hands but did not use it. Use it as in either talking on the phone or messaging or reading a message.

Actually, Im also guilty of doing so. My handphone not only connects me with all my friends, its my alarm clock and watch; it also provides me with entertainment via radio and games, and when I figure how to use it better, it will also be my camera, video cam and mp3 player. Sometimes, I would also blog short messages of my feelings, my sights ot my emotions to later transfer over to my diary cos I can carry my handphone everywhere which I cant do that to my diary.

But to speak up for those 176 people I counted, the place where I stood could also be considered as an MRT station and there were many people waiting there. It is only natural for those people to call up their friends to rush them.

I didnt expect there would be this many people in city hall this evening. The steps were all occupied and the pillars and walls all had people leaning against them. I had a hard time finding a spot on the wall to lean.

Soci people, many you would like to do a project on handphones among teens? I cant do it cos IM NOT DOING SOCI!!! haha... I dont know why but everybody seems to be thinking that Im doing soci. So Im making it clear that Im not doing it and dont think that I will ever be doing it. haha...

Friday, September 17, 2004


Updates in Joan's life...

I havent been doing anything that I can include in Stupidity Symptoms.
I havent been able to access the internet from my room in PGP.
Wubai has a new album.
Wubai is staging a series of concerts in Taiwan. Someone fly me there!
Im back at home doing homework for my sis.
My sis lost her Samsung E700.
I have fallen in love with Lin Feng, a rich Hong Kong actor. He didnt get rich from acting, he got rich from his father. Like how envying... My dad says that since he couldnt provide me with luxury, I will have to find it myself via a husband. That is very sad... Cant I achieve success with my own hands? I dont know...
I love Dicky even more. He is better than even the little pink pill.
I have taken to eating sanwiches every day. Goumet sandwiches I mean, and its taking a toll on my little purse.
Champions League is back.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Shall We Dance?

Shall We Dance?

I just watched the trailer for the aboved mentioned film, starring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez. It seems like a really good movie, but will I spend $8.50 to watch the film in cinema?

Shall We Dance is a remake of the Japanese show of the same title, I can't remember who acted in it, but that show touched me deeply. The script was good; the acting was good; the dance was good; the soundtrack was good, so much that I can hardly find fault in it.

The story tells of a middle-aged, middle-class, white collar, mid-ranking average man who lives his days in a routine until one day while on the train home, he noticed a pretty, young girl dancing by a window. From there, this man developed a hugh curiosity of that dancing girl and would notice her everytime his train passes by that window. One day, he finally summed up courage to check what lay behind the window and the identity of the dancing girl. It turned out that behind that window was a dancing school, the girl was the instructor there and she taught ballroom dancing. In a mist of confusion, the man signed up for ballroom dancing lessons and learnt dancing without letting his wife know. There was actually nothing going on between the man and the girl, but well, most human thoughts are corrupted and we would always tend to think in a negative way.

In the Hollywood remake, Richard Gere plays the man and Jennifer Lopez plays the girl.

From the trailer I watched, it seemed that this remake was trying to follow as closely to the original as possible, but somehow, I didnt experience the feeling of being touched by the show, there was something seriously lacking in this remake.

Yes, Richard Gere's acting was stoic and I could feel his lonliness and craving for something new and different, Jennifer Lopez was as pretty as the original actress and I could feel her passion for ballroom dancing, so what went wrong?

After much thought, I think fault lies with Hollywood. As Shall We Dance is a show focusing mainly on ballroom dancing, it has a limited appeal among the audience. And we all know what a money-minded practical world it is like out there in America, so to widen the audience range, they pulled in big stars to act in the show and they will sell it as the show starring Richard Gere and JLo.

I am not condemning Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez, to give them credit, they are good actors, but are they really suited to act in the show? The male protagonist in Shall We Dance is supposed to be a very very average Japanese middle-aged guy, so he should have equally average looks and my dear Richard Gere is just too stunning to take on that role convincingly. I mean who would believe that Richard Gere is lonely?! As for Jennifer Lopez, she is a great dancer, but she doesnt have the body of a ballroom dancer. No offense to her body, its great, really attractive, but too curvy for a ballroom dancer. Or maybe its because the original actress looked like a ballet dancer that I think that Jennifer Lopez is too big to take on that role...

I havent got the chance to hear the soundtrack for this remake, and for this show, the soundtrack really plays a very important role in dertermining its success, so I shall not say it straight out if this show well-worthed the $8.50.

But if you have yet watched the original version, I would go all out and recommend this film to you. Not for Richard Gere, not for JLo, not for anything other than a really good script.

So, Shall We Dance?

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

A Thank You and an Apology


Little old Joan forgot something really important... And that is to thank the person who created my problem and tried to solve it, spending much time burning little grey cells. Luckily, its solved for now! Thanks, Zhangting!!!

Another thing, I just realised that some people missed out on my public apology to Eugene in the gaedus yahoo group. So, Joan will make another public, this even more public than the one in the yahoo group, apology.

Joan Ang hereby sends out her deepest apologies to Eugene Leong for all the hurt and ridicule that she unsensibly caused upon him. She is now in deepest regret.



Here is Joan posting for her first time from a netscape browser.

Before this, I have never even heard of Netscape, so I guess that is how ignorant I am.

So, what was the problem Joan encountered? Really, Joan still dont even know that answer. She only knew that there were some websites that she couldnt read, namely chinese ones, but the funny thing is that she could read some other chinese websites, so where did things went wrong? Ummm... Point to ponder. And there was the problem where Joan couldnt post her messages on her blog using trusty old Internet Explorer, so here she is at Netscape...

I hate computers.

I thought they were some objects that were made to make our lives easier, but after getting this laptop, I seem to be encountering more problems than before. But Im not saying that the trusty old PC I have at home is free from giving me trouble. That obsolete machine cannot connect to my wireless at home! It's like so amazing. I have a computer that cannot access the internet. And my sis com is not XP, so there was this whole lot problem that occurred ytd when I wanted her to send me a word document.

Note: It is just a WORD DOCUMENT

Basically, my sis couldnt transfer the file over to me via msn or email, then she realised that she couldnt even open the file on her outdated ME since my old com was also an XP. Enter dad who did something, I dont know what, and he managed to open that file. But he still couldnt sent the file to me via email. He even tried to copy the words from the doc and paste in his composed email, but poor me only received a blank email. Then he found out this ingenious but tedious way to send me the doc.

My dad made my sis copy and paste my word doc one paragraph by one paragraph on to msn to me. So I received my doc in conversation form, one para by one para. This is so absolutely pathetic!

Joan's plan for the rest of the month: (contact me if interested in joining me)
The Terminal (after a few months of agony, but Yanling, you still onz, right?!)
Raising Helen(a Kate Hudson show, nice and light-hearted, anyone???)
Kitaro (that musical genius is coming to Singapore!!! Anyone interested in going down to catch him in Suntec Convention Hall??? Tix $68, $108, $128, $148)

Somebody please save this girl from becoming a no-life entity!

Friday, September 03, 2004

TJ Revisited

I went back to TJ today.

I went back supposedly to get my stuff from my dear junior, but in fact it was to say hi to all those teachers I missed and wish them a happy teachers day, although its like rather belated, but anw... I met up with Chen Laoshi, Yan Laoshi, Mr Hasim, Ms Lim, Mr Thompsom, and Xu Laoshi. Missing from the list was Ms Leong. I just couldnt find her! How sad...

Security has been beefed up in TJ. The teachers room is now out of bounds to all except the teachers. There is this auto lock system in the door that can only be activated by a programme pre-programmed into the teachers ezlink cards. This makes me wonder, what about the teachers who drive? Anw, now in TJ all the teachers are carrying a card holder either around their neck or somewhere on their body.

Back to the teachers, Im pretty sure most of you are more interested in thow are the teachers rather than the degrading of the school. (apparently the new security system was proposed by the least favourite person in TJ, OM Chan, sorry Sheena) Well, let me start in order of time I met the teachers.

Chen Laoshi
She becoming prettier, cuter, and younger. I look older than her, makes me feel quite sad... Whoahahaha... She has this new hairstyle with bangs enhancing the brightness of her eyes and framing her small face, so cute, like a hamster... haha...

Yan Laoshi
I really dont feel like commenting about him. I mean, would you if you went to sch and this guy says hi and oh ya have you signed in?! Like come on?!!!

Mr Hasim
He is still as slack as ever. He was making his way away when I went to sign in at 1230, like how slack?! Apparently our dear Hasim is now relegated to teaching GP, but he says that it will only for this period of time, he would be back to teaching History soon (like in about 2 years time). And he is involved in planning of social studies and the history programme for the Temasek Integrated Programme. Well, wish him all the best in trying to worm his way around his apparent busy schedule... haha...

Ms Lim
She changed her specs again. It is now red and as eye catching as ever. Chatted with her about the dress code in uni and apparently, I failed her test. haha...

Mr Thompsom
Actually I was quite shocked when I first saw Mr Thompsom. He had a lot more lines around his eyes and on his forehead, and he seemed to have less hair than I remembered. He looked aged. Quite sad to think of it as so as it was only like 10 months since the last time I saw him and he looked a good say 3 years older. Anw, it seems like his history paper will be scraped in 2006, so its still an open ended question if he will still be around after that. Well, according to him, there is still other stuff he can teach, especially with the new integrated programme and such.

Xu Laoshi
Like all other Chinese teachers, after the revised Chinese language requirement, she has fewer and fewer students now... haha...

Really missing the school and all the teachers there...