Monday, September 20, 2004

5 Year Egg Plans

The price of chicken burgers in Fong Seng has risen by $0.50. No thanks to eggs...

As we all know (if you dont, 1-you are not Singaporean, 2-you have been living in a hole, 3-you are a strict vegan), we are currently facing an egg crisis. The prices of eggs has risen to such an exorbident amount that you might as well be eating sharks fin, okay, that is an exaggeration, but I think it really comes close. Not only eggs have become so expensive, even with money, you might also not be able to purchase them. Families are hoarding them; hawkers are snapping them up; big players in the food industry have their regular suppliers to count on, so where can little Joan get her daily dosage of 2 eggs?!

And it is not just any egg that I want, although I am getting more desperate by the day, I want to eat Seng Choon eggs! Or Chew's eggs! I want to eat Singapore eggs. I dont want to eat that tasteless Farmer Brown's eggs or whatever New Zealandic weird eggs, nor do I want to eat those disgusting Malaysian eggs, so poisoned with bird flu or Dr M disease. Okay, I am supposed to give Malaysia more face on the account of Badawi, but nothing can stop my passionate hatred for what is across the causeway... lagila...

In light of this crisis, this little egghead drew up a series of five-year plans to build up an egg-pire in Singapore, and if it's highly successful, I can export my eggs and one day replace all the egg farms there distributing eggs in Badawi's territory! hahaha! I will be Queen Mother Hen!

1. Accumulate capital
In the first of my five-year plans, I will be concentrating on the accumulation of capital for the start up of my egg farm and the scouting of interested parties to joint-venture with me. In these first five years, friends, dont be too upset with me if my mind is only on money, money and more money. It is actually quite expensive to start an egg farm. An egg farm is not really a high cost business, but start up costs is much higher than other businesses, just think that later costs would then be at a minimum.

Of course, there is an alternative to this five-year plan. The alternative version is to spend this five years snagging a rich rich husband who can provide me with the capital to start my Mother Hen Egg Farm. That way, the egg farm can wholly be mine and I need not worry about being cheated by unscruplous business partners.

2. Infant care for my dear Mother Hen Egg Farm
In this following five years, my dear egg farm would be at its most precarcious position and special care must be undertaken to ensure the survival and expansion of the farm. With the capital earned from the previous five years, I will open that farm. But I am prepared to to stay in red for these five years. Revenue earned from the selling of whatever eggs I produced will be channelled to research and development. I will be experimenting to produce the cheapest, healthiest, virus-immuned hens and eggs. And by the end of this five years, I shall be successful and finally be able to break even.

3. Aggressive expansion of my farm
This five years will be devoted solely to the expansion of my egg farm. Instead of a little egg farm, at the end of this five years, there will in place be a multi-storeyed high-rised egg farm built. This farm will house 5 million hens, produce more than 4 million eggs a day, enough to feed an egg to each Singaporean every day. This egg farm will be quite unlike other normal egg farms. My hens will be living in clusters of 150-200 in a cubicle, so I will be having 50 000 cubicles spread over 60-over floors. Maybe I can build it to say 80-90 floors with the ceilings to be lower than our normal ceilings since hens are much much shorter than humans. The hens will be allowed to roam freely in their clusters so that they can remain as healthy as possible. For the reproduction of little chicklings, I will have put aside another set of hens and cocks to do the job, they will probably be housed in another wing of the building and not be counted with the 5 million hens.

4. Crossing the seas and oceans
The next of my five-year plans will see me expanding my farm overseas. I will not only be exporting my locally-produced 4 million eggs a day, I will also be setting up egg farms all over the world, or maybe, just currently in the region. In the meantime, I will also be investing on further research and development to stay at the top of the egg industry. By this time, anyway, my net revenue would be billions a year, considering that eggs are an important aspect in our diets.

My eggs would not be affected by regional viruses and diseases as they are all quarrantined in their own clusters hence free from other birds either from the region or from the other clusters. Even if my hens developed some kind of virus or disease, I can just have that whole cluster of hens destroyed and thus eliminate the spread of virus to other hens in my farm.

Singapore will never have another egg crisis ever again!

I will never go without my 2-eggs-a-day ever again!

Hail to all egg-lovers in the world! May all egg-lovers in the world unite!

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