Sunday, February 27, 2005


The week before and the week ahead...

Since Joan's memory is failing, Joan decided to take on the general approach to blogging, by describing in her blog entry detailed descriptions of what she did and what she'll be doing. This is especially so for this week as it was her birthday week. Birthdays are important to this girl.

Well, the funny thing about birthdays is that your older friends, the friends you have known for a longer period of time tends to give you your present belatedly or even even not give you a present. Actually, I'm guilty of doing that to my old friends too. And at the end, we'll say, it's okay not giving you a present cos you don't need to give me one either, use the money and get something for yourself.

An excerpt from a conversation I had with Peiyi:
spy: ur present will come super late i tell u
jal: why?
jal: make me feel sad only
spy: no time go buy la
spy: iyoh
jal: wah
jal: one cd only lor
jal: can go anw and buy lor
jal: haha
spy: er...
spy: i wont be gg out lately
spy: at least u will get it ultimately
spy: better than how u give me last yr k...
jal: what did i give u huh?
jal: forget liao
jal: hai...
jal: did i even give u anything?
jal: my memory recently very shortened
spy: u gave me a cdrama card
spy: ask me go redeem anything i want
spy: so no cheng yi

Well, this is between old friends.

Okay... So back to where I ended in my last blog entry. What did I do in the past week:
Wednesday: met up with a friend, went for rehearsals, got out of rehearsals for a while to meet another friend, went back home. Went for dinner with my family to celebrate my birthday in advance.

Shall elaborate about my dinner.
We went to Tampines Mall Crystal Jade. I ate my usual chicken noodles, but the chicken at TM's CJ isn't as nice as those in Takashimaya or Parkway's so I'm not eating chicken at TM if I ever go back there for CJ again. In place of a birthday cake which Joan doesn't eat, we had a little bowl of sharks' fins, and we also tried out a new dish called Deep Fried Prawns in Salted Egg Yolk. That's a very refreshing dish. The succulent of prawns in the salted egg yolk gave the prawns a sweet yet salty taste. Nice~

Thursday: I was supposed to do something for the ding-dings, but due to my pure stupidity and sheer forgetfulness, I had to use that time to meet up with a friend as a form of apologising and using actions instead of words to make ammends. Then after that I went back to my hostel room to have a short nap then went out again to meet another friend before meeting another friend for dinner.

You know, Joan really treasures friendships a lot and sometimes, she'll treat her friends better than herself. In a friendship, she'll really want to put in all her best effort to make her friends happy and sometimes this can put an immense pressure on her, this pressure can be more heavy than the pressure she put on herself. I know, amongst friends, one shouldn't feel stressed, but I just don't know why I'd feel stressed. Maybe it's because I can't match up to my friend, no matter what I do, how much I do, I can never be on par. To this friend, I'd like to send out my most sincere apologies and in return, I'd like to ask for more time, maybe then, you can be happier with me?

If friendships are already making this girl's head burst, Joan really can't possibly think of other stuff, can she? hai... This girl's life is horribly screwed up sia...

Friday: lessons. sian. sian sian. Then went out. Met that friend, felt stressed again. hai... Friendships shouldn't be that pressurising, should they? Okay, at least the night got better. Met up with another group of friends for a movie, Team America World Police. Then went for supper and went for night outings at Mt Faber and Kallang Suspension Bridge. Wanna see the pics, go to my Yahoo! Photos (see link under my photo), yup, they are in one of the albums there, on a boliao night outing. It wasn't really that boliao actually, quite fun, think it's the company, the act was indded rather boliao though. haha...

Team America World Police
At first watch, it was distasteful and crude, but on second thought, it was a really black humour satire on current US policies, their foreign policies. It made me hate America more than before, but the thought that Americans hate themselves more is quite interesting and I have to give them due respect. An interesting point of this movie that it's about puppets. In the age of digitalisation, where characters can be easily made into animations, why the use of puppets something so traditional? I think there must be a meaning behind this usage. Maybe the director thinks that Americans are just like puppets, being manipulated by the up there people. The first thought when I saw the puppet strings reminded me of Charlie Kaufman's Being John Malkovich, and that horrified me. Americans, what constitutes them?

Anyway, that night went home real late and I only had an hour's sleep before waking up and prepareing my self for... Saturday: NUS History Seminar. That took up a whole long day. I was supposed to meet Huijing, but couldn't due to this dumb seminar and I feel real bad about it. Actually I could have met her after the seminar, but due to my horrendous lack of sleep, I went straight home instead. But when I reached home, I didnt get any rest at all, I didn't sleep until past 12.

About the History Seminar, ACJC won the best paper and RJC won the best team. The best speaker went to this guy from CJC, I didn't manage to hear his speech so I shall not comment about it. But from those presentations I'd seen, I must say that there is this huge disparity between teams from top JC and those aren't. The most obvious would be their confidence. The team from RJ was just oozing with confidence which said that "I'm correct! And your point is?". Next would be their knowledge, the students from the top schools seem to know more than the others. I'm not going to be mean by slamming the other JCs, but this idiot from Yishun Junior College said, "Japanese only constitutes 70% of the population in Japan." yea... And the rest would be Japanese ghosts aren't they??? Japan is one of the most homogenised country in the world with the possible exception of maybe the Koreas, and that YJ guy said that? He needs to brush up on his knowledge sia...

But apparently, I shouldn't because of one black sheep and call the neighbourhood JCs lousy as it is said that Millenia Institute did a great job in their presentation, even though they didn't win anything, well, cos the others were better.

Another interesting thing was the extent of aid given by the teacher-in-charge. Some school's teachers went and gave lots of aids to their students by coaching them, giving them pointers, helped them with timing and even brought the students to the venue themselves, but some school's their teachers left all the work to the students to do themselves and only appeared on the event itself to make sure that the students are present and they did a decent job out of it.

JC students are matured enough to handle such presentations themselves and I think that the extent of help given by teachers should be minimal. Too much teacher aid would not make that project a student project already. But on the other hand, this is after all a project that would bring on glory to the school and for the very least, the teachers should not make the students arrive at the venue themselves and only later reach there to check on their students.

Sunday: slept and and slept some more~ cool~

The week ahead:
Monday: lessons at 2 till 4, probably heading down to the Asian Civilisation Museum after that alone to do my field trip for the Museum report. hai... sad sia... going to the museum alone... Where are all my friends?
Tuesday: lessons from 9-8, then at night I shall piah my museum report
Wednesday: lessons from 10-12, maybe I should give myself a short rest by going out in the afternoon. Any friends to jio me?
Thursday: lessons from 10-3 or 4 can't remember, maybe I shall meet up with my project mate to start on my project, then maybe I can start on my European Studies term paper. And tie up ends for my museum report.
Friday: lessons from 12-8, feel like going home after that and not go to school again on Saturday. I want my Saturdays to be relaxed.
Saturday: piah my EU term paper.
Sunday: continuing piah my EU term paper. perhaps also try and clear some of my piled up high readings.

That's Joan, the 20 year old girl now. Focus should be put on her studies. Jiayou ba...

Postscript: Damn... I keep forgetting stuff, and the incessant usage of ps is bursting my head. Okay, what did I wanted to say? Yup... I forgot to add in something in my week plan. I forgot that I needed to do lots of sai kang for the ding-dings. hai... Think I'd better get them to constantly remind me sia, if not, hai...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Joan is getting old liao~

Joan is getting old liao~

Recently, Joan's memory has been getting shorter and shorter. Monday night, Joan was chatting with a friend and Joan was trying to recall what she did the night before, where did she go and she can't remember. It was just 24 freaking hours after that incident and I can't remember anything about it! omg... That was a sign telling me that things were getting really bad. Then my friend commented, "It's okay la... If you can't remember it, then probably it wasn't anything special."

That struck my heart like a blade piercing through it.
I knew something special had happened on Sunday and that I could actually forget it was bad, but for my friend to make me sound so flippant made me worse.

What was the worst?
When I finally remembered what happened on Sunday, I was overwhelmed with guilt.
Sunday, I went with the ding-dings on a round the island house visiting trip. That was the most fun thing I did over the past couple of weeks and as you know, the ding-dings really occupy a special place in my heart. I always feel light-hearted and comfortable with you guys, so much so that I think we are more like a family. For me to forget about them, I really felt so bad with myself that at that moment I really hated myself for being so forgetful.

That was not the only incident.
Yesterday, Joan was online the whole morning trying to arrange to meet friends to celebrate her this whole week, then in the afternoon as she was trying to fit in more friends, she forgot when are the days and times she has been taken up liao. This is VERY bad. What if she screws up her scheduling and fit her friends in the wrong timings then how? Her friends will hate her forever and wont want to be her friends forever. hai...

And when she wanted to explain to her friend the extent of her being busy, she listed what had she been doing, and where had she gone over the past week to her friend. But Joan stopped short on Monday. She freaking could remember what she did on Monday except she know that she went out. And she had went out almost the whole day. So Joan sat straight there shh-ing her friend to let her have time and space to recall her day before happenings. 15 min went by, Joan suddenly remembered that she went back to school. She had a make up theatre studies practical. This is really really bad. hai...

Joan would like to make some things clear over here. If she forgets about meeting up with you even though she had set a date aside, please do not blame her. She really didn't mean to forget you. Also, her forgetting you doesn't mean that you occupy a lesser position in her heart from the example of the ding-dings on Sunday. Please friends, all of you are special to Joan, she will try her best not to forget any of you, but if she does, it is REALLY not her fault.

Before Joan forget any other things, Joan better keep a weekly update on what went on in her life or what's going on in her life on this blog.
Monday: Joan went back to school for TS prac, then went to submit her LIA application form, then she met up with a friend.
Tuesday: Stayed at home most of the day, but went out for tea in the late afternoon with a friend at Siglap.
Wednesday: (today, will be...) Meeting up with a friend, then going for rehearsals in the afternoon, might try to fit in another friend to meet up for dinner, but if I don't do that then I'll go home for dinner. Also need to see what time will my rehearsals end anyway.
Thursday: Doing something with the ding-dings from 12pm, better get Michelle to remind me sia. This sounds important. Then at 7, meeting another friend at City Hall, is it? Safer to confirm again...
Friday: Back to school, then meeting a friend after my lessons.
Saturday: Meeting a friend. Time and venue not confirmed, must get back to that person again. Wait... Who is this am I meeting? damn... shit... Oh no! Shit! Think I've made a freaking error liao... Was it Huijing or Huising am I meeting on Saturday? Who did I say I can meet first? I think I said I'll be meeting Huijing on Saturday, if so, then when am I meeting Huising? Have I even arranged a time to meet Huising? wtf...

*mental note: later contact both Huijing and Huising to clear up this mess*
Sorry girls... Both of you... It really isn't my fault, really. No, it's all my fault! It's all my fault that I've such a bad memory but i'll try to make things up. REALLY, please believe me...

Another serious problem with memory this girl have, and she would like to make use of this opportunity to warn all her friends first, if any of you receive multiple sms-es from Joan, well, don't freak out. Everytime after Joan sent a message, she will pause, stare at the screen then wonder to herself, "Have I sent this message?" Sometimes, she will backtrack to her sent messages box to check, but most of the time, Joan message inbox is full and there isn't any space to record the message sent in the sent message box, so for safety purposes, Joan will tend to sending the message again. hai...

Joan is forseeing a possible rise in the sms usage. So friends, please refrain from over spamming Joan with sms-es, if possible look for Joan online. I will tend to delete sms-es when my inbox is full, which half the time it is so I might forget the content of the sms. If it's something important, you'd wish to remind me, I'd say the safest bet is look for me online. Worse case circunstance, I'll plough through my message archives and or message history and search for forgotten content.

Joan has been reading and reading lots of messages from her message archives recently, and she must say going through all of them is pretty time wasting, but at the present moment she really can't think of anything better that she can do to improve her memory.

It is especially freaking when you take into context that the last movie Joan watched was A Moment to Remember. It's a Korean movie about this girl trying to put down her past relationship with a married man and finding new love. Just when everything was at the height of blissfulness, she finds out that she has a hereditary illness, something like Alzhiemer's disease and that all her memory will soon be wiped off, starting from the most recent. This first she forgot was the man she loved most. awww...

Okay, this is freaking Joan out. Joan does not have any form of disease, does she? No, she doesn't. yup... I'm fine. Just a bit stressed out ba... Stress can lead to memory loss, yes, Joan is rather stressed lately. hai... Maybe I should visit a doctor if things worsen. In the meantime, please help Joan by crossing your fingers and constantly reminding her. Thanks!

Here is Joan, a couple of hours after posting this blog entry, typing a postscript. The reason for her doing so? She is just so bloody forgetful! She had wanted to make a trip down to her hostel room before going for her rehearsals, and wtf, she forgotten to bring along her goddamn keys! Can anyone top that dumbness?! I'm just so disappointed with myself. Even as I'm typing these, tears of indignants are welling up in my eyes. I can't believe I'm so pathetic! And what's worse? This is not the first time I've forgotten my keys and I don't seem to have learnt from my past mistakes of checking for my keys before I leave my damned house.

I feel so bad... How can I make myself feel better?

Here is Joan yet again, a couple of minutes after editing that post and adding a postscript. Reason? More evidence of loss of memory... I have no freaking idea on why is it so, but I had always thought that the first day of the Champion Leagues matches are tonight and the next day's tomorrow. So When I went to check the Yahoo! sports webbie, I was shocked to see the scores of matches I thought would be played later. Have you seen anyone as pathetic as me? Luckily, Chelsea's matches are yet to be played, so I can still watch them tonight, and not the night after as I previously thought. So that would be a rearranging of my schedule again.

I seriously need help!
Lots of them...

Sunday, February 20, 2005

I haven't blogged in a long time.

I haven't blogged in a long time.

Well, usually after a decent blog entry, I'd feel dried up and my creative juices would cease, resulting in a certain drought of blog entries. And I must say that the Art of War was indeed one of my blog masterpieces.

Another reason is due to what's going on in my life that is resulting in me not know what to write about of what can i write about. So what's going on? I don't know. Too many things are going on that I really have no idea what went on. A paradox? Maybe... But not to Joan.

If I were to write things in chronological order it would go like this:
Monday: went out for dinner
Tuesday: Grandfather's dinner treat
Wednesday: went to watch movie
Thursday: went for that Conflict Management workshop and dinner with the ding-dongs
Friday: had a friend over at my place
Saturday: catching up with friends online
Sunday: going tuanbai with the ding-dongs (yet to have happened, but I don't think what would happen would differ much from what I'm writing)

Yup... This sounds so sucky.

You know, there's a lot of things I can write about. I can write about Monday's dinner, gloat to you guys about Tuesday's dinner, write up a moview review about Wednesday's movie, share with you guys what I'd learnt from Thursday's workshop, or my thoughts about well the week in general. I can write about the happenings of my friends, the ding-dongs, about me not doing with them Matric Fair, my disappointment, or about that Immersion Award, if I should apply for it or not. There's so many things to write about that I'm not sure what I want to write about.

There is this one thing I really want to share, but the thought of putting it up online is quite freaky. I would not only freak out the other party, but freak out those who are reading my blog and really, I'm realy skeptical of who reads my blog. I know I'm not those crazy blogsters everybody talks about but I know there are still people other than my friends who are reading my blog. By the way, I also don't want to freak out my friends or relatives. But then again, I think I need to find another avenue to let out all my jumbled up thoughts, considerations, misgivings, my mental and emotional stress.

Sometimes I think that I can just take in things too easily. I don't question people. I just take it for what it is even though I might have some skeptical thoughts, I don't openly question them. What do I do? I either try not to let it bother me even though they always torment me like hell, or I attempt to play mind games even though my gameplan sucks like hell. So either way, I still suck, I can't coordinate peace within myself either way. So I just sit here and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait for something that would never happen to happen!

I'm frustrated of waiting. I'm frustrated of playing mind games. I'm frustrated of my ignorance. I'm frustrated of you, you, and you!

Why do people torment Joan like this? How could anyone do this to her? What do these people treat her as?

Yea, Why do people torment Joan like this?

How could anyone do this to Joan?

What do these people treat Joan as?

I'm tired of waiting. Just tell me out and open, maybe I'd feel better, things will go on better. It sure beats Joan typing like mad here not knowing what's going on, what's her next step like, what up with everybody in this world.

In my conflict management workshop, I remembered Junming's friend saying that he often gets into conflict with other people cos he doesn't know what they are implicitly implying, well, for Joan, when she doesn't know what people are implicitly implying, she gets into conflict with herself. And I must say that that conflict management workshop was of no use to me cos it was a workshop of dealing with conflict among people and no conflict wth self, which is my biggest problem at present.

Then I realised, that people are not implicitly telling me things cos I'm not doing so too. hai... So ultimately, is it my fault?

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Art of War

Art of War

孙子有云: 知己知彼,百战百胜
Which means, to win a hundred battles you would need to know yourself and your enemy well.

Using that logic, Joan shall formulate a set of warring theories that would enable her to either win her battles or give up on all hopes fighting the battles. Why give up the fight? Cos 识时务为俊杰,不该打没把握的仗. Which means that Joan understands that it would be futile to wage a war against something she has no confidence about. As a cautious person, Joan would rather waste that 70% chance and give up that battle instead of risking it. As such, Joan will only wage a battle if she has 95% chance of winning it. The opportunity cost of risking is too high for the vulnerable heart of this poor girl.

子萍章: 按兵不动之道
Joan's theory of warfare: The Art of Withholding an Army

萍曰: 一,敌不动 我不动
Joan says: 1. When the enemy doesn't make the first move, one shan't move too

This is because when the enemy doesn't move, you wouldn't know what the enemy is thinking and you will be in the lower position of the battle as the enemy is able to grasp all your moves while you on the other hand have no idea on how the enemy is going to move. In any battle, never let the enemy know your next move, always be in a superior postition than him.

萍曰: 二,敌动 我就动
Joan says: 2. When the enemy has made his first move, one should quickly follow suit and mobilise.

Of course, you shouldn't rashly mobilise. After the enemy has made the first move, always make sure you know what is the motive behind that move and should always formulate your next move in accordance to your enemy. Never let your enemy easily get what he wants. Always keep the upper hand against your enemy. This would be the best outcome over any battle as you are able to know what your enemy is doing while on the other hand keep a firm check on your enemy.

萍曰: 三,敌没有动 我怎么办?
Joan says: 3. What should one do when the enemy fails to moves first?

When the enemy fails to move, it means that you would not know what the enemy is thinking and you are in a precarious position. You cannot make any move as that would put you in front of the enemy for analysis and your next moves might be forestalled by the enemy. There is also nothing much you can do as at this position you do not know much about the enemy and you would put yourself at risk if you jumped into a battle without considering the outcomes. As Joan said before, she would rather risk the 30% chance of losing the battle rather than the 70% chance of winning it.

萍曰: 四,我动 敌也动 无疑是桩好事
Joan says: 4. When one makes the first move and the enemy follows suit almost immediately, that unquestionably would also be a good thing.

This scenario is the second best scenario Joan would prefer. Of course, in a stalemate, both parties would fail to immediately launch and attack as both would prefer for the other party to make the first move, but as time is money, you cannot wait indiscriminately for your enemy to make the first move. In this case, you should launch an attack. If the result of this is an almost immediate counter-attack by your enemy, then you are in luck as now you know how your enemy fights a battle and you can plan your next moves in accordance to how your enemy reacted. That way, you can still maintain the upper hand against your enemy, and that is the most important thing in a battle.

萍曰: 五,我动 敌不动 那我想还是放弃吧
Joan says: 5. When one makes the first move and the enemy doesn't move in retrospect, then one should just give up all hope and forget about the battle.

This would be the saddest and most heartbreaking of all scenarios. Of course one would wish that the enemy would at least have some reaction, so when the enemy really, indeed, have none, then you should just forget about waging this battle. Ultimately, if the enemy just refuses to make any move against you, you would just be wasting your precious time and resources on something inactive. So, if that happens, it would be wiser if you just put that battle down and proceed to wage another battle on another enemy. That might eventually reap better rewards rather than wasting your time and energy.

Before you think that life is always that sad, Joan would like to end off her Art with the old saying of 留有希望在人间 or keep at least some faith in humanity.

Winning a war is definitely not something easy and this girl herself has yet to win any war she waged as most of her battles were abandoned on the clause of her point number 5 while the others are still hanging on point number 3. Or maybe the failure is due to that Joan is attempting to wage several battles at the same that that she is unable to single-mindedly focus on a single battle and win it. Or maybe, on a better thought, it is that fate has it yet that Joan should win a battle. Just hope that when joan finally wins a battle that would be the most glorifying and spectacular battle ever, the 世纪之战 War of the Century.

After all, a Great War beats all other small battles added together.

I guess some people might wonder why the sudden influx of Chinese characters in this entry. Yes, I'm Chinese and I'm proud of it. Even though when you guys hear me speak you might not realise that my Chinese isn't really that bad, my Chinese is in fact pretty good. And the art of warfare goes way back in Chinese history, so it is only befitting if the key points in this entry are in Chinese. I think you'd need to change the encoding to unicode to view them, but if you happen not to be able to understand Chinese, you didn't really miss much so please don't freak out. After each set of Chinese characters is the English translation of it.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

My son~

My son~

My son's name is James. 张 枫.
That is if my husband is a Zhang. If not, then my dear James will be 李 丹. That is, of course, if my husband is a Lee. But if my husband is neither a Lee or a Zhang, then I've no idea what to call my son. Though he'll still be James.

Why James?
Cos I like people whose names start with J-, like Joan. Okay... It's not about the people, but the name. Just a preference ba... Liking something is irrational, so I guess I don't need to resonate my this preference. It would be nice if my husband's name starts with J too, then we'd be a family of Js, but of course, who am I too determine this? lol... Yup... Joan's daughter will be a J- too, but I haven't thought of her name yet. Well, J-names are quite plentiful, so why James? I've no idea. I like the sound of the name. One thing about names is that it's always easier to have a single-syllabus name. Like Joan Ang. lol... Think I'm getting a bit big in the head already. It's Chinese New Year and Joan's sick, so obviously she's going mad.

Why 张 枫 and 李 丹?
Cos I like names to be in pairs. So if my husband's name happens to be a dual character Chinese name, then I'll name my son with two Chinese characters 丹枫. Like those Chinese martial arts novels, those swordsmen have such nice names. They sound so suave and charming, and I do want my son to be like that. Hmm... But it seems that there isn't many Chinese dual-charactered surnames in Singapore and if you know Joan well, she isn't really going to China to look for a husband.

Since Joan is so deeply engaged in martial arts novels, I shall disclose where I got the characters 丹 and 枫 from. It's from my ever favourite novelist 梁羽生's 萍踪侠影录. The male protagonist's name was 张丹枫. And he's the exact kind of guy that would sweep Joan off her feet. Suave, charming, a bit moody, intense, a weathered life, and greatly in love with the female protagonist. Well, if you guys are into sports, you'd notice that the name Lin Dan sounds very familiar. Yup... The world's top badminton player shares almost the same name. He's a damn cool person if you ever watched him play, save for the game with our Susilo, he just wasn't even himself that day. lol... I sound like a traitor.

Well, if I decide to give my son a more conventional name, he'd be 张 俊 or 李 杰. Yup... That thing with the J-names. My daughter will also have a J-name too, and a Chinese name with J too, just that I haven't thought of a suitable one for her yet. lol... She'll be my darling so of course I'd take my time to think of a nice name for her. But single syllabus J-names for girls aren't plentiful and I'd die if I had to call my daughter Jane. That's like so-so-so plain. Oops... Think someone will hantam me, but well, that's the truth. Chinese J-names for my dear daughter? I haven't thought of it yet, but I'll keep you guys posted. lol...

In the meantime, in the words of the ding-dingers, I'll have to need to find the Zhang or Lee guy before I can actually plan anything. I mean, what if I end up not being able to get married to ANY guy much less a Zhang or Lee guy then what? I wouldn't have any kids at all! That's a horrible thought, but it's possible! And it's scary... boohoo...

So, while the ding-dingers open their eyes wide for 6-feet Zhangs and Lees for me, Joan shall open her eyes to look for anyone who might fall between the lines. Any applications? lol... I'm starting to sound desperate liao. wahaha... To all those who do not know me, let me make it clear that Joan is really NOT desperate for anything. hai... Let nature takes its own course. Like what I always say, if not, then it means that it's really not fated. I'll leave my dear James in the hand of fate

Please fate, take care of my dearest James.

Then again, what if my husband isn't Chinese?
Hmm... Then there goes my swordsman son. Well, thinking about it, no matter what ethnic is my husband, my son's mother tongue will always be Chinese. No matter how much I dislike that language or no matter how much my husband protests, my son WILL learn Chinese. So I'll still have to give him a Chinese name. Hmm... if so, should I let him follow my Chinese surname or just let him make do without a Chinese surname. Well, 洪 doesn't really go well with any of the above names I'd thought of, so I guess if I want my son to follow my surname I'll need to think about it all over again. If I'm going to just give my son a Chinese name without suname, he'll be 子 君. yup... A James nonetheless.

Hmm... I'm starting to miss my dear James already, and his sister whose name I've yet to decide. Any nice, single-syllabus, unique J-name for my daughter?

It's highly unlikely that I'll get my daughter to follow my name, though I think it'll be quite cool for my son to follow his father's name. Say, if I've more than one son, the second shall fow his father's name, the second generation. Well, of course, if my husband had followed his father's name then it'll not merely be the second generation but maybe the third or fourth or whatever it is generation. Joan Zhang or Joan Lee just doesn't sound nice sia...

As for the Chinese name for my dearest daughter, it'll definitely have some elements of water in it. Cos my elements are mainly water which signifies emotions which I think would make a girl rather appealing. Girls are meant to be emotional, right? lol...

Thinking about it, I don't know if I should give my daughter a single-syllabus Chinese name or a dual-syllabus one. A dual-syllabus name would make her name sound more endearing, but a single-syllabus name would add uniformity with that of her brother's. What do you guys think?

Really, I'm starting to think, what if I've more kids than I'd planned? Would I have enough names to go around? What if I've three sons? Then other than James and the one that follows his father's name, I'd need one more name for my last son. Now, what would I call him?

Or what if I don't have any sons? If I've only daughters, then I really wonder what would I name them. I'm now already having trouble name one daughter much less a couple. lol... Or what if I can't have kids? Oh no... That's a horrible thought...

Then again, this girl might not even manage to find the right man who would sweep her off her feet, so that's the root of all my name problems. No husband=no kids=no need for names. Sad equation huh?

Hai... Then again, again, as time goes by, as I grow older, my priorities will change, my outlook of life would differ from that I've now. In a couple of years down the road, when I've a job, a career, a power-packed life, would I want dear James to impede me?

Having James would mean at least 4 months out of work if I want to be careful and keep dear foetus James alive and kicking. I'll need to take two months off before James delivery to make sure that he can have a smooth delivery, then after his birth, I'll need at least another two months to recuperate and nurse James. Would I want to waste more 4-months to have more kids? I really don't know. That, I think is not for me to think about now. hai...

No wonder couples aren't keen on having kids nowadays even though deep in their hearts they might really love children.

Another thing about Joan and kids is that she absolutely detests kids wailing. Everytime in the streets when I hear wailing of kids I'd want to give them one tight slap, or stuff their wide open mouths with something to stop them. lol... Yes, I'm impatient, I don't know how to be a good mother, but right now, I still want to give my dear James the best!

As I'm typing this entry, Amazing Race has come to a conclusion.
Freddy and Kendra won.

Well, I don't have any special preference or violent detest of them. Well, from the looks of the last episode itself, they were way ahead and absolutely deserve to win. Just that the road block requiring the contestents to open a lock out of thousands to me isn't very well justified. That requires luck. Like the bales of hay road block, if you are suay then you are really suay man. It's okay to use road blocks requiring luck in the game, but at the last episode? I don't think so. Maybe a road block requiring mental strength would be fairer.


But it's all over now. I amazed at how Adam transformed in the last few episodes of Amazing Race. He doesn't look much like the weeny he was at the beginning of the race. Hadyn and Aaron, I'm utterly disappointed with them. They blew it. They totally gave up with things went a little wrong for them and to think that I thought they were a stron team in the beginning.

As you guys if following my blog would know, my favourite team was Jonathan and Victoria. lol... I'm starting to doubt my words as I learnt about Victoria being a Playboy Playmate and Jonathan being a close friend of the founder of Playboy, well, ermz... lol...

For this race I'm pretty surprised that it ended up quite sadly as in the last couple of couples are all couples. Okay, if you don't understand, it's okay... lol...

After such a long blog entry and serious brain cell killing thinking about my sons and daughters, I'm tried out...

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Postscript: Someone asked me, why had I say that Chelsea lost when they hadn't?
Well, cos drawing for Chelsea is something totally uncalled for. Since they didn't win, I'd consider that they lost. Instead of gaining 1 pt, they lost 2. yup... That's why... And it's not as if Man City is a very strong team, right?

Monday, February 07, 2005

Joan's back at home~

Joan's back at home~

She missses being at home where she can lie on her bed with her laptop on her tummy which she can't do in school as the lan cable isn't long enough to permit her from doing so. At home, under a wireless network, she can eat with her lappie, watch tv with her lappie, sleep with her lappie. haha~ Before you think that this girl is addicted to her laptop, I'd like to deny it. Do you really think that Joan would allow her laptop to come beween her and her tv set? No way man... lolz...

Okay... Joan's back at home with tons of readings to catch up and another ton of German homework which all have fallen into Joan's habit of procrastination. Let's see how long can Joan procrastinate until her mind takes over her pathetism... lol...

Joan yesterday just bought a book on Bismarck from Kinokuniya. Yes, why am I so proud to declare that? I don't know... I guess I'm having a withdrawal of Bismarck. The two history modules I'm doing this semester do not include anything pertaining to my dear man, so I guess if I don't read about him myself, I'll have tummy aches, break into cold sweat, suffer from feverish symptoms and god knows what other kind of withdrawal symptoms. Then again, I'm wondering how can I sit down and read a book about Bismarck while procrastinate reading my readings? I'm so way behind in my readings and I'm not flustered. Oh man, the holiday mood has got into me...

Well, not exactly, my dearest Chelsea lost ytd, so I'm supposed to be in mourning. Yingling! It's all your fault! You cursed them! To think that I was still gloating about asernal's loss to man u to my friends that day. I think this is bad karma. No, this MUST be bad karma! Hmm~ Joan mustn't bad mouth any other team again.

Well, after the Chinese New Year would be Valentine's Day, and this girl is dreading it! Imagine, changing your MSN nick to "how come no one wants to celebrate my birthday with me 11 days early?" and no one responded to my pleas? Okay, some of my friends did... But do I want their company? NO!!! Yes, I'm zhong se qing you, so? Just let me be so on this day... Actually, think I'm really cultivating bad karma my pissing my friends off and now no one wants to ask me out on V day.... Boohoo~

Damn... Think I'm getting desperate already~ Worse case circumstance, I end up with Bismarck the whole morning and lessons in the afternoon and friends at night. Friends, if you guys think that that night Joan can like always provide you guys with entertainment, I'll tell you sorry. Look to Shihui ba... Joan will cmi that day. She'll wallow up in her own sorrows and probably piss everyone off by complaining that she really don't want to be with you guys if she has a choice. lol~

Hey... I was doing some calculations and found out that on VDay, Monday, next week, is my Chinese birthday! Heck sia... So i'll be stuck in sch with my that bunch of friends on my chinese birthday, without a boyfriend, without mee sua... Wahaha...


This CNY will be totally different from other CNYs with my grandma... oh~ How I miss her... Think I shall spend my CNY, Vdae, Bdae whateverday with Bismarck instead. At least he can always be there when no one else is there. If not I caan always turn to my readings too. They'll always be there for me, calling out to me asking me to open them up devouring their contents, digesting them, waiting come April/May when I'll need to vomit them all out again then banish them into the darkness of one of my shelves never too see them again, unless they happen to be on another of my reading list. lol~

Last call: Wanted company for 14 Feb, or the 6th day of the first lunar month.
Do NOT apply if you are a female.
Thank you!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

predator vs prey

predator vs prey

cool... Sounds like some low budget B grade Hollywood movie featuring some of the contestents from The Next Action Star. By the way, the reality programme has really reached the nadir of reality programmes. When you thought you can't get anything new of from the google box, this new but not fresh programme comes out and stuns youwith its sheer stupidity. One thing, like all others who are admires of action movies, we know that a good action star isn't borned in a reality series. They either grow up as body doubles and learn their stunts as they go along or they already are some martial arts exponent who after years of honing of skill finally meets with retirement and acting seems like a fun retirement plan.

Okay, I'm digressing, but anyway, where was I? yup... Predator vs Prey...

I was bathing in the cramped teeny weeny bathroom cubicle in my toilet in pgp and well, started feeling rather icky about the large number of flies in there. Last semester, I'd make it a point to spray the ceilings and wall of the toilet cubicles with my trusty Baygon before bathing so that I can kill all the flies and bathe in peace. More like cleaniness, though. This makes me wonder, how does the person who washes the toilet washes the toilet when the toilets aren't clean?!

Yes, you can call me pampered or what, but I'm just nitpicky. I mean, growing up in the east coast does shapes your life to one who's smart, laid back, and rich. Yes, rich, as in wealthy. I bet if you do a demographics on wealth in Singapore, people in the east coast are indeed wealthier than most places, though Bukit Timah is not included. People in the east coast probably are also smarter yet more laid back. Being laid back would also mean that they are happier, at least in comparison to those money-grubbing Bukit Timahers. Okay, I yet again digress. My point is that, me being a true blue east coast baby do not permit me to bathe with flies!

Then as I heard from my cluster mates that there is a lizard living behind the ceiling boards above the bathrooms of our toilet. At first thought of that, after seeing the scaley mate a couple of times, I really wanted to bring out my Baygon and empty half of the bottle in vain to exterminate that creature, but my knowledge of primary school science got the better of me.

I remembered some time long long ago in primary school, when we were supposed to memorise pairs of animals that supposedly have a relationship of predator and prey and lizards and flies were a pair. So, Joan's brain started tinking (note: this is not a typo, imagine joan's head go tink tink tink, yup, that's tinking) and she thought: If the lizard is killed, there is a very high chance that there will be more flies as the lizard there was supposed to control the population of the flies by eating them up. If I attempt to spray more Baygon at the flies, the poor lizard would probably be affected by it too. Joan may dislike lizard lizards, but she hates flies more than lizards, so she shall rather live with the lizard than the flies.

So joan decided to to utilise the Baygon further, thus giving a new life to either the lizard or the flies. They'd better be grateful and not attempt to disturb me during my bath. I've this horror image of me one day bathing half way when the lizard slips and falls onto me. I will definitely freak out. I guess it isnt really that possible, but, it MIGHT still happen for all I know, or not know.

But giving the lizard a new life makes me feel rather queasy as the lizard doesnt seem to be doing its job eating up all the flies. In fact, the number of flies seems to be ever increasing. Is this lizard on diet??? I don't think so as it does looks pretty fat, but we never know, maybe the lizard is feeding on something that we don't know or that the population of flies is increasing at a faster pace than them dying or kena gobbled up. heck...

Just a note to the flies and the lizard: You better not come and kajiao me, or Joan will bring out her special weapon and make sure you guys are dead in 3 minutes!

This reminds me of another incident between preys and predators...

It was at Marina South, I went there to eat, steamboat, what else? I guess you dont expect people to go to Marina South to eat Hokkien Mee, right? yup... Joan was there with a bunch of girl friends.

Half way during our meal, we spotted a big fat rat running up and down the grass slope behind out table. Unargubly, we all freaked out, not just the east coast babies, but everyone just freaked out. We turned to the shop assisstant, hoping that he can do his best and make our dining experience more wonderful, but instead he gave us a long stare and told us that the rat was harmless. Luckily that was in a pre-SARS context or I guess Joan would have screamed out and called the ENV to come and exterminate the rats.

Then a while later, something brushed by our feet. It wasnt the rats. The rats aren't that bold to come near us even though they are physically really BIG. That thing that brushed by our feet was a cat! Yes, we screamed and freaked out and did what you would expect young girls to do when they encounter a weird animal. Cats really aren't that bad actually. Not as freaky as rats, maybe it was the moment of surprise that made us all scream.

But my point is that there are rats at that place and there are cats there too!

Isn't it a bit weird to see cats and rats happily coexisting in Marina South eating nicely leftover seafood? Okay, to Joan, who grew up watching Tom and Jerry, this is absolutely absurb! Okay... Now that I'm exposed to Garfield, I'm supposed to be opened to the idea that cats are lazy, but, well, maybe i'm just feeling a bit indignant. But I STILL THINK THAT CAT SHD EAT THAT RAT so that I can eat my prawns and fish in peace.

What kind of screwed up world are we living in? Lizards not eating flies; cats not catching rats. By the way, try saying "cats catch rats" 10 times real fast. I bet you can't! Unless you've really have a long long long tongue or are trained in speech and drama or something obscure. Back to where I was at, this world is crumbling down on us. It's snowing in warm places and burning in cold climates. Yesh... something's seriously wrong with planet Earth.

Maybe we should call for Captain Planet! Damn... I'm getting lame... Ya... I grew up watching captain planet, by the way, but that was eons ago. But I guess we need more than superheros to save our homeland from self destruction...

In the meantime, I shall slowly ponder if i should just kill all the flies and the lizard in one sitting or let the lizard live and hope that it will eat all the flies. Maybe I should bring in a mate for the lizard to multiply, then maybe with more mouths to feed, more flies can be exterminated. But do I want to bathe with a family of lizards above me watching? damnit! It sounds so RAed... I guess this is what people call the lose-lose situation.

Maybe a letter of complain to whom it may concern that the toilet is not being properly cleaned would be a more effective method of erradicating the flies and lizard(s) if possible. Really kinda creepy to think that there is something looking down on you from above when you are bathing.