I haven't blogged in a long time.

I haven't blogged in a long time.

Well, usually after a decent blog entry, I'd feel dried up and my creative juices would cease, resulting in a certain drought of blog entries. And I must say that the Art of War was indeed one of my blog masterpieces.

Another reason is due to what's going on in my life that is resulting in me not know what to write about of what can i write about. So what's going on? I don't know. Too many things are going on that I really have no idea what went on. A paradox? Maybe... But not to Joan.

If I were to write things in chronological order it would go like this:
Monday: went out for dinner
Tuesday: Grandfather's dinner treat
Wednesday: went to watch movie
Thursday: went for that Conflict Management workshop and dinner with the ding-dongs
Friday: had a friend over at my place
Saturday: catching up with friends online
Sunday: going tuanbai with the ding-dongs (yet to have happened, but I don't think what would happen would differ much from what I'm writing)

Yup... This sounds so sucky.

You know, there's a lot of things I can write about. I can write about Monday's dinner, gloat to you guys about Tuesday's dinner, write up a moview review about Wednesday's movie, share with you guys what I'd learnt from Thursday's workshop, or my thoughts about well the week in general. I can write about the happenings of my friends, the ding-dongs, about me not doing with them Matric Fair, my disappointment, or about that Immersion Award, if I should apply for it or not. There's so many things to write about that I'm not sure what I want to write about.

There is this one thing I really want to share, but the thought of putting it up online is quite freaky. I would not only freak out the other party, but freak out those who are reading my blog and really, I'm realy skeptical of who reads my blog. I know I'm not those crazy blogsters everybody talks about but I know there are still people other than my friends who are reading my blog. By the way, I also don't want to freak out my friends or relatives. But then again, I think I need to find another avenue to let out all my jumbled up thoughts, considerations, misgivings, my mental and emotional stress.

Sometimes I think that I can just take in things too easily. I don't question people. I just take it for what it is even though I might have some skeptical thoughts, I don't openly question them. What do I do? I either try not to let it bother me even though they always torment me like hell, or I attempt to play mind games even though my gameplan sucks like hell. So either way, I still suck, I can't coordinate peace within myself either way. So I just sit here and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait for something that would never happen to happen!

I'm frustrated of waiting. I'm frustrated of playing mind games. I'm frustrated of my ignorance. I'm frustrated of you, you, and you!

Why do people torment Joan like this? How could anyone do this to her? What do these people treat her as?

Yea, Why do people torment Joan like this?

How could anyone do this to Joan?

What do these people treat Joan as?

I'm tired of waiting. Just tell me out and open, maybe I'd feel better, things will go on better. It sure beats Joan typing like mad here not knowing what's going on, what's her next step like, what up with everybody in this world.

In my conflict management workshop, I remembered Junming's friend saying that he often gets into conflict with other people cos he doesn't know what they are implicitly implying, well, for Joan, when she doesn't know what people are implicitly implying, she gets into conflict with herself. And I must say that that conflict management workshop was of no use to me cos it was a workshop of dealing with conflict among people and no conflict wth self, which is my biggest problem at present.

Then I realised, that people are not implicitly telling me things cos I'm not doing so too. hai... So ultimately, is it my fault?