Sunday, March 13, 2005

At My Nadir

Just when I thought I was at my nadir...

You know, sometimes when you wake up, you just know that evrything's going to be wrong. Well, this beats it. I went to bed knowing that everything was going to be wrong.

I went to bed in tears after a good talk with my friend. Suddenly, after that I felt so transparent, so vulnerable, so opened up. I wonder if the image of me my friend had had changed after this conversation? I hope the answer would be no, as I don't even know what's the real me yet. I'm still on my way to discovering myself and I really hope that I can get all the support possible from all my friends.

To that above friend mentioned, I'd like to say that I've now taken precautions and will steer away from that decadent lifestyle I was living. I want to be a better, happier, more confident person. I know I can do it. But I just hope that you can continue giving me your support no matter what happens, I'd really appreciate that, but pls, don't call me to appreciate you. I'll use my own way of expressing apppreciation to appreciate you. Thank you.

So what went wrong?

I forgot to set my alarm that night and well, woke up late the next day, setting off a chain of unfortunate events. First, I woke up at 8plus and realised that I missed my field trip. That killed me immediately. For the first time in my university life I was late for something not on purpose. I freaked out not knowing what to do or what was in stall for me. Hey... me is a guai guai baby, not those everytime pon lesson girl one hor... So it's only natural that I freaked out. I might be overreacting a bit, as what my father said, but maybe it was because I didn't know how to react to this situation.

Just when I thought my life was crumbling down, I didn't expect the person who bailed me out of the mess I created was my dear dear father. When I was freaking out I didn't know who I should turn to. Friends were not immediate. Nor were they able to help much. And I would probably freak them out with my freakingness. I turned to my "Dii". Instead of scolding me for being useless, he comforted me and well, plucked me up from the horrors of my school and took me away from that sad place. He came to pick me up from my hostel room and brought me along to Suntec City to pick up some stuff, then we went home so that I can nurse my broken life.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to my friends for being MIA that day. Really, who needs friends when they can have family? hahaha... Okay, this is pretty extreme, but I guess, after this incident, I realised the importance of family.

Even when I'm old and working and maybe have moved out to live on my own, I'd still meet with many setbacks. Who can I fall back onto when my life turns dark? My friends would be busy with their own stuff, who can portion that bit of time to this senseless overreacting Joan? My family. They can. Within their means, they will go all the way to comfort this poor Joan and provide her with all the warmth she needs. Again, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my "Mii" and my "Dii". Thank you.

Well, I'm not saying that friends are useless, cos yes, other than my family, my friends are also providing me with the support I needed. Yup, to that friend who plucked me out from my dump and brought me to watch movies, thank you. I'm feeling so much more refreshed now.

Next up, bring me the essays to do! hahaha... Dont think it's possible though... Wanna go on a major shopping expedition today. I need to shop away all my unhappiness and stress, retail therapy would be excellent. Pile on the worries as they come on later in life! I can rise up and overcome all of them! I'll not sink back into my decadent lifestyle again...

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