Friday, October 21, 2005

A Letter and Three Questions

This was an exercise we did during Chinese Drama practice tonight. It was one of the very few drama practices which I actually participated due to me being so totally shagged by Prof Farrell, after his Total War lecture, duh... But this was one interesting drama session, and I learnt a lot more about the people I thought I knew well.

A letter sent to a person whom you had a conflict with.

I pondered seriously and wondered which I wanted to share. I had three conflicts with three different people. The conflicts might not be that serious but it was serious enough to render me nights of tears. In the end I shared this... (in Chinese though, me giving a translation here)

I don't know what to say. I don't know if you noticed this, but I haven't been online for the past week. Not because I wasn't online, but it's because I've blocked you on MSN. I think over these couple of months I have grown to be very dependent on you, and this isn't doing either of us much good. I have to learn to dependent on myself. For myself and for you. I know I can do it, and I will do it. That's what you want me to become anyway right? I will be strong.

On hindsight, I should have added some other things...

I really appreciate all that you have helped during my bad times, and I hope I won't need to depend on you any more. Another reason why I want to cease my this dependency is also because I am scared. I am scared that you will end up as another wooden block. Maybe it's better if I continue to block you until I've grown strong. I don't know when will this be, but until then I guess I will be blocking you. And ignoring you. I don't know if you have noticed it, but I haven't looked straight into your eyes, neither have I even looked at you directly nor said anything to you. All these all for my good, I hope.

The other two letter I have sent them to their respective owners. Maybe I'll write about it another day, we'll see how.

Three Questions

1. Who/What do you love the most?
I love the feeling of love, to love someone and to be loved by someone. The romantic idea of love is what I love the most.

2. What is your biggest dream?
My biggest dream is to find somebody who really really loves me and me to really really love him and we get married and have kids and live happily ever after. And when I die, I want my funeral to be held in Serangoon Gardens. I feel like a little girl all over again harbouring such dreams. Most people reading this should have read once about my maxim, all men stray. With that maxim, I really think my dream can only remain a dream no matter what happens.

3. What is your deepest secret?
It isn't my deepest secret, but those people there, save for one person, don't know about this. I have a fettish for BDSM. I do have other secrets too, deeper ones maybe, but they seem rather private or subjected only to a small group of people and would not interest the drama people.

It was also indeed an enlightening experience listening to what everyone had to say. Some of them really touched me, especially the letters, very naked, very pure, very real the feelings. And the three questions almost similar to truth or dare really exposed some people's darkest secrets, things they might not be able to face it themselves. This might prove to them to be some sort of closure. Hope things will turn out all right for them.

With all love,
xxoos likes to give everyone reading this xxoos~

Feeling so emotive tonight. Not moody, just a positive emo~

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