"I am [not] @ Youth.SG"

As I would be celebrating my 20th birthday this Sunday for the nth time, with n being an integer of value open for your own imagination, I was quite surprised to receive an email from Alvin the webmaster from the above said entity, youth.sg. Apparently, they are having some sort of a festival called I am @ Youth.SG and they asked to write something about it, and/or to help them publicise it. Perhaps I might still have a couple of younger readers like my sister and maybe my cousin, but I seriously doubt so.

ME ISH OLD ALREADY.

I'm not longer a youth, and I know I need not be kidding myself about it, nor go about celebrating 20 year old birthday parties every year, nor write about youth stuff on my blog. I think the only youth-ful thing I do is to go to school. But the sign that I'm no longer a youth is that I no longer pon classes regularly, instead I go for classes regularly.

Like that this year for example, I'm not celebrating my birthday. I don't even spread the word that it's my birthday, although this blog post is betraying me left right centre. At the very list, I don't have a countdown on my blog telling me when is my next birthday, nor do I countdown on my MSN. So far I've only reminded *one person* of my birthday, but that's not the point, that's only because I want a present from that person.

I remember when I WAS still young, I'd look forward to my birthday because I'd have a party, sometimes a big one, sometimes a small one, but still a party. People would shower me with gifts, and I'd be happy. Oh man, I think the first sign of me aging is when last year I drew up a wish list and made sure everybody bought me something I wanted so I wouldn't have to put up with stuff I not need. I guess this kind of pragmacy is the first sign to maturity. I don't need surprises. It'd give me a heart attack, old people cannot be exposed to shock.

Another example of me feeling age creep up on me is my lack of enthusiasm in collecting ang bows. I feel tired greeting people, feel a sense of distaste in some of them and their unsightly behavior, almost ashamed of them. Some times I see children who misbehave, the first thing I think is that why didn't their parents teach them well, then I start to think of what I'd do if the kid is mine. I start to think a lot with regards to child development and disciplinary. I guess those maternal instincts in me is catching up, my bio-clock is ticking.

Then sometimes when I see cute looking students or NSF walking around and they catch my eyes and I start to oogle at them, then I start to remember that my god, they are a lot younger than me! There was this time, I was at Scott's food court queueing behind a group of JC boys, they were very cute, and I started staring at them, thinking about how cute they are and how cute they look in their uniforms when it suddenly hit me that I'm no longer a Secondary school girl looking up to these seniors, but I'm an aging old women, no wait, I'm a PAEDOPHILE looking at young boys!

That thought pierced through my heart like a needle. I am old. I'm a paedophile. I'm looking at young boys. wahahaha~

Then there was another occasion. I was on bus 14 which goes by Bedok Camp, then these couple of NSFs came up, looking so shuai in their uniforms. They were sitting across me in the bus and I was oogling at them and listening in to their conversation when suddenly they started talking about their O Level results. That same thought that I was a paedophile hit me hard in the face. They are so damn young!!! It's like years years years ago when I last thought about my O Level results, not A Level leh, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Then just two weeks ago in the hospital with my grandfather when my cousin was there. The cousin's not my direct cousin, but the daughter of my father's cousin. She's like 3 years old and up till my thigh. I was sitting across her when suddenly she pointed her finger at me and said "you so big". I was like "Are you saying I'm old or are you saying that I'm fat?"

God, I think I'm old and fat. What gives...
I'm an old and fat paedophile who hates screamy little kids without manners.

I've already changed my blusher colour to one that looks older. And have changed my wardrobe to clothes that are expandable. Sooner, I'd need to changed my nail colours, then probably my hairstyle, then I'll need to change my vocabulary. Wait, I think my vocabulary have already changed, so that aside. I'll need to start watching my diet, this just sucks...

I don't understand why some old people can still claim to be young at heart when I can feel nothing like that. My body is lethargic and my mind's jaded. Even though I'm 20, I feel closer to 30.

I'm sorry to the peeps there at Youth.SG, no matter how free am I to interprete this topic on "I am @ Youth.SG", I'm unable to proceed on because on one technical error, and perhaps another grammatical error. Maybe there should be a "I was @ Youth.SG" festival for old folks like us to reminisce the past and harp on nostalgia.