sucks...

I have been trying my best to prevent my life from falling into a routine, but somehow certain aspects of life seem to have been mechanised.

I have been trying my best not to think about the release of A level results, but a nagging sensation at the back of my head seems to have planned for the worst-case circumstance. My blog entry for that day will consist of four letters only—F U C K.

I have been trying my best not to procrastinate, but I have just been procrastinating this resolution.

I have been trying my best not to feel lonely, but sometimes I just cannot help but feel lonely and I need something more than physical company, some sort of an emotional company to prevent myself from falling apart.

I have been trying my best to enjoy life to the fullest, but it seems the more I try the more empty I feel. 19 years of life, I cannot think of one thing that I can be proud of.

I have been trying my best to plan ahead for the future, to map out my whole career path, but the one thing I am striving for seems to be so distant and I cannot help but start thinking of alternatives. The singer Jewel once said that it was by not preparing any alternatives that made her even more determined to succeed in her singing career because she knew that once she made backup plans she would tend to fall into that trap. If so, am I destined to fail?

I have been trying my best to put all the unhappy memories behind me and start over again, but there is no one there to stretch out a helping hand. And I just fall deeper into a vicious cycle of my emotional blackhole.