Aged

I realised that I seem to be on a different mental frequency of my peers.

Maybe its due to my complicated emotions different perceptions that people dont seem to be able to understand me.

I knew I was different that day when I read that stupid article by this columnist for a certain Chinese entertainment magazine. To translate it, it went “If I were 18 this year, my subject of fantasy would not be Wu Bai, but would be Zai Zai.” I was 18 when I red that article and pretty much in love with dear Wu Bai, so can I not get offended?! It seems to me that there are many people out there who share the sentiments of that columnist and with their broad generalisations slam oddballs like me. Or rather, they think Im weird.

I think my problem is that somewhere along my growth, I stagnated. And after that, I most immediately aged a couple of decades.

To a certain XX,

My life stagnated after we parted. I didnt know what to do without you even though you were never actually by me. I felt that during my 4 years of sec sch life and 2 years of jc life, I had just shut myself emotionally from the outside world, no thanks to you. Not really the physical you, but the memory of you that really haunts me.

At the end of last year, I decided to push memories of you out of my life, a move friends say should have been done long long ago. I really dont know why I procrastinated doing this. Maybe Im just self-degrading?

Well, half a year past with you successfully behind me, yet I seemed to have aged a good decade during this half a year or so. My attitudes towards love and life; friends and family have also changed. My emphasis towards various values has also shifted.

I know its not your fault. Its really all mine. Yes, Im that sad.

Im that pathetic.