Saturday, June 26, 2004

Emo Day

Ive just awaken from a 3-hr nap and my specs are missing. I cant see what Im writing and my eyes re so near the keyboard that Im like breathing in dust. No one is ard to help me look for my specs. Shd I call my sis and ask if she had seen them? Or shd I just remain blind? I dont know...

I dont know... is how Ive been feeling these couple of days, being in a web of dilemma. I want to do something yet also want to do another thing; I dont seem to know what I want or what I dont want; I just dont know...

Arts camp proved one thing that Ive been dreading to realise: Im weaker than I thought. Injuries amassed: aches in my shoulder joints, back, upper arm muscles, thigh muscles, knee joints, calf muscles and ankles, a cut on a finger, a blue back on my hand aft someone stepped on it and not to mention all the symptoms I experienced from pms, nauseous, cramps, loss of appetite, blah...

I hate being weak. But can I help it if my constitution is weaker than others?

Not only my constitution is weak, I also suffer from a fragile emotive make up. I think too much. I let my thoughts run wild and not keep a rein on it. I often find myself mixed up between reality and fiction. Television affects me badly, a good movie affects me worse, and the last two movies I watched were emotively-charged critically-acclaimed ones, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Japanese Story.

I need to relax my emotions badly, but I cant seem to decide how to do it.

Torn is exactly how I feel. How can one feel happy when one has a grandmother undergoing series of operations? But how can one feel upset when one just welcomed the birth of a cousin?

Refer to my past entry on the excerpt of Harry Potter on the roller coaster of emotions. I cant help wishing that Im not a female and not a female Pisces in that matter. But then again, only a female Pisces can handle this whole load of emotions. If I were Ron Weasley, I wld have burst the moment I had emotions.

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