Sunday, October 03, 2004

Procrastination vs Pathetism

There is a link between the two P-words that I always use, using them both in theory and in practice.


I procrastinate anything and everything, to those who have yet know. Procrastinating studying and doing my work is like waking up everyday, so natural and innate. But that are not the only things I procrastinate, more often than not, I procrastinate the most everyday things, like waking up, bathing, eating, sleeping. I cant wake up as in opening my eyes and getting out of bed immediately, I will have to hit the snooze button a couple of time, laze around for some time before I can actually pull myself out of bed fully refreshed.

As most people would know by now, Im not a person who likes to bathe. I only bathe when I have to go out, so that would translate to procrastinate bathing until I almost run late.

How can one procrastinate eating? Well, apparantly I can. When Im running late, I would forget that Im hungry and only eat only at the end of the day, after Im done with all my stuff and before I sleep. Sometimes, I can go without eating anything the whole day, but not very often. That is why when I eat, I make good use of eating and stuff myself with lots of food.

At night, even when Im dead tired, I surprise myself by finding excuses not to sleep. I can hang around on my bed, reading magazines that Ive read 20 times over or flipping channels on the tv without actually watching anything or I can just stone. Oh man...


Joan is pathetic.

How so? She can well up in misery, thinking that she is the saddest person on earth, provoking her tears to be at her beck and call but not allowing them to flow freely so that her hurt is accentuated. She likes being emotionally pained. By thinking that she is worthless and that nobody likes her, everybody hates her and she should in return hate everybody on earth.

Joan is lonely. Pathetically lonely. Nobody understands her, nobody can understand her, nobody will understand her. She is like vines on a tree, looking, seaching, finding a support, but everybody just looks down on her cos she is so dependent. But then again, is she really that dependent? Sometimes, she just isolates herself and shuts herself out from the rest of the world so that she can feel lonely, so that she can look for support, like asnake who has a home at a particular tree but not wanting to go there, but wanting something he doesnt know what.

So, am I lonely cos my friends cant make time for me or do it avoid my friends so that I can be lonely and so that I can wallow in my misery that my friends cant make time for me?

I havent noticed this, but everytime I feel pathetic is when I have lots to do but dont want to do anything, in short, when I procrastinate, I feel pathetic. Or it is the other way round? When I feel pathetic, I will tend to procrastinate doing my stuff...

I dont know...

I just read the screenplay for Lost in Translation. Images of the two lonely characters anve resurfaced in my mind. I feel like both of them, in somewhere foreign. NUS is foreign to me, going for classes, writing essays are not what I want, I dont want to be at where I am now, squatting at the lounge of my hostel, tying on my laptop all by myself, with a window of my essay minimised at my toolbar and me not wanting to open it, and worse, with my msn set at online status but nobody wanting to talk to me. I feel like both Bob and Charlotte. And so unlike them who have each other for company, I have just my blog.


And the pathetic thing about me is that i know that I will feel even worse reading the screenplay for Lost in Translation but I still went ahead and read it cos I felt like feeling bad, and sad, and pathetic...

Arent I just so pathetic?

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