Saturday, October 18, 2003
I wrote this...
i dreamt of someone i havent met for a very long time ytd... this brought me back to an incidence a couple of years back...
i once did something very terrible, i accused a classmate for something he didnt do, and got him into deep trouble. when i found out about my mistake the next day, i apologised to him immediately, and admitted the mistake to the teacher. i thought that that was enough, but i was so wrong... my classmate never forgiven me... my teacher, well, she didnt reprimand me for wrongly accusing my classmate, and instead told him not to create any more trouble that would make people have the wrong idea about him... perhaps, if she had punished me, he would not hate me that much... and i would definitely not feel that bad...
ytd, i dreamt of him. i think that somewhere deep inside me craves for his forgiveness. but, really, what right do i have to seek his forgiveness? i was totally in the wrong... okay, to be fairer to myself, he sure did something that would lead me to think that he did that incidence, but for me to accuse him without evidence, i'd really ought to be shot...
still, to be forgiven will be like given a new lease of life... i dont think i'd ever be seeing him again, so i guess, this incidence would be one of my greatest regret...
hope you are now living a better life, and all the best in whatever you do, with me always sincerely praying for you, my classmate...
joan ang cut through the jungle at 11:16 AM
Why did I bring this up yet again? Because I met him today, approximately 2 hours ago.
I met him on board A2 bus, on my way back to PGP, he dropped off at Science Faculty. I saw him as he walked past me. I hadn't noticed him at first, just thought that he looked familar, but on second look, yup, that was him.
I didn't say hi, but as he caught me staring at him, he too took a second glance at me. I wanted to call out to him, but I didn't dare to cos, after all, that incident was my fault. I still feel guilty towards him. It's funny how an incident 5 years ago can still recur to haunt me like that. I know sometimes I give people the impression that I don't give a hoot about mistakes, but well, I do, I do feel guilt.
Then after two stares at me, he said out loud, "You're Joan right?"
"Ya. Why are you here?" was my reply. I didn't know what to say.
"I'm studying here."
"How is it so?" he was the same age as me, so shouldn't there be NS?
"I'm in Medicine."
Then he alighted from the bus. I was quite shocked about this newfound information. I knew he was smart, but this smart?! Maybe I'm looking down on him, but remember, he was from Victoria Junior College, Dunman High School, Tao Nan School, and if I'm not wrong, he did get more than a 270 for his PSLE, 6 points for his O Levels, and prob 4 As for his A Levels, but I'm not sure about that.
Once again, to Jasper Ngoh Junjie, Joan here would like to express her utmost apology. Never once had her guilt escaped her thoughts.
Joan just received some news about Jasper, some gossip. Lol~ Apparently, Jasper went to Raffles Junior College. Now thinking back, yup, I did hear that news, just didn't really remember it. Really, I've got better things to remember than some guy's education, right? And he got 3As, 1B, and an A1 for GP for his A levels. High flyer.