deprivation

This shall be an all text post.

My sleep deprivation started on Friday night. On Friday, I don't know if it was sixth sense or intuition or rapport or telepathy or whatever pyschic powers that I might possibly have, I feel into a deep deep emotional wreck. I was moaning the whole night, and procrastinated my work until it was too late. I had to piah my work the whole night. It was only the next morning that I managed to catch an hour's rest before leaving the house.

Saturday, had Chinese Drama the whole day. The tingling feeling about that constant nag at the back of my head remained. To counter that, I devoted all my time, energy and focus on the events organised by my Chinese Drama people. The lights and sounds lesson I conducted, the production meeting, the dinner at Fong Seng, the carrying of lanterns and eating of mooncakes and crapping of lame jokes at West Coast Park, the playing of the two flying fox thingies there too, the crazy 12-4am KTV session. I managed to put it out of my mind.

To the guy I always threaten to send my nude pictures to, to the guy I always threaten to hug you kiss you, to the guy I will threaten with something more fun the next time you come online, thank you very much. I'll touch on more of my future plans later.

I reached home close to 4.30am, moped around online and around the house, then went to sleep at about 6am to wake up at 11am the next day cos I had to study for my tests and to prepare to go out for another KTV session with the barflies. A current moment, 6 hours of sleep in 48 hours, sounds pretty bad? Things can go worse.

Sunday I woke up and seriously considered if I should back out from going on the KTV session or not. It was a 4-9pm session, with a test the next day, not studied, and serious lack of sleep, i was at a lost. But one good thing did happen that day was that the nagging feeling was gone. I decided to face up to it and it turned out that my horrible mood swings and emos were not unfounded. Something major did happen. I think it was my vibes that received those signals from you that led me to such a frenzied state on Friday and Saturday.

It was also because of that that made me decide to carry on with my plans for the KTV session. I desperately needed that escape. The KTV session was really crazy, but I got to know more flies and better too. In the end, due to the sheer amount of beer ordered by the guys, we were given two extra hours. A 4-11pm KTV session. This was pure madness.

I tried studying my test while k-ing. It wasn't that bad. Just that before I left the house I realised that my printer hadn't any ink and my didn't want to lug my lap around, neither would it be convenient for me to study with my lap, so I seeked help online. This internet thingie is really effective. TK kindly agreed to help me print. And he made it known on my notes that he printed them for me. In ultra small print were the words "A favor (sic) made possible by the irresistible super handsome charming cute lively intelligent caring gentlemently super sexy super cool super clever super strong super perfect eyesight super nice nails super cool dude super hearing super big ears TIGERKILLER!!" The height of narcissism, but I can't complain. I did request a favour (note my spelling of favour).

After the KTV session was supper it was only until 12+am that I reached home. First thing I did, come online. Sad, but that's life. Pondered through some maxims by ah9 and airhole, then slowly, I thought through my whole life again. I've detailed that in my MSN spaces, but that's not the point. The point is that I want to live the life I want. And I will get what I want. I hung out online until about 3am. Then studied for test until 4am. Just enough for me to catch two hours of sleep before heading out for school.

Monday. I was in school early cos I hitched a ride from the father. Had breakfast in school. It was a nice feling sitting in the canteen alone and everyone else is also eating quietly alone. I like beehoon. Then I went over AS1 walkway to study, but I ended up half stoned. I was leaning on the table and stoned when suddenly a head popped in front of me. It was Prof Farrell. Yea... Then I felt guilty. I need to really start working on my essay, but with one other essay due on Friday, a presentation on Wednesday, tests on that day itself and another on Thursday, I think the earliest I can actually start penning my essay would be on Thursday night. Damn... I suddenly realise, if I want to get opinions for my essay outline, I need to do it by tonight and email it to him. Oh shit... And I promised to submit some photos onto the eurosoc yahoo group yesterday and I forgot all about it. And I'm supposed to do a write up for them and submit it by today, but I gave another deadline to them if I couldn't meeting Tuesday's deadline, Friday. I have have have to do it by Friday.

Have I missed out anything else? Oh...

Back to what happened on Monday. Prof Farrell recommended coffee. I'm not exactly a coffee person. I only drank coffee (as in one whole cup of brewed coffee, real coffee) twice during my whole year in NUS. That was during a camp when I didn't get to sleep, needed the coffee to push me on. But Monday, I really had to have coffee. So I went to pick up a Latte before my lessons started. It didn't really do me good for the class, I was still stoned, it was only until after the break that the caffeine effected in me. Managed to survive the rest of the day without feeling stoned.

Monday after the coffee things were pretty good. I made a new friend. I did some research. I watched a great movie for my Film and History class and I went home after that. Even getting a bad grade for my little project didn't dampen my spirits. Back home the whole tiarade of work work work set in again. But I had this great chat with a friend online, so was feeling really refreshed. I really thought I could put everything down. I changed my quote to putting down my baggage, in Chinese (there's something wrong with my language bar right now and I can't seem to be able to type the Chinese characters of it). But late into that night, nightmare came back to haunt. First I had this falling out with four letters, then I had this whole mess with five letters. Damnit... Here I am, pleasing four letters without receiving appreciation and in return I get misundersttod and maligned. Sucks! Then after the whole fiasco, five letter came out a changed person. Where was the five letters I once held so dearly onto? Everything now seems so superficial. Lagi sucks man!

That night I piahed through the night working on my Western Political Thought write up, was up the whole night until my sister and parents woke up and my sister went to school. I even managed to eat breakfast before going to bed, at the amazing hour of 8am in the morning. I managed like 8 hours of sleep in 72 hours. Totally crazy...

I slept unsoundly for five hours. Woke up once in between to let a few of my friends who messaged me online know that I'm still sleeping. Then I cleared reading some messages in the bar. Can't remember if I actually replied any or not, but I wasn't soundly asleep that is. I finally woke up after five hours of sleeping even before my alarm clock went off. I cleared some more messages online and in the bar before five letters came online and I knew I was fully awake for sure. Still find things a little different between the past and now, trying to get used to this new five letters. Three letters was also online and I'm glad that things are all where it last was and nothing really changed. Four letter is unhappy with me, still, but I can face my conscience and say that that's not my problem at all, so I'm fine.

I don't know if I can manage any sleep tonight, think I shall prepare more coffee for tomorrow. After this week... Just after this week, everything will be fine once more. Then I shall put up pictures from the West Coast Park trip with the Chinese Drama. We took quite a lot of pictures. On a side note, TK commented that I look thinner in person. Well, that's because I don't do photoshop, and everyone looks bigger in camera. Unlike most other techie-savvy bloggers, I don't do photoshop and to me, the greatest compliment one can pay me about my looks is to say I look like my photos. Anyway, I haven't seen the photos from the West Coast Park trip so remind me to get them from Chun and Jinwei, next week.

And I think I should also make use of the end of this month and formalise a closure for my rough patches since July. Recently I've been reading about how some people put forth their closures. They say it is these closures that gives them the motivation to go on in life. Then again, who should I seek closure from? Three letters? Four letters? Five letters? Six letters? Previously I was saying about the friend I was thanking. I was thinking should I seek a closure from him? He knows everything that has happened, okay, almost everything, so he would understand my whatever decision I make. I don't really want to deal with my problems directly cos I really had too many problems and it makes no sense for me to approach every one of them and seek a closure. Maybe I can seek closure by really sending that friend my nude pictures... diaoz...

Okay, I don't have any nude pictures of myself to speak for so my threats are but empty ones, but then again, having no nude pictures of me now doesn't mean I will never have nude pictures of myself... hehe~ Peiyi gave me a very interesting idea for me to try out. The day I do that stunt shall be the day that marks my closure. Fun and interesting and will scare my friend to wet his pants (with piss or cum, I don't know la... hahaha~)

I'm evil, yes I know.

Damnit... We were talking about this last Saturday. When he used to comfort me he like to say what if there's a guy who likes me lurking in a corner seeing me so pathetic, how would he feel. Now he's saying, what if there's a girl who likes him lurking in a corner seeing me teasing him like that, how would she feel? Well, if there's such a girl, please let me know your existence, I really mean no mallice. yea... Now things are still okay, but if either of us gets attached I think my bf will hate him to pieces and I know his gf will hate me to pieces.

But for now, cheap thrill for me.