Saturday, November 05, 2005

Typing whatever that comes into my mind...

Roller coaster of emotions, from the Himalays the the Marianas.

Monday started of pretty badly, as with all Mondays, I've always have serious bouts of Monday blues and this Monday was not much better. On Monday, I was faced with a very difficult choice between two things. One was time consuming and physically tiring, the other was against my feelings, after weighing up the pros and cons and waited for a sign from heaven, I decided on the latter. A sign has always been what I use to decide on what choice I should made, but this time, this choice I made, on hindsight seemed not to be the correct one, although I must admit, it was the natural choice I can make at that point in time.

The repurcussion of the choice I made the day before came back to haunt me. It wasn't serious, but it did made me feel pretty bad of myself. But other than that Tuesday was one of my happiest days in my life. I went to Sentosa and had great fun. It was more of the company than the place or the time, or anything else. LDRs are always bad, what's worse is a one-sided LDR. But since the day I got myself into such a position, I must not complain anything about it. Conscience came back to prick me with such thoughts... Damn...

Wednesday was pretty good too. But not totally good. I was put on hold all over again. I hate waiting. I never liked waiting. I have an overactive imagination and everytime when I'm waiting, my overactive imagination would work and I'd think up all sorts of disappointments just to make myself totally upset and unhappy, this time was no better. I was supposed to be waiting for a call. The time while waiting, I started planning for the worse case circumstance, and indeed I was not disappointed, the call came and the point of the call was postponed and I needed to wait for another call. So the whole afternoon was waiting for calls.

And when the call finally came, and I made the appointment, and left my place, I received another message from another source. I came to another crossroad and faced another difficult choice. Should I stick with my original appointment or should I answer the call of the new appointment? On any other day, I would have gone on with the former, but this time is different. The person is different, the motive is different, and I too had my own agenda. I decided to try and juggle my time in such a way which I can fit everything in my palm. I felt so much like shit. I hate being put in such a kind of position. Luckily, things do pay off, I am happy with the ultimate outcome, I'm such a fucking selfish person.

I had project group meeting. I like my this project group. I like my these project group members. Never have I done project with that interesting group members before. For privacy matters, I shall not name them. I don't know if they's like me naming them, but anyway, I'll try my best to describe them without naming them.

1. A year 1 life science major. A very very cute girl who never fails to crack everyone up with her interesting yet innocent yet dumb questions asked in a very normal tone. Some samples of her questions, "I still don't know what is that online journal thing" (referring to Jstor), "How come you guys don't post on the forum ah?" (erm... Because we are busy?), "What is your CAP ah?" (guy no.7 told her, "Do you know it's very politically incorrect to ask people their CAP?"). And the funniest incident that happened to her on Thursday was...

Me was sitting beside her while she accessed her IVLE, naturally I kaypoh-ed and glanced over at her workspace. On her work space, I spotted a level 3000 module, Malays in Singapore.
me: Why are you doing a level 3000 module?
all: What, *her*, you are doing a level 3000 module?! Are you crazy?
her: Why? What's wrong? I think it sounds interesting.
me: But it's level 3000 and you are a year 1 life science major.
her: What is level 3000?
me: And I thought you were mad enough to take a level 2000 module.
someone: I don't even dare to take level 3000 modules lor.
another: It's supposed to get more difficult as the modules progress.
me: How are you coping with that module?
her: I wrote an essay but haven't get back yet.
me: baozhong.

2. Another year 1 life science major, but not that innocent, but still quite cute. She didn't know that we are graded for our comments in the IVLE.

3. Another life science major, but year 2, from Sri Lanka, but her skin colour not that dark. (No discriminations from me okay) Quiet ba, don't really know what to say about her, normal lor...

4. An engin year 3 girl from Vietnam. A very matured girl staying off campus. I told her I think that quite a lot of the foreign students seem to be much more matured than the locals, all the uprooting and living on their own and stuff like that. I really admire them. She was saying that she was initially offered a scholarship to Finland but her mother thought that Finland was too cold and too far away, so she decided on Singapore. Well, I thought that that sounded very interesting.

5. A year 4 Psych major whom nobody but me have met him before, okay, not nobody but almost nobody. I did project with him last semester for Singapore Military History and he's the kind of kind who looks very smart. I'm thinking he should also be a smart guy because he's in year 4 and he's doing Psych. wahaha~ Anyway, the thing about year 4s is that they are like freaking busy. Year 4 already mah...

6. This guy is almost as interesting as the first girl I described. He's a second year probably History major. I knew him back in JC. Everybody in my JC in my year and his year would definitely know him although he won't know everyone. The whole Thursday he shared the laughs with the first girl. I started out jibing him by saying, "All these military men all look damn shuai. What happened to you ah?" (He's an SAF scholar), "All these war leaders all look damn shuai, men with power all damn shuai one. Last time I thought you were pretty shuai, then what happened to you ah?" (He was the student council president, yup... Think you should know who he is without me saying anymore.)

The other joke about him was regarding his parentage and his name. I think I mentioned about him in a previous post, I shall not go on over here cos I'm trying to conceal all these people's identity. Anyway, yup, there are three parts to his name, say, XYZ, Z being the family name, so on the list, our family name comes first, his name becomes, ZXY, our dear lecturer, identity also to be concealled called him Y when his first name should be X. I asked him if he spoke Chinese. he said he scraped though AO Chinese with a C6, he doesn't speak Chinese at home because his father is a British-Kiwi (the second girl wondered what was Kiwi), his mother is a Filipino-Chinese. I asked if he had a Chinese name. he said his Chinese teacher once gave him one, ai-si wei-si, zui-hou-na-ge-zi-mu. Okay, in crux, his first and middle name was translated by sound while his family name was translated by meaning, so it sounded damn funny. Especially his family name. He says he doesn't use it anymore, I mean, really, who would sia?

7. A year 2 PS major who smokes. (i'm not discriminating smokers, it's just that he's the only smoker in our group) And he dissed me. WTF??? When I got so tickled and amused by girl no. 1, he commented that was it because "you finally found someone blurrer than you". I was like, wahaha~ Actually, I think what he said was pretty true though. wahaha~

8. A year 2 history major whose hall lounge we went to to do our project. A guy who I can say is quite gan cheong, kept pushing the group to do our work, but really, cannot complain, cos that's what we were supposed to do.

9. Last guy, a year 3 soci major whose CAP was asked by girl no.1. He introduced himself as a name not shown in the IVLE, so when I was scrolling through, I asked who so and so was and he answered, I was pretty shocked. hehehe~

In all, this is one project group I managed to bond a bit with, over the McDelivery we had and the hours sat in front of the computer scribbling and typing and coming up with the project.

I ran back home. After an emotion consuming week, I decided to run back to my mummie daddie and seek solace from them. Daddie brought us all out for dim sum for lunch and I gorged myself with siewmai, hargau and xiaolongbao. Family is always there for us~ After lunch my daddie brought my down to Sim Lim to get a replacement adaptor. My fucking laptop adaptor dieded on me the night before. My dad says the adaptor's gone. Anyway, I'll have to take really good care of my new adaptor now.

In the morning I managed to catch a little chat with a friend I haven't chatted with for a very very long time. I was really really happy to hear from him again, but I got pretty screwed over our chat content. I know I've no right to feel anything as I'm not much better than him, but it's just that fucking feeling you know when you are fucking yourself. I'd still like to think of myself as happy.

Not with last Saturday, I hadn't got the chance to meet any saviour today. I went through everything I did as with last week, the same make up lecture, the same library to do research, made a couple of trips up and down up and down from CL shelves to photocopiers and vv. Got so freaking emo that I needed one big pizza to calm me down. I don't know why, Pizzahut Delivery naver fails to ease my emos. Not to forget the coke.

A whole week of emotions, really straining me. *hugs Nicky close to me* Lucky Nicky's there for me... I love you~

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