Depressed

I'm so hungry now, but I can't bring myself to get anything to eat. I want to lose weight and save money.

I'm so bored now. I've been in the library for two hours and time is passing by very slowly. Before I was in the library for two hours I had already been in the library for two hours, one hour sleeping and another hour reading football reports.

I'm so disappointed with Chelsea. After three draws I don't know what more to expect from them. Anything less than a win from Pool with be rubbish. I thought with Drogba off playing in some African Cup, this would be a good chance for Crespo to shake his leg a bit and score a couple of goals, but Crespo has failed me.

I'm so muddled up now. I've made some wrong moves and now feeling bad about everything. Can I turn time back please?

I'm so screwed with my time. I've got bad time planning and now I realise that I've got no time to do anything I really want to do. And please don't make me feel worse by telling me it's my entire fault. I need sympathy and not more criticisms.

I'm so in a bad mood now. I didn't eat medicine today. Today is my lunar birthday. No one remembered. Sucks...

I'm thinking about the past. One year ago, on my lunar birthday. One year later, everything is different. Don't you understand, I more than anything want to have that little little celebration? You never understand.

Suddenly all the past evens are coming back to me like yesterday. I remember in the follow up to my lunar birthday last year I shamelessly posted large notices wanting someone to bring me out for dinner. This year, older and terribly jaded from my mistake made one year ago, I forgot about this day coming. I don't like having my past return to haunt, but as time draws near, the past returns and I can only spend nights in tears all by myself.

I need help. Someone please help me.

There are so many things I want to do. I want to:
1. Go Sentosa.
2. Go River Ang Pau.
3. Watch Huo Yuanjia.
4. Watch Proof.
5. Watch Brokeback Mountain.
6. Go shopping.
7. Eat.

But I either have no time or company. Wait, I think I've no time and company. damn... Wo bist du? Wo wo wo??? I'm feeling so lost now. I can't believe how I can again and again lose all my friends just with like a word or two wrongly said.

And I now only have a couple of days to decide if I should buy the Body Shop full brush set. If I buy it now, I can have 20% discount and using my $25 product rebate save a smacking $57. But I have no immediate usage of this, so should I? But if I miss this opportunity I don't know when would be the next time I'd be able to get this much a discount. But but but... Brain not working!!!

Today is seriously a very bad day. With nothing to do, or should I say nothing I want to do, I'm literally going crazy in front of my computer. I want to watch Proof. I always believe that real geniuses are all mad. My two idols Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf are all mad. I think I'd be mad if I'm a genius. wahahaha~~~ What brilliance do I have? Maybe a vivid imagination? Is that enough to deem me mad?

I think I've lost all interest in life. I no longer hang out at the bar, because I feel so jaded. Even Mr Depressed can give me a site where he hangs out and I've no interest in that. I have no interest in everything. I live my life of procrastinating then I end up feeling bored with nothing to do nothing I can do nothing I want to do. It's a vicious cycle.

I need some motivation in my life.

I don't want to live a life with no motivation and nothing to live for, but I can't bring myself to actually like whatever I'm doing now. I used to live for drama, but I'm so jaded by it. It isn't the kind I want to do nor like to do, yet I don't know what's the kind I like.

I wish I was at home now. I have a huge craving for Cartel's Seafood Pizza. I just suddenly jio-ed someone out for Cartel. Sucks that I just realised that there's no rehearsals tonight. And the horrendous thing, I didn't hear it from the director himself, but from someone somewhere else, so had I not heard about that news I'd have stupidly turned up for a no one around rehearsal.

Where are you when I need you most?

I was doing some simple calculations regarding my family finances. I'm really hoping that I can be an Eric Khoo. Eric Khoo has a grandfather who has the ability to provide him with the finances to do what he want. I know I'm no Eric Khoo, but I was just calculating if I could come a little bit close to him. I know my grandfather has a couple of properties somewhere, but the exact number is very sketchy, neither do I know who will inherit them. My father is the only son, but my father is supporting himself well, unlike some branches in the family. In fact, my immediate family, my dad and his sisters are all doing quite well, so there's a probability that the eggs will go into another basket.

I don't need a lot actually. I believe that I've more talent than Eric Khoo. With the little bit of finance that I have I'll make it up with all my talent and one day I'll produce a series of short films based from my short stories, and a series of film joan noir that will depress the whole world... yay~

My ultimate motive shall be to turn the world into a Prozac Nation!!!

hahahaha~~~ Suddenly I feel a bit of life coming back into me, a bit of motivation, a bit of direction. But I also need the finances. Can someone help me?

PS: This was written much earlier than the time stated here but Blogger was down this afternoon and luckily I've saved my post on MS Word for posting now.