Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Past Coming Back To Haunt

1. By the past coming back to remind me that I did have that past.
2. By me reminding myself that I did have that past.
3. By the past being still there and never really gone.

I recall a couple of conversations dug out from the memory bottle. Someone said that some things are better left unresolved. Another someone advised me to look for a closure. I'm currently on the path of the former but circumstances will lead me to do the latter soon.

A friend asked me about my problems because that said friend has a problem too, but the two problems aren't the same. The nature of myself is that the bottomline is still that no matter what I do, what he does, what we do, there will never be an outcome. I am not an option. I am only there because i happened to be there. Minus me, things will still be the same, add me in nothing will change too.

Another friend also shared with me a problem some time back, and asked me not to blog about it, so I'll will go about the problem without relating to it. This is about options. What to do with what we have. Right now we are offered this and that, but in the near to come future, more can be offered to us, so why not hold out a little longer to slowly consider the options then make a decision? That was what the friend said. It's like going to the flea market to buy something. Asking all the stalls selling the same thing then at the end then make a decision.

A lot of a person's views are determined by the person's experiences. I speak from example. After going through a lot and seeing more, my viewpoints have changed dramatically. I now can no longer bring myself to commit to any one cause, and neither can I trust myself to commit to one cause. My trust level in people has also decreased. Because of this, there are consequences to my life.

These few days I also had another revalation. I might/or might not. I tried out mind fucking again. If I can remind people, my last attempt at mind fucking ended as a fiasco with me bearing most of the burnt because the fuckee was knew that I was trying to mind fuck and in turn made sure that I was the one who ended up totally fucked up. This time, the fuckee seemed to be immuned. So it still wasn't successful. I don't understand myself. I know that nothing comes out of mind fucking yet I still mind fuck everything I have no idea what to do. And in turn I make myself more miserable than I already am.

I'll soon be leaving my comfort zone. The world's so big out there. I hope I'll be fine with you, I hope that you won't follow me 10 000 miles to haunt.

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