Say Goodbye, Goodbye...

I wanted to post this yesterday night but I couldn't find the lyrics to the song I wanted to post, so I postponed it.

Yesterday morning, I woke up woth a song stuck on my head, I kept singing the above two lines, "say goodbye... 现在就离开 放下我的不忍你的爱 goodbye...", so the whole day, I set my music player in my N70 to this song one repeat mode. Perhaps because the night before I went to sleep in tears, I don't know why, but I was in tears. Some nights I just can't fall asleep before I have a good cry, maybe not a big cry, but just let all the tears and frustrations out. It's very difficult to say goodbye. I've been trying. Coming all the way to Germany and forcing myself to say goodbye is one method, but now that the end of my almost like a dream trip, I fear that when I go back to Singapore, I'd say hello again. And the cycle of hurt and pain will continue again.

Maybe sort of like a sense of deja vu, or that there's a bond between me and my friends, I came home yesterday to read this in a friend's blog.

我的美满爱情
最近从姐姐那里得知她的一个朋友因为身旁的压力，而拼命找女友。他今年26岁，从未交过女友，看见自己的好友不是已经有对象，就是正在筹备婚礼（包括我姐姐），还是孤苦伶仃的他便担心起来。

他把找女友当成一项任务，到SDU网页上筛选心仪的对象，从中慢慢淘汰，在精挑细选之下终于成功完成了心愿，结交了一名与他同龄的老师。

这个过程似乎一点也不浪漫。。。爱情为何会是种压力？难道就不能够洒脱地决定自己所要的生活吗？

我会不会到了26岁时，也和他陷入同样的“状态”呢？妈妈曾说：“找不到不要紧，最怕是选错郎，毁了自己的一生。”

好浅白易懂的一句话，但到底会有多少人真正理解它的意思？人都是追求爱情的动物，愿意一头栽进去，沉浸在甜蜜的爱情里，但最后受伤的还是自己。就这样，很多人的生活就此被解不断的爱情赳缠，搞乱自己原本应该是平静的生活。

身边的例子不说。每回阅读报纸，翻开娱乐版时，总会不由自主地开始叹气。婚外情、一脚踏两（三、四。。）船、性格不和、移情别恋、再婚。。。多得数不清。

最令我看不爽的，就是那些找一大堆分手的理由，接着又快速地另结新欢，然后大肆渲染这个“好消息”，仿佛想证实自己多么有魅力。

前几天，我看到一本美国杂志的封面，上面写着AJ要求JA 不要再赳缠Brad。据知，JA一直打电话找前夫，让AJ很不满。我不知为何，看到她如此的“恐吓”，非常气愤。虽然这对人们以前公认的“金童玉女”已经分开了，但JA至少还有联络自己的前夫的权利吧，几时轮到AJ喧宾夺主？

最近又发生许美静怀疑因为感情问题而“发疯”，让我觉得爱情这个东西确实不好惹。正如妈妈所说的“找错郎”就是这个意思吧。妈妈说如果知道对方不是合适的对象，就应该早点松手，不该继续执著，什么“愿意没有名分”根本就是不该有的想法。这个道理我也同意，但女生总是会比较感性，只要能和喜欢的人在一起，似乎就足够了。*Alamak..Please lor，你还以为自己活在童话故事里啊？醒醒吧!*

爱情就是那么脆弱，前一分钟可以甜甜蜜蜜，谈着未来的打算，下一分钟会发生什么事，就难以预料了。可能你们会因为晚餐吃什么争吵，为去哪里而争吵，为钱争吵，为没时间见面争吵，为见面争吵，为不见面争吵。。。总而言之，什么能吵的，都应该吵完了吧。到忍无可忍时，就以性格不和了解整段恋情。。无论它是一个月，一年，五年，十年还是二时年。不和还是分吧，好过彼此痛苦。

这就是人类所期盼的，不断追寻的“美满”爱情吗？

Link here.

Just as her other Chinese blog post moved me to tears, this did not disappoint either. Maybe because I see myself in such a position too. I've been trying to tell myself I'm stupid, I've been letting people tell me I'm stupid, but in the end, I'm not really stupid, I'm just consoling myself by deeming myself as stupid.

hai...

I shall not sink into depressed mode today, so I shall continue with my narrations rather than rants. So, that night I badly wanted the lyrics to the song that kept playing in my head. I headed first to BaiDu. I mean, those Chinese really have piracy brought up to this level, where else can I go? But to my surprise, Baidu didn't have the lyrics. I tried google and yahoo seaches, neither yielded results. I ended up in some places which touted to provide that lyrics, but they turned out to be farce links.

I turned to my resident provider, and he too did nothing to help.

Then I proposed the last resort measure. Which isn't really that desperate a measure if I were at home back in Singapore where everything is within my reach. You see, that song is not a very popular song. Unless you are a fan, you'd probably never heard of it. But I have the song. Because I bought the CD. I think this might be incomprehensible to some people, but I do own that CD, so I have the lyrics book, but back at home.

I'm a nice person, and it was late at night in Singapore, so I didn't want to bother my provider and force him to be my errand boy and do paiseh stuff.

But just as I was thinking of when I can email or SMS my sister to get her online to do me the favour and copy the lyrics from the booklet for me, she turned up online tonight. It might not be unusual to those people who are online 24/7 but my sister is under the control of the emperor and dowager at home, and internet access is limited to their permission, and she hasn't been online for more than a week already. But I was pleasantly surprised to see her online tonight. It seems like more than a coincidence.

The lazy sister scaned the lyrics booklet for me and sent it to me. I typed it out.

Techno Love
李雨寰

我早已没有心跳
爱情变得不美好
沉默的对白之中
我好想死掉

听不见你的心跳
看不见你的美好
在我们碰触之间
一切变得无聊

会不会你也感觉到
会不会你也想要逃
我们的泪光中有多少谎言
已不再重要

Say goodbye
现在就离开
放下我的不忍
你的爱

Goodbye
别了我的爱
只是不再隐瞒
我们早已没了的爱

停止所有期待
让我独自背负对你的伤害
让我离开
潇洒痛快地离开

The title is damn cheesy. There's nothing techno about the love song if you read the lyrics, but just because that song's genre is techno gives it the title Techno.Love, yes, with that period in there. It's so turn of the century. Granted I like the lyrics. Li Yuhuan wrote the song himself, the lyrics and the composition and he probably arranged it himself. He's by profession a music arranger and producer having done songs for like Faith Yang, Mavis Fan and other Taiwanese experimental singers.

Feel like making a music video out of this song.

I don't know if this will end up as yet another of Joan's impulse decisions anot, but I really am interested in making music videos after a couple of attempts at AMV making. I like video editing, it's fun. But the thing about anime is that I don't have many clips to begin with, so often the result isn't as I'd like it to be. And the answer to this problem is for me to film these clips myself. But I can't do everything alone. I right now have already myself, one actress and one handyman. I need an actor before I can make plans. Hopefully I can find one, and hopefully this is not just one of my another rash impulsive cravings.

Anyway, this is the most recent AMV I've uploaded on Youtube. I've uploaded it sometime ago, but never found the correct time to put it up here, but thought that that video has something to do with my topic today.

The Other Guy


"a detective conan amv, but more like a fanfic though. an amv with 1920s shanghainese movie styled captions to complete the content of the amv to make it seem more like a piece of fanfic, with moving images.

involved characters include hattori heiji, kudo shinichi and toyama kazuha.

song used is unfaithful by rihanna.

it's still dedicated to jinwei."
- from my video description in youtube

I'm now making another AMV also for Detective Conan, but have been procrastinating due to my deadlines. After that I want to really use film and video a music video. I've a couple of songs that sound suitable to use, but well, I need the actors, and also need to make sure that I don't lose steam before I can complete it. bah~

It'd be nice if one day I can too put my stories into film. But we'll see...