有色的眼睛

This post is in Chinese for specific reasons. Of course, there are some other people out there who are able to read Chinese and understand me, but I assure you that this is just a random thought. 我是有马来朋友的！ Rozie 就是一个大大的好例子。

前天，Audrey 刚邀请了我参加一个小小的交流会，说说关于《我们的色盲》这个主题。昨天，我也相续地接受了她的邀请。今天一大早，我也已开始准备我要谈谈的重点。可是，就在一个小小，举手投足的行动下，我发现了，其实，我并没有资格谈论这个主题，因为从一开始，我就是一个已有色之眼光看待世周的人。以我这样“色”的人，我适合当学生代表发论我对这个主题的看法吗？很明显的，在新加坡，在一个如此 politically correct 的舞台上，我必须将一些非常 politically correct 的话，不然，没有不然，我根本都不能如此。

刚刚，在IVLE 上，我选了我的 group。我是怎么选我的 group 的呢？我看了其他组员的名字，选了只有华人在一个组的那个组来报名。其实，有两三个组我是可以选的。我看到的第一个组是有马来人在里头，不知为何，可能是自然反应，我立刻跳过那个组，而选了另外一个，那个整组都是华人的组。而这些华人，从名字上来开，都是新加坡人，或有少许可能是马来西亚的华人。我觉得若要跟那些人做 project 会比较好吧。

And a short note, I also chose that group because it has people from the 06 batch (1), 05 batch (2), and the 03 batch (1), so me from the 04 batch would make the set complete. hehehe~ And I think the guy from the 06 batch is an ex-classmate of mine, unless there are two people with the exact same name. And I also chose this group because there is a guy in it. A TS project is better with a guy, at least if we need people to act as males, we can get the males to do it instead of crossdressing. Mt last TS group, although we had one male, we still needed another person to crossdress. The precious males~

Males are rare in TS because of the long heard myth that men who does theatre are either gay or homosexual, okay, there's no difference between the either or, nor is there any truth to that myth, but men knowing that myth do shy off from threatre.

其实另外一个原因我是比较喜欢跟华人同一组是因为我们不会受到语言的限制。至今我们所看到的 short films 都是话语的，虽然都有附加英文字母，但如果和有异族同胞同一组，似乎我会有压力一定要做一部英文的 short film。

Maybe it's the fault of my upbringing and the schools I've attended. With a conscious mind, I can stop myself from having those thoughts, in fact, with a conscious mind, I won't even want to entertain those thoughts. But with a subconscious mind, yea... That was how I picked my group. But I still love Rozie though~ My friends are always the exceptions. On the other hand, I've heard some bad experience from friends who had to do projects with PRCs.

hmm... I'm supposed to be have gone on SEP, did project with a German and a black (I've no idea where he's from), so I'm supposed to be more enlightened regarding these matters, but why after coming back to NUS, these 分别s still nag at me?

Okay, I think I shall keep my offending remarks until here, though I've no mean to offend anyone. Hence all the slightly, possibly might be offending words are in Chinese. For those who aren't Chinese who are able to understand those, I really don't mean any harm. The whole choosing of groups thought process happened within 3 seconds flat.

And I am ashamed of myself. Or am I? Actually, I don't know...