Thursday, June 21, 2007

Block Contact, Delete

A while ago, this girl from school once asked a bunch of us while we were whiling time away, would you block and/or delete an ex from your MSN contact list. It's excruciating especially when you see the ex-significant other move on in life, and pepper his/her MSN nick with lovey dovey messages to some other person and you're somewhere out there pining, and getting jealous, and getting upset.

I hear of friends who say that the change of status of their, or of some person whom they care about, the most immediate marked change would be their relationship status on Friendster. Granted, I don't have Friendster, so I don't know how that works, but from the stories that I hear about, the most accurate (other than of married men trying to sian sweet young things) reading of a person's relationship status is from the Friendster account. On getting hitched, people would immediate change their relationship status from single to attached, and likewise for those who've falled out of love.

So, am I accurate to say that these cyber information are the most accurate one can get out of another person? I don't know...

What I do know is that I have 317 contacts in my MSN list and have never deleted anyone off that list, even though at the height of my rough patch everyone called for me to block and delete him and not be bothered about him. I lied, I did try to block, sometimes, but I lied still, and now even when I'm the one who (sort of) ditched him, I still left his contact on my MSN list intact.

There are some freaks out there who by some means get my MSN contact from some weird place and add me, but after I found out that they were freaks, I merely just ignored them. I don't bother to block them, and when they IM me, I just leave them alone. Most of the time, if they don't get a reply they'd say stuff like "u there?" "y u ignore me?" but I'd still just ignore. They can think I'm dao, or can think that I'm busy or think something else, but most of them are just lonely people out there only wanting to talk to some other person out there and they'd probably have added hundreds of other people onto their MSN list just like they've added me. It's sort of like casting a wide net and hoping that there's be some fish caught in the net.

I don't see a point in blocking people because I don't want to see an MSN list with half of my contacts with the blocked sign. And because I'm pak jiao, I'd probably mix that up with the busy sign. I am also against deleting contacts because they'd just all end up in my trashbin somewhere and occupying a similiar space. MSN Live works a bit quirkily, I don't know why. Either that or is the fact that I don't want to burn my bridges.

Once a guy I used to go out with taught me this, never to burn your bridges, because one day, you never know when, you might need all the help you can get. Like if you need votes for some sort of competition, or if you because an insurance, finance agent, and you need to build up a contact list, or even a database, or just plain queries and help. You need contacts.

Because of this warped theory, I end up keeping a lot of trash people on my MSN list. Even though some of these trash people might already have blocked or deleted me, I still keep them on the list because for every contact, there's an email address.

Proud to say, people I used to go out with are all still on my contact list. Take Mr Swirl for example, (some might remember him, some might not, it doesn't matter) I still have him on my contact list, and I do look at his MSN nicks and stuff, and sometimes I do take tabs of the times when he's online and ya, I think about him. I'd whonder what he's doing at this time of the day/night, if he's at work, at home, doing stuff we used to do but with another person, or is he just chatting with friends/families or just chilling out. Ya, even now, especially when I'm alone at night and I tend to think more, I still think about him occasionally.

The main reason why I'm blogging about this tonight is that I think that RP has blocked and deleted me from his MSN list. I can't deny that I don't feel good about it. The feeling is a bit indescribible, it's something between indignant, jealous, sore, and a dash of relieve. I have been avoiding being online in the afternoons in the past couple of weeks when I know that he'd be online, mostly because I'm out, but mainly because I don't know how to face him. Then the other day when I finally was online on an afternoon he was online, he IMed me and I ignored every of his messages.

I think that was when he blocked and deleted me.

It is not hidden secret that I always had thought of one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe in the far far future, of returning to the rough patches days, so I made it a point not to burn that bridge even though I think I should have done so. And even though realistically, it was also not possible for me to go back to those days even thought I did think about it. I think of everything anyway. The point is that, I am quite upset over being blocked and/or deleted even though this is probably the most convenient thing that could have happened to me.

For the past few afternoons, I've been coming online just to check if RP's online as a proof that he didn't block/delete me, and maybe was just busy or outstation. Even though I know I'm not going to IM him again, I just sort of want to indulge in the comfort of knowing that he knows I'm still alive, and I'm happy without him.

If Mr Swirl can accept that I'm still online and not be bothered about it, perhaps there's something about RP toward me that he's not comfortable with me still on his list. Is it because it would upset him that I'm happy? Or is it because he just can't be bothered with a contact taking up space in his list? Or is it that he think that he can fuck up my mind by deleting me off?

In a way, with me penning this post, he did succeed in mindfucking me. Or maybe it's just me thinking too much into some insignificant course of action...

9 comments:

EgGyBo! said...

hmm.. u do think a lot.. really astounded by the amount of brain drain u put to this kind of things.. haz.. for me, i'm just plain lazy to delete or block anyone.. (unless I've found out that that person has already block/deleted me, then it's bye bye to him/her)

xxoos said...

ya, i think a lot...
not a very good thing...

chillycraps said...

actually I do delete contacts, but maybe not block. So if they want to message me they can still do so.

Those personal msg in MSN are really very disturbing one, people like to write things like how hurt they are or wadeva stuff, why can't they say it directly? They want to spread the words to everyone in their list? I really can't comprehend that.

your 300+ contacts sound like those ppl who collect "friends" on friendster. Anyway the status there not accurate one, some ppl attached then still put single, some ppl attached then put married.

xxoos said...

hmm... perhaps ba, i never thought about it that way before though. hehe~

ya, i a bit don't understand the personal message thing. esp the lovey dovey messages, yucks, like announcing to the whole msn list like he/she's so in love or something, a bit gross a bit weird. haha~

spy said...

ehh...if i am not wrong u delete right...the person can still see you online but you can't?
anw u can block le den delete and d person will still be under ur blocked list...
er i mean if i really don't like this person i will block la..coz safe the trouble to ying fu d person also mar...n also dun want to let the person see anything i put on my nick sometimes...
abt deleting...if i dun delete ppl i dun keep contact to den my list will get so long very hard to find ppl from d list mar...>.<

xxoos said...

usually when you want to delete a contact there's the option to block and delete so deleted contacts will be blocked.

anw, i know you won't block me can le~ haha...

spy said...

ehh well coz d last time i needed to er block n delete er it was pretty long ago..so guess msn option wasn't so advanced yet eh...bahz...

voxy said...

I just leave my ex's alone... and it's sick how they find new partners so quick. It happens faster than I imagined... and thoughts start going a bit cuckoo...

xxoos said...

spy: i'm thinking of clearing up my msn list, after i'm done so then i'll confirm with you what happens when a contact is deleted ba... haha~

voxy: ya, can understand what you mean. it sucks ya... the perils of msn...