Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Tree. Leaf. Wind

Saw this. Read this. Loved it.
So I decided to put it up to share.

***

Tree

People called me “Tree”.

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is this one other girl whom I loved a lot but never dared to go after. She didn’t have a pretty face, a good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility.

The reason for not going after her was because I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together, all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid that gossip from other people would hurt her. I felt that if she became my girl, she’ll be mine ultimately & I wouldn't have to give up everything just for her. This last reason, made her stay around for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.

She was a good actor, and I was a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, “Go on!” before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what made her cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training and found her crying in the classroom for an hour or so.

My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that, based on her character, she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together with someone else. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down.

How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read an SMS on my hp. It said, “Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay?”

Leaf

People called me Leaf.

During my 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I liked him & I know he liked me. But why didn’t he pursue me?
Since he loves me why didn’t he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that mine was one-sided love.
If he didn’t like me, why did he treat me so well? It was beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I never figured out. You can’t expect me, a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side - care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me.

Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

At the end of my 3rd year, a junior started pursuing me. Everyday he chased me. He was like a cool & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf off a tree. Eventually, I realized that I wanted to give this Wind a small footing in my heart. I know the Wind will bring the Leaf to a better place. Finally, Leaf left the Tree, but the Tree only smiled & didn’t ask the Leaf to stay.

Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay?

Wind

I liked a girl called Leaf. But because she was so dependent on Tree, I would have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away.

When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person watching my seniors & I playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. Whenever he talked to other girls, there was jealousy in her eyes. Whenever he looked at her, there was a smile on her face. Just like her watching him, watching her became my habit as well.

One day, she didn’t appear. I felt something missing. I can’t explain the feeling except that it was a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.

It read, “Leaf’s heart is too heavy and the wind couldn’t blow her away.”

“It’s not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree.” I replied her note with this statement and slowly, from that day on, she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me but I have this belief that one day I will make her like me.

Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will sway away from the topic, but I never gave up. I decided that I want her to be mine and I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can’t remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to avoid it, I still held onto a small ray of hope.

Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend, I finally asked her over the phone one day. There was silence over the phone so I asked, “What are you doing? How come you didn’t want to reply?” And she said, “I’m nodding my head”. “Ah?” I replied. I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m nodding my head”, she replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi to rush to her place. When she opened the door, I hugged her tightly.

Leaf's departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay…

***

如果当初我留住了你,
如果当时你留住了我,
如果当年我们俩不那么的固执...

也许现在的我___________。

***

I actually have another personal story that I wanted to share, I've been wanting to share it for quite some time already, but somehow everytime I have the impetus to put it up I'm not anywhere near the computer, and when I am at the computer, I feel that time is not right for me to put it up. I promise I'll put it up one day, till then...

10 comments:

Poo said...

I liked this story. Can relate to some bits. Thanks for sharing. :)

xxoos said...

no probs~ i liked it too...

fallen angel said...

i really like the story too. haha, we are on the same wavelength! :p

xxoos said...

:)

xingyi said...

haha... let me add to this comment page too! I also like this story a lot! Did u write the story urself? Can i copy and paste on my blog to share with other pple? Oh my god, I know there are many such cases in real life, but somehow I just hope that they will never happen again. Really, it's like if one of them have taken the first move, then this whole tragedy wun happen. Ah, the sad tree, wind and leaf story. If pple are bolder and take do not let the chance slip by, then maybe we'll have a story of tree, leaf and flower enjoying the cool breeze instd. Haha... i'm babbling. Do u understand? Haiz... I can't stand such tragedy. so sad!!!! I hate sad endings!

xxoos said...

nope, i didn't write this myself, and sure, you can copy it on you blog. that's what i did, i saw it on a blog and copied it on my blog. haha~

actually, if you see it in a more optimistic way, leaf might just be better off with wind. maybe she was never meant to be with tree after all, or that tree didn't deserve leaf at all. maybe leaf is so much happier now. just that that memory of tree is beautiful one... regret is beautiful, what you cannot get is always the best...

xingyi said...

Ah, u hit the nail right on the head. "what u cannot get is always the best".. argh.. life is so @#$%

xxoos said...

haha~

Anonymous said...

ha...this is an online story that has been circulating vi forwarded emails soem yrs back I think..read it some years ago and totally related to it (very similar situation)

Thanks for sharing... brought back all the poignancy...


Shihui :)

xxoos said...

i didn't receive any forwarded emails leh, you didn't send to me... haha~

think this is making its round among the blogs now, just seen it in another blog yesterday.