<~L/O/V/E~>

<~L/O/V/E~>

I was doing some reading just now, and a sudden wave of inspiration hit me, I flipped back some past messages posted on my Velut yahoo group, and here I am thinking about what is love. Or rather what am I looking for.

As I come to congruent with myself, I think I'm the kind of person who prefers the idea of falling in love more than being in love. Just like someone once said, the idea of having sex is sexier than the act of sex itself.

On 10 July 2004 10.52pm, Joan wrote this:

01. Hair colour: I like blondes. but natural blondes, the aryans,but then Asian hair is fine with me too...
02. Eye colour: Of course, Aryan blue eyes wld like totally matchhis blond hair, but Asian eyes are fine with me too
03. Skin tone: If he's Aryan, then shouldn't his skin be white,but Asian yellows are okay with me too...
04. Long or short hair: def long! but not as in F4 long, butwell, it's always nice to have some locks?
05. Piercings: It's okay on the ears, but other places, well, I'd say better not
06. Scars: someone once said that, I think he's either a Life! or 8days columnist, behind every scar is a story
07. Big butt or little: how abt nice and perky?
08. Straight: Umm... how can a gay fall in love with me?
09. Outgoing or shy: a bit of both
10. Sarcastic or sincere: a lot of both
11. Should s/he have a best friend?: definitely
12. Should s/he love his mom?: def
13. Should s/he watch guy movies?: It's fine with me
14. Be sweet: not diabetic-inducing though
15. Be smart: smart, but not an insufferable know-it-all
16. Be funny: on certain occasions
17. Smoker?: not v impt, but pref not
18. Drink: only occasionally, not any more
19. Play with your hair: definitely!
20. Kiss on the first date?: It's fine... but only sth light
21. Bring you gift?: that's always a plus but without it it wont be a minus though
22. Lay under the stars with you: at east coast park...
23. Write poetry about you: no pref
24. Call you honey, sweetie or baby: It's fine with me, anything...
25. Hang out with you and your friends: actualy, I personally would have no objections abt it, but i'd say I prefer not so.
26. Hold your hand: A narrator in a certain hong kong movie saidthat if a guy and girl have different holding hand habits, eg thegirl and the guy both insisting that their hand must be on top ofthe other person's, or one prefering grabbing the entire hand with 4fingers closed but the other prefering the grasp the fingers individuallly, then the relationship would not blossom. Perhaps if my partner and I have this prob, then it would be better if we not hold hands. There's still waist, hips, shoulder, etc...
27. Sing to you: if he has a good voice
28. You would like his/her interest to be: no pref
29. Play guitar or piano: it's okay if he doesn't but it would add brownie points if he did
30. Wear specs: no pref
31. Location: no pref if we can mend the dist, but it would always be nice if he lived near me
32. Like to control you: I'm okay with that... the little girl inme needs to be protected...
33. Stick to you everyday: def no!
34. Rebond or curly hair: normal, untainted hair?
35. One last condition: love me unconditionally.

Today, she'll write this:

01. Hair colour: no preference
02. Eye colour: no preference
03. Skin tone: no blacks
04. Long or short hair: doesn't really matter, but having some locks to play with sounds quite fun
05. Piercings: ears are okay with me, other places, think preferably not
06. Scars: still maintaining my story: someone once said that, I think he's either a Life! or 8days columnist, behind every scar is a story
07. Big butt or little: not too big, not too little
08. Straight: definitely
09. Outgoing or shy: a bit of both
10. Sarcastic or sincere: sarcastic but not really meaning his words, definitely sincerity can take me far
11. Should s/he have a best friend?: why not?
12. Should s/he love his mom?: definitely
13. Should s/he watch guy movies?: why not?
14. Be sweet: sweet, but not too sweet
15. Be smart: smart, but won't make me feel dumb
16. Be funny: okay
17. Smoker?: I do mind a little, but just a little
18. Drink: I don't really mind, but definitely not an alcoholic
19. Play with your hair: definitely! It's a big turn on, when i'm not having a bad hair day. If I'm having a bad hair day, do NOT attempt to touch my hair, anybody.
20. Kiss on the first date?: something light
21. Bring you gift?: that's always a plus but without it it wont be a minus
22. Lay under the stars with you: at east coast park...
23. Write poetry about you: I think don't need la... That's a tad too mushy...
24. Call you honey, sweetie or baby: yes, please.
25. Hang out with you and your friends: I'm not very comfortable about that.
26. Hold your hand: still maintianing my story: A narrator in a certain hong kong movie said that if a guy and girl have different holding hand habits, eg the girl and the guy both insisting that their hand must be on top ofthe other person's, or one prefering grabbing the entire hand with 4 fingers closed but the other prefering the grasp the fingers individually, then the relationship would not blossom. Perhaps if my partner and I have this prob, then it would be better if we not hold hands. There's still waist, hips, shoulder, etc... But please, do touch me.
27. Sing to you: I think not very necessary
28. You would like his/her interest to be: no preference
29. Play guitar or piano: no preference
30. Wear specs: Making out in specs? No way... But on other occasions, it's fine.
31. Location: It doesn't really matter if we can bridge our distances, but still it's nice, nice, to have a guy living near you
32. Like to control you: I'm okay with that... This little girl needs to be protected...
33. Stick to you everyday: You dare to try that, I'll be through with you!
34. Rebond or curly hair: no preference
35. One last condition: Love me unconditionally.

I guess this says how much have I grown over the past couple of months.

Do I really want to fall in love?
Do I really need a man like the above descriptions?

I don't think so.
If love is here, there's nothing I can do to stop it, can I? But if it isn't here, really, why should I do so many things to achieve nothing at all. I might want to fall in love with all the beautiful imagery of love, but do I really need that love? No, it's just me wanting that beautiful imagery, and not wanting love at all. I might go on moping how much I want a boyfriend now, but do I really need one? No, I've too many other considerations and reservations now.

So, why am I saying all these?
I don't know. So don't too much into my writings. Just read something from the past and felt like doing some commenting. It's like me going through my past posts and writing reviews like the last time I did that when I was bored. It's like walking into a time capsule, you don't really know what the time is now, you've lost all track of time. I like that kind of nostalgic feelings.

And one more last thing I want to clear before I end this post on love...
A couple of days ago, I changed my MSN nick to "I wanna meet my man" and kept it so until yesterday when I changed it to "I am going to meet my man". My display pic was of Bismarck, note. My man is not anybody in particular, and he's not figuratively my supposed Prince Charming, so relax people. "He" meant Germany. Yes, if you don't get it by now, I'm going to Germany. My dream...

When people has dreams as lofty as mine, with dreams of success in school and career, it's hard to find a man to match up, so I don't think I'd be searching for my love in the near future. But if by heavens and earth, that he drops down right in front of me at this moment, hah! Who cares about dreams then?! I'd rather get married and have my James and Jadies immediately...