Joan in Serious Thought

Joan in serious thought

I guess not many people realise that Joan can be in serious thought, but lots of things seem to be weighing heavily in Joan's mind recently, especially after several event that happened.

The *ding-dings*
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jal4eva/album?.dir=1afb&.src=ph
check out the above link to see the ding-dings
I mean, the ding-dings are such a cool bunch of people that we even have a name for ourselves.

Tomorrow will the the AGM of the ding-dings and we would be choosing next year's exco. All along I had wanted to run for the exco, but due to some happenings, I found myself in the exco of my Chinese Drama group. I hadn't thought of running for the exco of my Chinese Drama and I don't know what happened that made me go for the interview and finally pick up the position of Resource Manager, otherwise known as logistics. But now that I'm in their exco, I'd have to be responsible for my actions. So should I go ahead and pick up another committee post with the ding-dings? I thought I wouldn't.

However, that day after going out with the ding-dings, I was starting to reconsider my decision. Check out this other set of photos, see what great fun we had together, and what great friends are they...
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jal4eva/album?.dir=8212&.src=ph
I was already wanting to work with them for the Matric Fair but due to my Germany immersion, I couldn't commit to it and couldn't join them in organising Matric Fair. I really don't want to give up another chance to work with them again.

As I started working with my Chinese Drama exco people, I realised that by working together, it can bond people closer together as you get to know more about the others, their good and bad points. From the previous two projects that we did together, I felt really comfortable and was really looking forward to future projects with them. Where else can one get another bunch of people like the ding-dings to work together? Friends for life, I think I can safely say it. My mass chat buddies. Always fun to crap together. I think until now only two groups of people are really game in mass chatting, one are the girls and the other are the ding-dings.

So what's holding me back?

1. Whether or not I can handle the commitments of Chinese Drama and the ding-dings.
I think I can. I don't have a very heavy workload in school, after all I'm an arts student. And I'll be SU-ing one module next semester. But I'm afraid of the nights that I'll have to put in. With trainings and lessons both at nights and my German classes, there'd definitely be clashes. Seriously thinking, I think my priority list would be German classes on top, ding-dings next then Chinese Drama, but as one week has seven days, I'm hoping things can fit in somehow or another.

2. My Germany SEP
For SEP, I can choose to go in my second year second semester or third year first semester. If I go in my second year second semester, I'd be leaving in April and I would have to setp down early if I were with the ding-dings. By right in April there should be much other activities for me to do, if I really have stuff to do then I guess no choice I will have to go for my SEP in my third year first semester. But then again, if I were only doing a three year course, it is recommended that I go for SEP in my second year second semester. And if I were to go then, I would not be having classes through January till April when I fly. This would give me all the time to do planning of activities without worrying about my studies.

I think these are my main two worries, but they are really serious worries nonetheless.

The post I'm eyeing on is Cuifang's post. Till now I don't know anyone else eyeing at the same post. Maybe if one of my friends is eyeing on it, I'd give it up, but until then that would be the post I'm eyeing on. I followed Cuifang through all the activities that she organised except for the welcome tea which I missed the beginning and the freshies weren't involved with the planning, but I was involved with the others. I went with Cuifang to do her shopping for the anniversary, the Christmas party, the amazing race. I personally really like organising these fun stuff and I hope I can do more for us. But there is one main problem. I can't cook as well as Cuifang. That might hinder me.

So should I or should I not?

Next in my worry list is the pathetic rate my face is downturning. For a moment I was thinking of displaying a photo of my pathetic face but then the vain Joan decided against it.

Recently, whenever I go out I'd cover my face in thich makeup to cover my pimples. My face has detoriated to such a bad shape that my whole cheeks are bright red and my whole neck is covered with blemishes. I started washing my face everyday, tone my face, apply face mask and nose pore mask to keep my face clean clean.

Two days ago, I started on a course of antibiotics hoping to clear up the pimples. But then the side effects were terrible. The night after my first medication, I puked. I was out having dinner with the ding-dings as you can see from the above pictures I took. I had a chicken burger and a chocolate milkshake. After my meal I felt very queasy. At first I thought that I was just damn full and after a while I would feel better, but the queasy feeling did not cease. As we were walking along the busy roads of Orchard, I stopped by the side to puke. Luckily Stanley had got me a paper bag from Cartel, so there wasn't a mess, but still it was Orchard and I was puking. Well, my friends for a moment thought that I was bulimic, but I can say for sure, Joan would never be bulimic, puking is real real gross and a huge waste of money.

Luckily, I haven't puked anymore after that, so friends don't worry, I am not bulimic, but there are also other side effects, like chest aches. My chest is aching especially badly when I breathe in and breathe out. I was saying, maybe if I want to alleviate the pain I shouldn't breathe. wahaha~ And my breasts are starting to feel very tender, maybe due to the chest aches. Now I'm not daring to wear tight bras to further increase my pain.

All these and more for the sake of a pretty clear complexion face and neck. Is it worth it? I really hope so, so I needn't rely on my makeup set and people can quit calling me vain. hmm... Ironic. I'm being vain by doing these just so that people can't call me vain? have no idea...

Then yesterday I went with the girls back to Temasek Junior College. Never once had we a girls' outing where we had full attendence after we graduated from TJ, only this once. Check this out, all nine of us... Amazing...
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jal4eva/detail?.dir=e317&.dnm=f989.jpg&.src=ph

What was the price of this full attendence gathering? News of our civics tutor getting cancer. That was what had got us back together, all nine of us, going back to TJ. If it wasn't for Miss Lim, I think we can never have such an outing where all nine of us would make time for. And I have no idea when would our next full attendence outing would be. They said they will come over to the airport to send me off on the 31st, but I don't think that would be full attendence, and if we want to meet up in the rest of our vacation, I won't be around for the whole of June and Yingling will be heading off to Japan for her summer programme until August when school reopens. When school reopens, the chances of us meeting all together will be cut even lower as we will all be busy with out stuff.

But still, it was great walking down the memory lane in TJ and remising about the past. Check out the photos taken of us in TJ and our bowling session...
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jal4eva/album?.dir=e317&.src=ph

It was great catching up with Miss Lim, Miss (not this Miss for long liao, hehe...) Leong and Mr Thompson. I was great also catching up with the girls and how we are carrying on with our own lives. Really a cool bunch of people. Just that I had the pangs of feeling old when I was in TJ. Everybody looked young as compared with me. The kids are young, teachers like Miss Leong definitely look young. And poor old Joan looking old and haggard, time hasn't been kind on me. Life has taken a toll on my youth, physically and mentally. hai... And I'm merely 20. Pathetic...

But it was kind of fun going out for all these outings and snapping photos. Took a whole lot of them in just two days. And tomorrow I'll be meeting up witht he CDS people back for another memory lane trip down to Dunman High School. God... I would feel even older there I guess. But will carry on snapping more pictures especially when the ding-ding AGM is before that. I'll take a whole lot of pics for the AGM and for the CDS people. I won't be able to join them for dinner at Kallang Mac which is sad, cos it was there, years ago where we sat for hours, 930am to 430pm, chatting. Those were the days. But I can join them for their night activities! K-ing! hehe~ Although I had gone k-ing with the ding-dings that day, but nobody can get enough of k-ing, so really looking forward with the CDS people again.

Other worries in my life. Men. Or rather the lack of them. I'm getting pretty moody about this matter. I hate it when people say thing like the below. Friends, take note of them, and don't say them to me or I'd flare up.

"You too choosy is it?" For goodness sake, I am not choosy lor. I might harp on things like I want a 1.82 or what, but well, it doesn't really matter if I can ultimately find a guy.

"I know you have a boyfriend." Said by my sister. WTF... I don't have one, and unless you want to find me one, no matter what you say, I still don't have one. Period.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend arh?" I'd like to know why too. Unless you can answer this for me, don't ask me that, and do not answer me with the above first question.

"I don't believe nobody likes you." Well, if anybody does love me, please let me know. And until then, nobody loves me, so quit telling me that. Damnit. I do wish that line can come true, but apparently it isn't so there's no way you can make me believe that it's true.

And the most most hurting one I do not wish to hear from any guy whom I possible might like, "We are friends, aren't we?" Well, there's no answer to this question, or rather I should say I don't want to answer this question. A yes, would mean resignation and a period. A no, would be too brash and a halt in whatever that might happen. Not that I don't really have any guys by my side, just that I don't have the kind who wants me. hai...

What does the future holds for me? I really don't know. But I so badly want to know. Can someone please let me know? *Joan being brash again*