Sunday, May 29, 2005


This message is for a specific person. If you are not that person, I don't think you might fully comprehend what I want to mean, but you can also have a read at this post and not make the same mistakes.

I had asked something from a friend. The reply was "try". I've heard this "try" many times already, this wasn't my first time hearing it. I knew what it meant. So I commented to my friend dejectedly, "try means cannot". I've learnt that from experience, from hearing that try one too many times. I really hadn't wanted to hear it again.

The I got another reply, to fill me back with hope. "sure can". I was skeptical. I knew the meaning of "try", I knew that I'd be disappointed, as always, and I didn't want to raise my hopes high again. As the saying goes, the higher the hopes raised, the bigger the disappointment. I didn't want myself yet again be disappointed and hurt, so I tried to be skeptical. But it was no use, the damage was already made, I had hopes.

So finally, when the day neared, I got this message "sorry busy". I was disappointed, hurt, shattered, sad, broken, pained, upset, and all other negatives that one can think of. I started blaming my friend. But after taking time and go through the whole situation again, well, I shouldn't blame anyone but me. I knew I cannot raise my hopes. I knew that "try" means cannot. I knew everything. Just that I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to feel hopeful, so I got disappointed.

I'm a history student. People say people study history to prevent history from taking place again. But from Dr Clancey's lecture on Why History?, we can see that the two key figures who repeated pass mistakes from history were history buffs. Stalin and Mao Zedong. They both repeated past atrocities of dictatorial leaders of their countries' history. Stalin strived to emulate Ivan the Terrible while Mao looked towards emperors like Qin Shihuang.

I'm a history buff. I repeat history too. I repeat my past mistakes. I know "try" means cannot, but I just didn't want to accept it, and when later that "try" was certified as cannot I got all upset again. For what? Like what Dr Clancey said, "doomed to repeat history" of the two dictators, and very true for me.

I'm waiting for your comment about "try" means cannot. Especially now that it's been proven that "try" really means cannot.


Anonymous said...

why no tagboard?

xxoos said...

since when have i a tag board? i dont like cannot meh? what's wrong with comments?