Monday, June 06, 2005

I'm starting to miss home~

I miss...

Char Kway Teow
Yeo's Crysanthemum Drink
Kong Bak Pau
Rochor Tau Huey
Yahoo Messenger
my friends
my family
my wireless connection
Yahoo Photos

Luckily, that's about it. Well, it's been a week here. Lessons are going along quite fine just that I think that my German isn't on par with the rest of them. Still feel quite lost sometimes, especially when I walk down the streets and I get lost. I always get lost. Luckily I'm still lucky enough that most of the time I manage to find my course mates to get me back to the herd.

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I hadn't came over. One month is a long time. I really wonder if all my gains outweigh my losses. I'm also starting to wonder what would be my exchange programme be like. Would I really gain more than I lose?

I'm insecure. Yes. I need constant attention. And when I'm not getting the attention I need, my mind strays off. I always think of the worse case circumstances, and I make myself all worried and upset over nothing. But I cannot really be blamed for all of what I'm thinking. Past experiences with lies, promises and misplaced trust have shaped me to think so negatively of people. Someone once asked me why am I such a pessimist, a lot of people have told me not to be so pessimistic. But none of them have thought that it is not I who wants to be pessimistic. Of course everyone wants to live life happily ever after, but I always get failed.

Everytime I get lost in town, I'd start to think a lot. Maybe cos I don't talk much here, so everything gets bottled up in me. I enjoy sending emails to my friends, hoping that they can reply me and make me feel more loved. I also need that something back from home to let me know that I'm not forgotten. If you miss me, drop me a short email to, I'll be grateful. Some people have emailed me to my hotmail account, I'd like to say, I've only have internet explorer, no MSN, no messenger, so do NOT drop any messages there or anywhere else other than Thank you.

To people I've sent out emails to, please don't torture me, please reply me. I feel so vulnerable everytime I send an email. I'm like exposing my heart to people, and people just trample on them and not reply to me and ignore me and leave me in a foreign land wondering if you still remember me. Then I'd feel so silly cos here I am thinking about you and there you are with no idea who Joan is. sucks~

Is it that difficult to send out a damned email?

hai... I'm getting incoherrent again. I'm always getting incoherrent over nothing when I'm upset. damnit... And I keep hai-ing too much... sucks~ Even here far far away from home I can't be happy.

Update on my script. It went through a major renovation. But the main point is still there. Think I'll only work on it when I get back to Singapore and sort my stuff out. Should be back in Singapore at about 12noon on 1 July. Friends might want to make that day free and come and welcome me. Bring along a packet of Char Kway Teow from Old Airport Hawker Centre without taugay, and Rochor Original Beancurd, and some Yeo's packet drink to wash it all down, I'll be your cow and horse.

And in the weeks following my return, please arrange to meet up with me. I miss everyone...

Oh and before I forget, girls, Ms Loong wants to meet up with the 33 ppl, so when you guys are meeting please let me know, or you can contact her via her email but you must contact me to get that from me.

Let's see if there's anything else. Nothing much le... haha~ I always feel great after a nice blog entry. Gets all the stuffed air out of me. Many people always ask me why my blog entries are so long, that cos I've got too much stuffed air in me. Pretty funny cos I too complain a lot to my friends to get the stuff air out. Maybe I just have too much stuffed air in me... hehe~

1 comment:

crazyyuan said...

hey girl.. attention is all u needed when u were back here.. and that was wat u got.. wat do u think ur friends were there for?..haha.. now u know how to miss us le bah.. sometime u just need to open up a little more joan.. u are not pessimistic.. just a little under the cloud.. and not everyone will understand tat.. so cheer up and make new bonds.. hope to see u soon~
take carez