I wrote a little about it in my msn space already, but decided to give this huge problem a larger airtime, so decided to write more in here.
Some short snippets of my feelings over the past couple of days. I'll start of with Sunday night. Actually the stroy began even further back in time when all the signs were pointing to a "do not meet", well, it created this innate fear in me. Sunday night was another emo night for me. I was misunderstood, and with all the fears, not only my fears, well, complications occurred.
Monday. I waited and waited and waited. The call was supposed to come in at 8.45pm. My lessons ended early. I even stayed back and chatted with Jinwei and Audrey, but still no call came in. My fears recurred and I thought of the signs pointing towards regret. But the call finally came in at 9+. I was pacified instantly. I did not even fear that much when I got lost in the dark streets of CBD Singapore. Then there were butterflies in my tummy. I thought of the time I was preparing to go to Germany. The feelings of hesitation yet excited overwhelmed me. I felt a sudden urge of running, but of course I didn't.
At first, I was a little disappointed. Not all things are like what you thought of. Appearances may differ, but feelings were still there. The kind of feelings didn't diminish like what I had one experienced, so I guess, this was true. I like the way I was greeted. That will be forever sealed in my memory despite the disappointment. Then again, as the hours ticked on, the disappointment dropped. Maybe I was just too tired and overwhelmed my my fears. What follows was nothing more than a fairy tale dream. The best times in my life.
The next day was supposed to be a Sentosa trip, but plans fell through and I ended up with rough patch which basically killed my day.
The ending was all wrong. With my rough patch and everything, how can there be a right ending?
I don't know if I've told everyone about this before. The last time I met with a full blown rough patch, I went walking along East Coast Park, and got picked up by this weird guy. Well, that I've met another rough patch today, I met yet another weird guy who attemted to pick me up. I'll let him live in anonimity since there is a chance that he might be reading my blog, or that other involved personnel might too be reading my blog, and other than he's a bit weird, I think I shall better not slam him.
But that's not the point. The point is that today I broke down yet again. It was another call. The call that closes up the open circle. Oh well... Maybe I should just try and let go.
I'm too gone le... I'll try to sort my my fucking thoughts again before coming back to describe what happened.