Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wenn Ich Roman Abramovich Wäre

If I were Roman Abramovich, I wouldn't buy over Chelsea Football Club. I know this above sentence might sound weird since I'm a fanatic Chelsea supporter, but distancing myself from my own interests, and put myself in a more businessman thinking, I suppose this is what I wouldn't do. Instead, I'd set up my own football club. I'd build a stadium, I'd buy my players, I'd buy a manager, I'll compete in some league I've yet decided, I'll take over the world. Fantasy Football taken to a new high~

But before I forget, the usual plug, please vote for me~

I'd call my football club XFC. I'll call my stadium Stadium of Fantasy. I'll buy my fantasy 11, and I'll buy a league of players to warm my benches. Maybe I shall play in the Premiership since that's the league with the highest media coverage. I'll build up a youth team and train young players and fulfill their potential. Because I am Roman Abramovich, I can do anything I want.

Of course, I am not him. I am Joan Ang, Chelsea supporter of 4 years, so I'd still buy over Chelsea Football Club and pull them out of their financial crisis, so I'd still bring in the talented big named players and warm my Chelsea benches, so I'd still pour in the money to establish the Chelsea youth team, so I'd build another Stamford Bridge, with a bigger capacity and better facilities to fulfill the potential of my players.

From a Chelsea supporter point of view, starting a new football team from scratch is a riddiculous idea. So what if I have my own football team, I do not have my supporters, I do not have a team that would gel, I would not have all the intangible benefits that made me love this sport this much.

I still love my team very much, but somehow I can't stop wondering if I took over the footballing world what would it be like.

I was talking to somebody I recently got to know about my fantasy 11. He was amazed that I actually wanted to include mediocre players such as Tim Borowski in my team, albeit possible not in the 11, but maybe on the bench. I thought hard about it. I don't think I'd actually put him in my fantasy team unless that means I get to date him. He's actually but a mere football pin up to this girl. Same as Pires, Guti, and Ljungberg. I don't like them for their football skills but merely because they look cute. I guess I can also be pretty shallow.

So after doing research from Wikipedia and ESPN Soccernet and Football Database, I've decided that my fantasy 11 would be playing in a formation of 3-4-2-1...


My choice after a long thought would be
He's young, can stay in the game for another 10 more years, with Chelsea definitely. He's tall, for position, height is an advantage. He has enough experience, playing at various international and European levels. To me a goalkeeper is the most important player on the pitch, without him the team wouldn't be able to win. You can score lots of goals, but if you allow more goals into, well, you'd definitely lose.

I first saw his heroics during the Euro2004, he amazed him with his age and skills. But still I thought he was only going to be a bench warmer when we bought him over since he still lacked the experience and confidence we had of Cudicini, but of course, Cudicini lacked international experience. I guess that was the reason Mourinho had when he placed Cech in between the poles. Even though Cech did amazed me during the Euros, I never expected this much of him in his first season with us, but after seeing his performance, I must say he's really the current best young yet experienced goalkeeper in the world.

Another reason for my soft spot for goalkeepers is that in every team there can only be one goalkeeper, that makes him unique. So in my quest for my fantasy 11, I actually shortlisted another three more goalkeepers which I think I can put on my bench.

Another young and experienced goalkeeper. The man who single handedly prevented Real Marid from self destructing. Despite his young age, he has played in many international tounaments such as the World Cup 2002 and the Euro 2004, also playing for many Champions League matches for Real Madrid. I of course saw him in the WC2002, but I hadn't realised that he was that young. I can see him in at least another 2 more World Cups, make that 3 since the next world cup is in about 5 more months. In the last season when Real Madrid flopped badly, he was the only consistent player and helped prevented Real Madrid from losing with embarassing scorelines. It also helps that he's like so cute~ wahaha~

He is old. But with immense experience. I guess with my policy of using young players whom I can use for a couple more years, I wouldn't use Kahn, but his experience and his wealth of knowledge and his charming good looks (yes, I know I have weird taste), I really couldn't resist putting his name down onto this parchment. In footballing notions, I am a Kahn supporter, as opposed to Lehmann whom I think is a big wuss, I believe with Kahn's experience, Lehmann is really no match. In the warped mind of Joan, Kahn is the epitome of her standard of a good looking German. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, speaks with a booming voice, chiselled face, manly charm... Ooh... He definitely goes into my list of sexy men~

I shall talk about how I first got to know him, not from his on the field heroics, but by the vast number of jokes about him circulating around the internet. My favourite one is that there was a fire and a woman with her newborn were trapped. Given told the woman that he was Given and she can throw down her baby for him to catch. She did so upon hearing that he was Given, and indeed he caught the baby. Just as everyone applauded for him, he settled the baby on the ground and kicked it 50 yards out. hahaha~ Okay, Given is the Casillas of Newcastle, the man who single handedly prevented Newcastle from dying. I think he's really great, but he just lacks that something playing for teams like Newcastle and Ireland.


I had wanted to play with four defenders, but after pondering and discussing with Eugene korkor, I've decided that I can't think up of a really good leftback nor a really good rightback, so without the fullbacks, I have to play with three centre defenders. I don't know in practice would this work, but in theory it does sound a bit decent. Three solid defenders doing the work of four. I just hope that my wingers would be able to drop back and defend when needed to fill up the holes on the field.

Naming a team, I'd definitely foremost put his name down, no matter what.
The heart and spine of Chelsea. Need I say anything more about my reason for putting him down? He's one guy who really worked hard to achieve what he has now. He started his career by picking up balls on the Chelsea pitch, he went through bad patches with the law and media and got out of it to become a more matured man and player. He stood in his ground and proved to be a consistent player as Ferdinand and Campbell fizzled out. Today he is the captain of Chelsea, tomorrow the England captain perhaps. There are calls for him to take over the England armband after Beckham retires from captaining. I'll support this cry~

Pairing him would be
A Pool fan was very surprised when I revealled that my choice pairing of English defenders would be Terry with Carragher. I hold Ferdinand in contempt due to his diva attitude, I hold Campbell in contempt because he can't differentiate personal and work problems, and more importantly, as you'd notice later on, I actually disciminate. Note: the correct word I use is discriminate, not anything else. Also, justifying my choice would be that Chelsea and Liverpool have the best defense in the Premiership, and this is the hardwork of Terry and Carragher.

And then what is a defence without any AC Milan defenders?
Well, actually I think AC Milan's defence is really aging, and plagued with injuries, yet the new ones aren't able to fit into the boots of the old ones. Nesta is still in his prime, not that bad. Okay, he's like really good, must give him due credit, for country and for team. A pity this photo doesn;t do him justice, he's another good looking fellow. hehehe~

To put on the bench, I guess I'd go with
A rightback converted to become a centreback. I guess if I really need a rightback he'd be considered, but then again, he's now mostly playing in centreback position so would he be as good as back to the rightback? hmm... I'm not very sure. I'm not really a fan of Barcelona's defence, so it does shave of some marks of him. But him being Barcelona's captain then again puts marks back into him. I like good looking captains~

A legend. But as what I was saying, he's too old, he's like older than Kahn, he's now injury plagued. But he's still a legend. And with no other coming footballers to establish themselves in the leftback position, Maldini will still be a legend in that position.


I was thinking if I should separate the midfielders and the wingers because I'd play different players under different formations. Also, should I go for an all out flanks player or keep it more controlled. hmm... Since I was saying I'll be playing in a 3-4-2-1 formation, I think it'd be better if I keep my flanks well covered.

In the right wing shall be
I know the fiasco he had with Reina did make him look like an actor but let's admit that he's something more than that. He's a player. He knows how to make his team win, and I think that's a good thing, maybe it still isn't that polished, but he's still young, he'll mature soon. His partnering with Duff was the best Chelsea had with them combining to many a 4-0 scorelines to great effect, I just cannot bear not to put him down in my fantasy, especially when I need the wingers to cover the flanks in this 3-4 approach.

On the left would then be the partner
Robben and Duff combination is not only lethal, but also invincible. When either of them is injured the Chelsea team would be unable to get large scoreline victories. Duff I think is quite an underrated player. I think a good player needs to get the adequate international experience to play well, and Duff is unfortunately not in a very strong footballing nation and this is hurting his experience level. But still, I think he's great, at least he can be great enough with the correct pairings.

*Sidenote: This sucks. For the like twentieth time my internet connection failed me. Today, just like yesterday, my internet connection is like highly unstable and I keep getting disconnected. How can I type a blog post in peace like that? Worse still, how can I upload my pictures and provide you with visual descriptions of how my fantasy 11 looks like. The footballers I've chosen are also all damn shuai lor.*

In the centre I'd put definitely the more deserving footballer of the year
Whoever who says Ronaldinho is the world's best footballer is talking rubbish, this guy then should be the world's best footballer. He's hardworking, superfit, good attitude, improved, well rounded, and not one piece of arrogant shit. And he's also damn shuai too, not like some guy who looks worse than a monkey. Lampard is one who rose through the ranks, from being a bench warmer in the national team to a first choice player. He matured and improved a great deal from his sheer hardworkingness at the club level, displacing talkings about nepotism. But the most amazing thing about this guy is his sheer fitness level. How many players can play for this many matches and not get injured, or sent off, or suspended? And got picked to be in the team under different clubs and different managers. Definitely not that yaya gorilla.

There are talks that we'll be bringing him in, I think that would be great! Then I can test out see if my fantasy midfield of Lampard and Ballack pairing would work or not. Ballack is a team player, yet he's able to rally his team behind him and work towards their aim. Maybe in Chelsea he might not feature to be that inspirational since we have so many other leading figures, but his technical ability and versatility will give my team that edge. But then again, for the future of German football, I think it might be better that Ballack stay in Germany. If Ballack leaves then there's nothing left in Germany's Bundesliga, and that would be totally schade.

On my bench, I can fill up every position one time over to make sure that I have adequate coverage in case of injuries or suspension.

He is an overrated player definitely, but that doesn't mean that he's not a superb player in his own rights. He's still a master of freekicks and crosses even though he suck totally in penalties. He is what football need to market itself and generate more revenue for the game and for everyone involved in the game, it's like lifting the whole bar up higher. And if I ever have my own team, I'd need him to sell jerseys and attract fans (yea, right). Beckham is useful to have, in short.

This Cole is the Joe one, not to be confused with other Coles including his own team mate. This Cole is the product of Mourinho's superbness. Mourinho singlehandedly moulded him into a gem. He was previously an uncut stone, very raw but very talented and creative, but of not much value since he's unpolished, but Mourinho picked him up, gave him a perfect cut, and polished him to perfection, and he's now a valuable player on the field. I see him filling up the problem left place in the English side. And the thing with Cole is that he's still improving, so we can be assured of more stellar performances in the near and far future. Erikkson should really thank Mourinho for solving the problem in the left for him.

He's a bit old, but he's still a spectacular player. I can't put him in my 11 but he does have a place in my bench in case some other player gets injured. He's everything, creative, dependable, and of course damn shuai with his Beatle cut hair in blond. Beatle cut hair is cute, and it's even cuter in blond~ He looks like a doll.

By right, a pairing of Lampard and Gerrard is supposed to be invincible on paper, but on the field, this somehow always doesn't manage to work out, so I really cannot put him down on my 11. Maybe if Gerrard had left Liverpool and gelled with us in Stamford Bridge, things might work out to be better. I was telling a Pool fan why Gerrard is lousier than Lampard. Gerrard is not as fit as Lampard, not as hardworking, not as dedicated, not that all well rounded. The recent news that Benitz asked Erikkson to rest Gerrard was total crap to me. In my footballing world, no decent player would ask not to play a match. That sounds like what the diva Ferdinand would do. With this, I lost all remaining respect I had for Gerrard. The manager can assess to see if Gerrard is fit enough to play, but to ask for him not to play is ridiculous. Okay, another part of me also silently hope that Gerrard can be tired from all the matches and lead Liverpool to its demise, but then again, if you are really a superfit player (read: Lampard), you won't be tired.

Supporting Strikers:

When I first saw him play I had not realise he was that young, he certainly had the maturity in termas of controlling the ball and playing the game as a team which was quite unusual for a Brazilian, I know I'm stereotyping, but what to do, I'm a shallow little girl. It also helps him that he's like totally cute. And it's pretty unusual for a Bazilian to be white, I know I'm stereotyping again. wahaha~

He is a what I call a makeshift player, able to fit in different positions where he is needed. A very useful player. He's also a good one with a keen eye for teamwork playing able to take chances when presented to him. But sadly he has been dropped to a lower level playing since Mourinho's new tactics doesn't have a space for him to fit in. Luckily lately we see more of him due to injuries, and with his new makeshift role, he's really still maturing when one might think he's already exprienced enough. Even the yaya gorilla had praised him. Anyway, I think this role behind the striker would be best suited for him and the team because of his qualities, very unselfish and has a keen eye for playing.

On my bench I shall put an old player
He may be on the verge of retiring but that doesn't rule out his ability. He has great sight which a lot of younger players do not have, and this will prove to be the slight difference between equally matched teams. However, one really big downside is that this guy can only play half the matches especially in international games because of his phobia. If only World Cup 2002 wasn't in Asia, perhaps we might be able to see a better Bergkamp and a better Holland.


The guy who scores the goals
Buying Parker was a costly mistake. Buying Parker and then throwing him in the reserves team was a very costly mistake. Buy Parker and then selling him away discounted was a flaunt of wealth. It did the player more harm than good.
Buying Wright-Phillips was not worthwhile. Buying Wright-Phillips at 24 million was very not worthwhile. Buying Wright-Pillips at 24 million and throwing him onto the benches a flaunt of wealth.
Yes, they might be good substitutes to the injury problems, but them still it's a flaunt of wealth.
BUT investing 50 million pounds on one Shevchenko would be sound. Yes, that is how I'm rating him. He's this good. Drogba, can go eat shit, he's almost as bad as Wright-Phillips. Crespo, I think he's his potential in somewhere other than in England, I sort of pity him. We NEED Shevchenko.

For the bench, I'll put
I won't put him as a main striker. Maybe if I'm playing a 4-4-2, I'll put him as second striker. He's a team player and I always admire teamplayers because football is essentially a team game. Klose, unlike what some people think is not a second rated player, he's good enough as a world class player, just that he happens to play in the Bundesliga and a lot of people are not familiar with that league. It's not only that good players must come from the EPL, ignorant fools. Klose is also great at headers which really comes in useful in corners and freekicks. Deadballs are always useful when playing an equally matched team.

Surprised I put him down on my bench when I just advocated for Chelsea to sell him away? Yea... I said he's just not suited for playing in England. And hypothetically, in my team we can play football somewhere else, and I just know that Crespo will just shine in my footballing world.

Last but not least, the most important person in the team.


He is the most worthwhile person Abramovich bought with his billions. It's not Cech, it's not Robben, it's not Crespo, it's not Makelele, it's this man. Nothing against Rainieri, I love him too, it's just that he can't gel the expensive big name players like what Mourinho did. I'm a believer in team playing and any player who thinks he's bigger than the team ought to be shot. But not every manager is able to work this one out with his team. Just see how's Real Madrid with it's expensive squad, Chelsea would become that if not for Mourinho.

He may be cocky and arrogant, but at least he knows his motives, that it's the team above any individual player. I personally think that all those cockiness Mourinho has is just to emphasise this point to his players that they are not the biggest thing in the squad. And also to remove the prying media's eyes on his precious players by shifting them all to himself, after all, he isn't playing and there's no pressure on him on the field with cameras focusing on him.

I don't know how many of you noticed this particular thing regarding my dream team. There's something very lacking in my team. I'd like to make this clear, I'm just nothing more than a very discriminating person, no other motives behind my discriminations, so don't direct any possible labels onto me other than that I'm a shallow girl who discriminates incriminatingly. Yea, and I admit, because of my discrimination, I am unable to come up with a better team even though there are more effective players, especially in the positions of the fullbacks.

A long long parchment of entry I have typed but unable to post it up immediately after I have typed it no thanks to my irritating internet connection. damn... Not I've to again tap on someone else's connection. This is bad...


Rea said...

Hahahahahaaaah! Kahn good-looking?! I don't know if western Europeans look all the same to you Asians but we Germans have a nickname for Kahn. The gorilla. Because he looks like an ape. In fact he is regarded as fucking ugly by us. It might also be interesting for you to know that most Germans have darker hair and eyes. And we usually don't speak in a booming voice, nor does Kahn. He only yells on the pitch, otherwise he sounds like Berd of the Muppet Show. Worst and unsexiest voice imaginable. Imitating the way he speaks is a running gag for German comedians. Lehmann now, he has a lovely voice. German women love Lehmann, btw. He is the epidome of the perfect man for us, Kahn is the opposite.
People in Asia seem to regard Kahn as some kind of Arian, blond, blue-eyes Ubermensch and tend to ignore that there are so many goalies who are better than him now.

xxoos said...

to each his/her own taste in women/men, i guess.

but ya, i agree, now, there are loads better goalkeepers than kahn.