I've been so busy lately, always back home after late, but that also means I'm out and about, which can also be a good thing. A couple of updates in my life before this blog turns stale.
- I've been out quite a bit with friends, old friends mostly.
- My grandfather is critically ill in the hospital now, so Chinese New Year for us, no big celebrations. And the parents just said that CNY eve dinner is at the maternal side, let's just say that, I think I'll be a nicer person if I ate pizza at home than deal with *some* people there. But now that with the grandfather's problem, I can see the cracks in my faith in *some* people at the paternal side.
- I've survived the so called second anniversary alone which is a big deal because last year I almost broke down. This is a sign of me going stronger, I hope.
- I'll be growing older soon, will be 20 years old for the dunno how many timeth. No celebrations this year. Will wait for him to come back then maybe I'll celebrate, well, if he remembers about the present, if not I guess I'll just treat it that I'm still 19 years old. whatever.
- Had my first D for my physics test. My first D in six semesters. I've S/Ued the module immediately, and hope that my term paper and my next test, and my tutorials and participation can pull me up to an S.
- I took some photos when I met up with friends, got some photos from the rest of my friends, and have been doing quite a lot of photoshop for my previously taken photos, just that I haven't blogged about them yet. No time mah...
- Survivor's back, on Fridays 11pm, but in sync with USA, but no satellite cast. Amazing Race will be back, with simulcast, so that means I'll wake up early and go to school with my laptop just to watch it at the same time as the Americans. No early favourites this time though, quite sad.
- I've got three simultaneous problems with friendship, and all three problems are almost exactly the same. I guess that sounds like the problem lies with me.
Ironically, a couple of years back, the person who pointed out this problem to me and the cause of the problem made the same mistake and hence, I don't think he's worth keeping in close contact with anymore. But of course, he and the other three above mentioned friends are different la.
I was thinking, could the problem be because I'm not a conventional female in quite a number of ways. I watch football, I drink beer, I curse and swear, and I despise quite a number of femininity stuff which I call guniang. But that's also quite a contradiction because I like to dress myself as a female, and look just like a guniang. So is it because of my looks that guys tend to see me as a girls while because of my hobbies, I like to see myself as one of the guys? wahaha~ Identity crisis somewhere here.
Another thing I might be able to pinpoint to is that my reflex action is very sharp. Whatever that hits me, I'm bound to reflex in such a way which I deliver quite a large blow conversely. I think I'm very afraid of getting hurt over and over again, if not I don't see why this reflex action is sitting in so immediate that I can't even allow my brain to process the matter before acting upon it.
Anyway, since I'm already half through the most difficult month of my emotional year, I'm sure, or at least, I hope that things will go well soon. In not, by the time I start on my writings again, I'll just screw myself up. Or maybe I should skip the town and be a hermit somewhere without the reach of people to hurt me and people to get hurt by me.
But then again, I wonder what would happen of me if he came back without my present, or bring back a crappy present. I was already in tears when I heard the news lor.