Sunday, February 11, 2007

Odds and Ends

Coming back from my 4B reunion, I was into the nostalgic feelings and emotions like those when I spotted a "long lost" friend online. I started a chat which was supposed to be the kind of "how are you" and "what are you doing now" kind of chat, but as we went on, the memories of the past, and the reasons for the halt in the friendship was kind of brought up.

Maybe I was feeling a bit indignant, so we went back to the past and recontructed what happened right before our friendship started to diffuse. We went back it those past MSN chat logs and examined each of our own view of the events that passed. It was clear that both our memories were skewed and we each had our own views regarding what happened. I guess that paved the start of the end.

Then as I tried to push the blame to the friend by saying that the friend was not letting me understand the version of the story while also not wanting to understand my version of the story. Then the friend brought up a very interesting point, it was that I did not understand that the character of my friend was that there wasn't a need for all these details and stuff. I guess that was true. I didn't understand my friend as much as I thought I did. And that was something that made me feel bad, especially since I made it clear that that person had been a very important figure in my life.

In life, I guess that's how one learns things. I once learnt something similiar from the rough patch experience, and know that despite how sensitive I think I might be, I tended to bent things to suit my thinking rather than accepting people for themselves. I just have to accept my friend for being like that, rather than wanting to push things further, and argue, and get upset over everything. I should have just took things as such.

I'd also be a happier person. Don't need to be burdened by all these thoughts and emotions, and get upset by things. It'll be better for both of us that way.

I don't know if it's too late for us to start all over again. I really hope it's not. I also hope that this wouldn't affect our relationship in a negative way, because I really want to just learn more about my friend in another light, in the more natural way, and in the way the friend is most comfortable with.

Because, after all, as I said, said friend has been a very important figure in my life, and as my life takes more turns and swirl, I'd want to be able to rely on friends like these.

I think that fiasco with the above forementioned friend also reflects a couple of other failed friendships I had in the past and was brought up today during the 4B reunion. My friends, at least though I call as friends, the regular folks, should know by now that I do not like a certain other person. It was also after a series of such misunderstandings, failure of clarifications, a bit of betrayal and some other dashes of other factors that led to me being pissed with everything that person now says.

It's not that uncommon in relationships. As me and the friends started talking a bit more about other people and beginning a bitchfest, we tried to recall why we dislike some people and hence think negatively of all their other decisions and other actions.

It's not just because of a quarrel or some misunderstandings between friends that can lead to such a failure in relationships between people. As we talked more about the other people and updated each other about what the class is doing now. The topic of this other friend of mine was brought up. I used the term friend because I still treat that person as a friend. If we were to meet again, and I can still fortunately remember that person's looks, I'd still refer that person as a friend of mine. Because the failure of the relationship was about miscommunication or any other misguided stuff.

That friend just didn't want to carry on being friends. Still, I'm sure that there's a reason behind the act, but by not saying out the reason, that might be a form of miscommunication. At least that was what I thought before that very main point the first friend said to me. That I not know the character and make my own demands on the friend, is my own not understanding well about the person.

I shouldn't be blaming anybody except myself for not knowing my friend well enough and not accepting the person as it is, but rather attempting to put on my own demands.

All men are selfish creatures and only want to impose their own wills upon others. I'm like that too, but I will take note of my this selfishness and hopefully through time, I'm able to be more tolerant on others and accepting people for how and what they are and not impose on them what I want them to be.

Ahh... Suddenly feeling quite a bit wiser... lol~

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