Sunday, February 25, 2007

So This Is How It Feels...

Being alone, at home, the whole day, with only the TV, notes, and laptop for company.
Even the parents didn't wish me happy birthday, neither did the sister, though she did gave me the present already, but still...
Friends? What friends? Okay, but I can't blame them since I'm not the kind of person who remembers everyone's birthdays.

Okay, none of all those above really matters as much as what I'm upset about.

I miss him. I really do. It always seems like the same one month cycle when my missing him coincides with PMS. And while last month he was away, this month too. Even though he said he'd be back tomorrow, earlier than what he told me before he left, it just seems to have created more problems for me to ponder over. Why is he coming back so early? Did something happen? Or did he lie to me in the first place?

Then there's the problem about tomorrow. I don't know if I should hope so much, and be disappointed. This won't be the first anyway, but I can't help from wanting to hope, and I can't seem to block out my disappointment. I hate myself.

Growing older, growing tired, growing jaded, growing disillusioned.
When can I finally leave your clutches?
When can I finally stand up on my own feet and say goodbye to the past?

When can I call you by your name?

8 comments:

Poo said...

Your birthday ah? I didn't know. So should I wish you happy birthday? But you don't like growing older hor, so maybe my condolences you'll prefer? =p

Anyway about the other thing, just let go of the past. As the great Yoda said "train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose". =)

stephanie said...

happy birthday joanie joan!! happy 20th bdae!! :) hehe. hugs. feel better soon.. at least ur bdae is during this time of the mth, every one of my bdae is spent mugging for exams, or if im suay enuff, i will ha ve papers on my bdae as well.. haha *HUGGS*

EgGyBo! said...

lol.. you are younger than me!!

Happy birthday!!

Cheers,
Aik Hui

xxoos said...

thanks peeps...
just feeling a bit emo just now...

now feeling loads better, thanks~

chillycraps said...

alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

xxoos said...

vielen dank!

Shihui said...

Happy belated bday babe! I think ur clothes shopping spree should have cheered u up somewhat eh? :)

Here's an apt quote for ya...

"Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards"

(Soren Kierkegaard)

xxoos said...

thanks girl~
not so sure if i agree with your quote, but too lazy to think about it now. lol~